James Weir recaps Big Brother Australia 2020 episode 16

Big Brother’s underdog has got one up on the boys who mocked him. And they don’t even know it. James Weir recaps.

After weeks of being mocked mercilessly by Big Brother’s cool boys, the show’s self-declared cockroach and most unhygienic contestant has turned the tables on those who teased him and has ironically ended up in the cleanest place on earth.

There’s only a few days to go in the Big Brother house and we’re honestly surprised we’ve hung around so long after Ange-a-licious left. Do we even care which of these remaining bozos wins? Nah. It’s like we’ve eaten all the good colours in a packet of Snakes Alive and now it’s just the gross ones left that taste like detergent. We still eat them. But we complain the whole time. We will finish watching this series in a similar fashion.

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Monday night opens and we’re stuck in the past. For some reason, we’re still hanging around in the elimination room after Casey got booted last Wednesday. Of course Kruges has crapped off. It’s just all the housemates standing around pretending to be shocked.

Mat and Dan are livid Sophie used her swing vote to get rid of their mate Casey.

“I am filthy,” Mat grumbles as Dan taunts Sophie and we’re confused that, yet again, they’re annoyed with people for playing this game in the way that it’s intended.

Do we need to go through this every episode?

After Dan mocked Kieran‘s running last week, Kieran gets back at him the only way he knows how: by locking him in a boring conversation first thing in the morning.

“The way I see the Big Brother house is, it‘s a puzzle. And you come in here with one puzzle piece,” he chirps away, mixing bad metaphors and analogies for 15 minutes before concluding: “We‘re not idiots. You can’t be an idiot and make it this far.”

Wow you look in pain, what’s up, Daniel?

Dan can’t take any more. He wanders three feet away into the kitchen and proceeds to make fun of Kieran again within hearing distance.

“You can’t be an idiot to come this far,” he mocks Kieran. “Ah, I think you can. I think you definitely can.”

“You’re only in here because every time you’ve been on the stupid lounge, the person next to you has been a bigger threat,” Mat joins in the sneering.

Dan and Mat have literally just been making fun of Kieran while he’s in the room but then decide to trick him into being on their side so they can split up Chad and Sophie. And if he doesn’t play ball? They’ll turn on him.

“Get on board this or you’re in the gun,” Mat threatens.

Chad has no idea the boys are coming for him. They’ve even had conversations about him while he has been right next to them and it just goes over his head. That sounds impossible, but Chad really doesn’t have a firm grasp of basic language.

“Well, the way I talk … for me, I can’t say the letter, I mean, the number free. I say free. Instead of three,” he regales us, proving that he can in fact say the number three but chooses not to because pronunciation is for losers.

“What else do I say … I say, like, Big Bruvva – like, B-R-U-V-V-A.”

It’s truly compelling. He should give this talk at the Opera House and sell tickets.

It’s thrilling. Sorry – frilling.

Chad wins the elimination challenge and puts Kieran up against a safe vote: Mat. He really should’ve put Mat and Dan up together. Completely destroying their power would end in a very interesting final three. Sorry. Final free.

Of course none of the others are brave enough to vote out Mat and all the votes go to Kieran.

The cool boys are elated. They finally got him out. Now they can just mock him behind his back instead of to his face. At least that’s what they think.

As Kieran prepares to exit the house, Big Brother intervenes.

“While moments ago you received the majority of tonight’s votes, you have not been evicted. Not yet,” Big Brother declares. “There is still room for you in the Big Brother house. Specifically, the white room.”

Kieran is led down the hall and into the white room, which is really just Ange-a-licious’s secret bunker but with a Changing Rooms revamp.

“You are here in the white room with a second chance in this game,” Big Brother says. “The question is: How long do you think you can stay in the white room?”

Incorrect, Big Brother. After watching Kieran’s lack of hygiene in the house, the real question is: how long will it take Kieran to stain the white room?

When Mat and Dan find out about this, they’ll be absolutely filthy – much like this pristine space once Kieran is through with it.

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Can’t wait to see the before and after photos of this room.