Jungle Cruise review: Even Emily Blunt can’t make Disney’s generic adventure movie interesting

It has bankable stars Emily Blunt and The Rock, but no amount star power can make a generic blockbuster interesting.

Before Pirates of the Caribbean spawned five movies with a combined box office total of $US4.5 billion ($A6.1 billion), the idea of mining Disneyland rides for blockbusters would’ve been laughed out of the room.

The concept is still bonkers, and creatively bankrupt, but it is also highly lucrative. Which makes Jungle Cruise inevitable, born from a 66-year-old ambling riverboat ride which has just been revamped to remove racist imagery.

There’s a very specific formula that Jungle Cruise has lifted from Pirates – mix together bankable stars, inoffensive humour, loads of CGI effects and an over-the-top story. It’s even got a villain with squiggly things coming out of its face like Davy Jones.

Is it cinema? No. Does it need to be? No. Jungle Cruise is exactly what you expect it to be, a bombastic but bland action-adventure jam packed with outlandish set pieces, clocking in at 30 minutes too long.

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Jungle Cruise was inspired by a Disneyland ride.

It’s escapism and stimulation designed for the family movie crowd – except now half of them will be watching it at home on Disney+ (for an extra fee), instead of racing out to the cinema. Jungle Cruise is currently the last Disney movie slated for the cinema/premium streaming simultaneous release.

What Jungle Cruise has going for it is Emily Blunt who is, as always, incandescent as Dr Lily Houghton, a resourceful, fearless and pants-wearing early 20th century botanist who could outwit and outdo Indiana Jones in an instant.

Lily is searching for Tears of the Moon, a mythological tree hidden deep in the Amazon whose leaves are said to cure any illness and break any curse.

With her brother MacGregor (Jack Whitehall), who is disdainful of public transport but fond of travelling with far too much luggage, Lily charters Frank (Dwayne Johnson) and his riverboat to make the treacherous journey.

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Jungle Cruise was filmed in 2018 – its release has been delayed several times, including due to the pandemic.

Chasing Lily is a rival expedition led by German Prince Joachim (Jesse Plemons), a snivelly toad who has commandeered what looks to be a U-boat submarine for his jungle adventure. He also wants the Tears of the Moon, for what specific reason is not clear.

There’s also the matter of Aguirre (Edgar Ramirez, totally wasted), a Spanish conquistador who first sought the Tears of the Moon 400 years earlier and has since then been trapped by a curse after slaughtering the Indigenous population.

This is a great cast, who no doubt wants to show their kids or nieces and nephews a fun movie they were in rather than some sombre drama – except of course The Rock, whose movies are always chaste.

Blunt livens up an otherwise dull affair and Whitehall gets a few good lines in too. The Rock is playing The Rock, and of course he’s charismatic but there’s little distinction between his character here and elsewhere – you could easily think you’ve slipped into the next Jumanji instalment instead.

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The Rock playing The Rock.

The movie, directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, incorporates cheeky nods to the original ride, lifting scenarios and dialogue straight out of the pun-laden script park employees recite in Los Angeles, Florida, Hong Kong and Tokyo.

While there’s something to be said for wringing a story out of a theme park ride that is just tableaus of things you might find alongside a river in the jungle, the Jungle Cruise’s narrative is as generic as that 66-year-old ride. Even Blunt’s megawatt power can’t save that.

Rating: 2.5/5

Jungle Cruise is in cinemas from Thursday, July 29 (excluding lockdown areas) and on Disney+’s Premier Access ($34.99) from Friday, July 30

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