James Weir recaps Married At First Sight series 4 episode 9

OK, it’s time to grow up. Someone on Married At First Sight has just done an open-door dump. And it may have ruined one couple’s budding relationship.

WHILE one wife gets dumped by her husband via a handwritten letter on Married At First Sight, another wife witnesses her husband taking a dump when all she’s trying to do is blow-dry her hair.

Straight up, the scenario that unfolded on Monday night’s episode is actually my biggest fear about all relationships.

I don’t know how to explain what happened, so I’m just going to be as simple as possible: Jesse took a dump.

Please grow up and stop giggling.

There’s nothing wrong with that. But it’s all about how he did it. All the couples on the series have now moved in with each other and, whenever you start living with your partner, the anxiety about going to the bathroom is always present.

But instead of just having a “really long shower” or waiting until his wife Michelle has left the apartment completely, Jesse decides there’s no time like the present.

So while Michelle is in the bathroom getting ready for a fun day of activities, Jesse swings the door open and stares at her dead in the eye as he drops his pants and takes a seat.

Michelle later recounts the horrific scenario to her twin sister Sharon.

“This morning, I’m rushing to get ready for breakfast. And Jesse waltzes on in, pulls down his pants and he, like, sits on the toilet,” she says in disgust.

“Number two! He sat down!” Michelle exclaims when Sharon asks for the details of what came next.

Totally grounds for divorce.

This is totally not appropriate. You could be married 50 years and this will never at all be appropriate.

“I feel like Jesse was maybe crossing the line a little bit,” she tells us. “Doing his number twos in front of me. Some things can be left behind closed doors — quite literally. Close the door when you’re doing a sh*t. Without me in it.”

Michelle has been struggling in her relationship with Jesse. She’s not feeling any sexual attraction to him and the open door dump certainly hasn’t helped.

Later on while grocery shopping, Michelle is still not over the bathroom incident and decides to shame Jesse for his actions. He’s made to carry a pack of toilet paper the size of a Tarago on his shoulder around the Bondi IGA. Some kind of embarrassing sign should have also been involved, but that’s just hindsight.

That’ll learn ya.

It seems the bathroom escapade has triggered Michelle’s anxiety about her marriage to Jesse, and it results in an emotional breakdown later that night.

Michelle realises she just might not be attracted to Jesse and she’s kind of jealous of her twin sister Sharon’s relationship with her husband Nick. And it makes sense. Nick’s rugged and sexy. Nick buys Sharon jewellery. Nick doesn’t take a dump in front of you.

“Oh f*ckin’ hell, I’m just so over this,” she sobs before running across the hall to Sharon for support.

Michelle suffers PTSD from what she witnessed that morning.

“As far as Jesse goes, I can feel him move closer ... I’m just fearing he could feel more for me than I feel for him,” she confesses. “And I just don’t want to be that person to break anyone’s heart. I’m not saying I will. I could end up developing really strong feelings. I could fall in love with him. I don’t know.”

Michelle is extremely upset and confused. And after calming down, she decides to take the adult approach by not discussing any of her feelings or concerns at all with husband Jesse. But even if she wanted too, she can’t. He’s probably on the toilet.

In an apartment down the hall, John’s dealing with the fallout following Sunday night’s commitment ceremony where he chose to leave his marriage while wife Deb chose to stay. Waking up the next morning, John accepts the fact he has a better chance of becoming Polynesian than his marriage has of ever working out.

“I thought long and hard about everything. And I just don’t ever think it’s going to work,” he admits. “So I can’t see the point in continuing it. There’s no point in going any further.”

Not willing to face any more questions about why he isn’t Polynesian, John breaks up with his wife via a letter.

Not only do we have to watch Deb find and read the letter alone in her room, we then have to watch her packing up all her Stevie Nicks scarfs and shawls before being evicted from the apartment building.

As always, Polynesia is top of mind for Deb.

“It’ll be nice to go home and hopefully find my Polynesian man,” she whispers.

Sunday night at the commitment ceremony, Anthony made the terrifying declaration that “NADIA IS MINE” and, since then, Nadia has not been able to escape. In fact, Anthony has tightened his grip on Nadia, dragging her to the hair salon so he can personalise her to his liking.

After choosing a cut and colour that he deems appropriate for his wife, Anthony decides it’s the right time to weigh in on Nadia’s professional life.

“We’ve definitely got that common ground — the fact we both work in the media industry. And, although Nadia doesn’t, at the moment, (work) on a fulltime basis ...” he pauses before shooting her a sharp look. “You probably should,” he tells her. “You need to have a bit more direction.”

The full-on statement about her part-time work almost blows the foils out of Nadia’s hair.

Nadia may lack direction but she doesn’t lack highlights.

“I think you have a very unique set of skills,” Anthony continues, and I’m not sure if he means that in the same way Liam Neeson has a “unique set of skills” in the Taken movies.

She asks if there’s a problem.

“Lack of direction could be a problem,” he replies.

Getting you haircut is always a fabulous day because when you leave your self confidence is through the roof and you get insanely cocky about yourself. But Anthony's comments have slapped Nadia in the face and she’s stripped of the confidence she would have otherwise received from her blow-wave. This is tragic and I’d never wish it on anyone.

But someone who isn’t robbed of their haircut sass is Simon. As I predicted on his wedding day, he’s been wheeled into a Joh Bailey by wife Alene to get the perm under control.

He’s thrilled.

“The Rachel please.”

And the difference is quite dramatic. When Alene is shown the result, her reaction is just like Johanna Griggs’ when she walks in to see a DIY lounge room renovation on Better Homes & Gardens and exclaims, “Wow guys! What a transformation!”

Same same but different.

Having recovered from her disastrous marriage to Jonathan, Cheryl has returned to the show and no one knows why.

She meets with psychologist John Aiken and she rehashes everything that went on in their seven-day marriage again and John basically tells her it’s really not that interesting and to move on.

When their therapy session ends, she doesn’t get off the couch.

They awkwardly stare at each other.

“ ... Before I do go I kinda just want to ask your opinion on something,” she says nervously at the very last second, like you do when you want your doctor to look at something that you’re pretty sure isn’t an STD but you won’t be able to sleep until it’s confirmed by a medical professional.

“What are you about to show me?”

“ ... At the dinner party, Andrew and I did get on really well,” Cheryl ventures. “And with him being single and me being single ... would there be any way of, like ... I don’t know ... Maybe, like, experiencing something there or ...”

She goes on to describe the instant connection she felt with Andrew at the dinner party and says they had fantastic conversation.

And they truly did. One of my favourite conversations they had on the night went like this:

Andrew: Aw food.

Cheryl: I love food.

Andrew: Yeah.

It was electric.

John Aiken finally gives in and organises a date for the dregs of this experiment.

When the new couple meet up for a romantic night, they hit it off instantly.

They’re obsessed with each other and Cheryl dubs it “one of the best dates” she’s ever been on.

After their perfect evening, they decide to kick on and go to a pub in Bondi. But when Andrew looks behind him, Cheryl has dramatically vanished and dumped him without a word.

Yes, that end part about Andrew getting ditched again has been completely fabricated by myself. But it would have been a really nice full-circle moment if it did turn out that way.

For more observations on foils and Post-it notes, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir