James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 14: Mad wife destroys other bride’s wedding
One MAFS wife hijacks another bride’s wedding with an unhinged meltdown after sneaky text messages come to light. James Weir recaps.
The Married At First Sight freaks escape the institution on Monday and venture into the outside world where one of the brides spirals into a fit of hysterics before completely destroying an innocent woman’s wedding.
Who on earth approved this excursion? It’s simply not safe for these social experiments to be around the general public. What if one of them bit a child?
Their presence in society should’ve been handled by the authorities — with droning sirens and helicopters spotlighting their whereabouts, like when mutant monkeys break out of a laboratory.
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Before the chaos begins, we barge into Jacqui’s suite at Trash Towers and find her madly tapping away on her Lenovo ThinkPad. We assume she’s just updating her LinkedIn with more humble brags, but then she turns to her husband Ryan and informs him that she has been logging every mistake he has ever made in a comprehensive Microsoft Excel database.
Ugh, Jacqui! That’s so psychotic! Just be like the rest of us and document your partner’s bad behaviour (with times and dates) in a discrete list on the iPhone Notes app.
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“The reason why I have a rap sheet of all the bad stuff you’ve done is because you’ve done so much bad stuff!” she defends herself before scrolling through the spreadsheet and reading out random incidents. “It took you three weeks to buy me flowers! Why can’t you just say I’m a great wife!”
Ryan doesn’t have a spreadsheet of Jacqui’s own bad behaviour, but he doesn’t need it.
“You WEREN’T a good wife!” he hits back. “You were HORRIBLE!”
Jacqui and her treacherous spreadsheet might just be our favourite moment of this entire season. But it gets better.
Instead of logging this latest incident in the database, Jacqui secretly texts her boring co-star Jeff and asks to meet — without his wife Rhi.
Cue Rhi finding out in five, four, three two …
“She has messaged Jeff behind my back. I’m feeling quite pissed off,” she fumes.
It’s at this point the producers invite all the freaks to the last-minute ceremony of a new couple entering the experiment.
Rhi hatches a plan: Confront Jacqui about the sneaky texts in the middle of this random wedding.
She frantically yanks on a dress and heads out the door. We helpfully try to adjust her shoulder straps but she just slaps away our hands.
At a lavish venue across town, we meet the new couple getting married. What are their names? We don’t know and we don’t care. We’re only here to watch Jacqui steal the bride’s big day.
Suddenly, the doors bust open and the freaks roll in.
During the vows, Jacqui’s eyes start twitching. Listening to this new groom tell his bride that he’ll prioritise her every need sends Jacqui over the edge. She turns to Ryan and begins lecturing. They bicker all the way to the reception. Just before the entrées are served, Ryan explodes.
“I’m frankly disgusted with you,” he spits.
Everyone else at the table gets crazy eyes.
Other guests look over at the commotion. Ryan doesn’t stop. He tells them all about Jacqui’s Excel database.
“She wrote a rap sheet of every single grudge!” he says.
Jacqui does what all good businesswomen do during tense meetings: cry.
“I was crying this morning!” she sobs.
Rhi decides this is the perfect place for her to enter the chat.
“You cry if there’s not a full-length mirror in the room!” she slaps down her nemesis. “Jacqui, … why would you message Jeff behind my back? Jeff got a text message asking to catch up without me there.”
The MAFS freaks go berserk. Now’s the time to sound the alarm and lock them back up in their cages.
Jacqui glares at Rhi across the table — she’s furious about being dobbed on.
“Don’t look at me like that!” Rhi yells.
“Jacqui’s looks to Rhi were disgusting,” Billy commentates from the sidelines. “She was giving her the death stare.”
We’ve really enjoyed the strong subplot of Jacqui’s eyes this season.
While all of this is going on, the bride and groom try their best to ignore the drama but Jacqui’s wailing starts to drown out the speeches on the PA sound system.
“Every single time things get put on her, she cries,” Rhi taunts. “Every single time.”
Ryan is low-key loving his wife’s downfall.
“It felt … GOOD,” he beams.
Awhina snaps into mum mode and starts rousing on Jacqui like she’s a toddler throwing a tantrum on the floor of the Coles deli.
“Jacqui, it’s not your wedding!” she snips, banishing her co-star from the venue.
Outside, Awhina marches Jacqui and Ryan together and demands they apologise to each other — or they’re going home without ice-cream.
“Don’t tell on me while I’m crying!” Jacqui screams at her husband.
“Jacqui, this is someone else’s wedding,” Awhina scolds again.
And just like that, Jacqui stops her fake crying and stomps inside, with her husband.
Will their relationship survive?
Their union has all the strength and support of the shoulder strap on Rhi’s dress.
Facebook: @hellojamesweir
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