James Weir recaps SAS Australia 2021 episode 10

An Australian star has discussed a sexual kink that people are offering money for. Would you take the cash? James Weir recaps.

Being a former Home And Away star comes with all the trappings of fame and fortune but, without a doubt, the two glitziest perks are: a lifetime all-you-can-eat membership at the Summer Bay diner. And kinky DMs from strangers.

The Instagram inbox gets blown wide open on Monday’s episode of SAS Australia, with a celebrity revealing the racy fetish with which one keen fan has tempted him.

Kinks aren’t the only dirty thing tonight. What else is dirty? Well, dirt. Literally dirt. The celebrities go feral and start throwing it in each other’s faces. Try it tomorrow on the colleagues you dislike!

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here

The celebrities are over the halfway mark of the course. Their energy and morale is at an all-time low. Thankfully, the soldiers are there to offer words of encouragement.

“You should have no teeth by the end of this,” one of them snarls, as Jett Kenny dry-heaves over his boiled porridge before tapping out of the competition entirely.

It’s time for the first challenge of the day. The mission? Balance on a log and fight each other while a river of water gushes in a concrete gutter below.

Seems dangerous. It’s definitely not a time for silly behaviour.

“Get a handful of dirt and, when you get close enough, throw it in her face,” one of the soldiers whispers to athlete Jessica Peris.

“Face full of f**king dirt, then, boom, sweep her off.”

Jessica’s up against Olympian Jana Pittman. They’re both classy ladies with respect for the game. There’s absolutely no way Jessica will throw dirt in Jana’s fa-

‘Take that!’

‘I’m blind!’

Get the woman some goddamn Visine!

While we appreciate the feral behaviour, it kinda seems like a missed opportunity that, while unleashing the fist-full of soil in Jana’s face, Jessica didn’t yell: “Eat dirt!”

Anyway, all the other celebs are filthy about the dirty tactic.

“I can’t believe she threw sand in her face!” tennis pro Mark Philippoussis gasps as everyone else declares they’d never stoop so low.

The final duo to fight is sprinter John Steffensen and former Home And Away star Dan Ewing. Excellent. There’s no way these two gentlemen will submit to gutter tactics. They have too much self respec-

‘Eat dirt!’

The car ride back to base camp is awkward. Mud-slingers Jessica and John are squished into the back of a Land Rover with dirt-muncher Jana, who’s spitting (wood)chips.

“That was horrible, I’m so sorry, Jana,” Jessica pleads, but it’s no use.

“Only you two did it,” Jana points at the dirt duo. “I just didn’t expect it from you (Jessica) … I expected it from him. … It’s just different personalities. I’ve never been a particularly aggressive person. No offence, doll, but there is no way I could’ve done that. Maybe that’s my weakness.”

“It’s a street fight, Jana,” John points out.

The dirt in Jana’s eyes has mixed with the tears and created a muddy paste. She scrapes it out with her thumbnail while continuing the argument.

“That’s just cheating, to me. Throwing sand in your eyes.”

John sighs and tries putting it into perspective.

“These are different rules here,” he says of SAS Australia. “I’m s****ing in a hole at the moment and putting sawdust on s***.”

Yeah, Jana. Just be grateful you didn’t cop a mouthful of that sawdust.

Someone lighten the mood and flick on the radio to SmoothFM.

Jana doesn’t stay dirty for long — literally or metaphorically. In fact, she gets the last laugh when — along with Heath — Jessica quits the competition and disappears quicker than sand through the hourglass.

But that doesn’t mean the lame dirt-related wordplay is over. Cue Dan Ewing’s filthy Instagram DMs!

“The best one (direct message) I ever got was a foot fetish guy,” the former Home And Away River Boy tells John Steffensen.

“It was a weird foot page. (The fan) Tagged me (in) a picture of my feet in a magazine, in ripped jeans, sitting on a beach. And he inboxes me and (writes), ‘I will pay you to take photos and videos of your feet.’ And I was like, ‘OK bro, you do you, all good, lots of love, but, no.’”

Typical actor. Always thinking they deserve a better role than the one they’re being offered. The greats never turn down a role. Cate Blanchett will forever be the Tim Tam girl. What movies has Isla Fisher been in lately? Can’t recall. But I now bank with ING because of her ads.

Either way, this fun story Dan has shared on national TV now means we’ll remember him forever as the foot fetish guy.

“Show us ya feet!” kids will scream from passing Commodores when they spot him walking down the street. “Bare dem soles!”

“You’ve got to be born with that, right?” Dan observes, unable to let go of the kink conversation. “How do you find out you’ve got a foot fetish?”

John shrugs. “I dunno man, I think it just creeps up on you and, before you know it, you’re getting horny over some feet.”

Mmmhmmm. Mmmhhm. Sounds scientific.

There’s clearly an elephant in the room right now. Fine … I’ll say what we’re all thinking. The kinky foot guy who messaged the River Boy is probably Alf Stewart.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Show us ya feet!