James Weir recaps Big Brother Australia 2020 episode 14

This moment two contestants mock another is uncomfortable to witness. And they couldn’t cop it when it was served back. James Weir recaps.

It’s a night of insults on Monday’s Big Brother, as a grandma’s words catch up with her and the cool boys mock someone while they’re performing one of the most vulnerable of tasks: jogging.

You are at your most exposed when you realise cool, hot people are watching you run. Suddenly you start to doubt yourself. Are you even doing it right? Maybe you never really knew how to run at all. And then you glance in a shop window to see if your running looks normal, but the reflection looks Gollum-esque. Running should never be done around cool, hot people.

Tensions are high in the house and Mat has had enough of Kieran. His jabs get more and more specific.

“Look at him, perched up there, ready to feed his face again,” he scoffs, looking over to the kitchen bench at Kieran.

“The bloke’s been nominated four bloody times and we can’t get rid of him. I’ve had enough. It’s not OK to be in this house and act like an eight-year-old. He’s been in here a month and done the dishes three times and we kicked him out halfway through one of them because he didn’t wash them properly.”

Big Brother declares it’s time for a challenge and then proceeds to mildly harass everyone.

“As you all know, Big Brother is everywhere. I am above, below, in front and behind you. And today, I will even be, within you,” he says and … ew.

Only Chad can say that to her.

The challenge is too convoluted to explain but Kieran is selected to play a big part.

“Can we fast forward to Kieran’s eviction?” Dan blurts out like the cool year seven boy that he is.

Part of the task is to run. And nothing is more terrifying than running in public but Kieran gives it his all.

I would’ve faked an injury then hung out in the diary room while Kruges brought me an ice pack.

Mat and Dan are looking to mock Kieran at every chance they get. Seeing him run kicks the taunts into overdrive.

“Bahahaha can you run like him?” Mat shrieks as Dan hunches over and does an unfortunate lumber across the backyard in a cruel impersonation.

I legitimately worry that residents in my suburb mock my running.

Guys, there’s a line. And making fun of Kieran’s terrible running is just too easy. Keep it highbrow like we do and joke exclusively about Casey being 31 days clinically constipated.

It’s my biggest fear that people at the gym mock my exercising. It’s on par with my fear that those teenagers who work at General Pants are also making fun of me.

We don’t tolerate this kind of jerk behaviour so please enjoy this carefully timed screenshot of Mat and Dan pleasuring their food holes.

I’ve submitted this for the Archibald Prize.

As Jesus taught us: don’t get mad, get everything. Wait. Was that Jesus? No, it’s the tag line for The First Wives Club. Well, I’ve always prayed to the holy trinity of Goldie, Diane and Bette and I endorse their teachings. If someone wrongs us, wrong them worse.

Dan and Mat aren’t the only people who can taunt. Apparently Marissa has been going around making fun of the cool, hot kids. Goodness gracious. To be made fun of by a grandma in jeggings who used to teach aerobics in the 80s? That’s gotta sting.

Chad tells Dan that Marissa has been mocking him.

“You know what she said about you? She said, ‘What kind of 27-year-old mopes and cries about a video call from his ex girlfriend?’” Chad whispers.

Hurts doesn’t it, Daniel?

Dan’s so humiliated he begins to mope and cry, again. It’s as if someone has made fun of his running. He tries to make himself feel better by telling Chad the mean things Marissa has said about him and his girlfriend Sophie.

“She calls you guys dumb and dumber,” Dan says.

Chad’s trying to figure out which one’s which.

We have no problem with these grandma burns because they’re not really insults – they’re just cold hard facts.

Still, it’s no surprise when the cool kids nominate Marissa and Kieran for elimination. They hate them both and at first everyone is leaning towards Kieran, but word of the grandma burns spreads around and immediately places Marissa in front. She’s voted out and she responds to the news like a true grandma.

“The lasagne’s ready to go in the oven,” she yells to the room, clapping to get everyone’s attention before leaving. “So, 40 minutes! At 180! In the oven.”

Jesus nan, why are you spelling it out like that? It’s reheating a lasagne, not launching a spaceship.

But then we remember. She has to spell it out for dumb and dumber.

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Bye nan!