Halloween Ends is very, very silly

After 13 movies, the Halloween franchise is at an end. Did it go out on a high? No, it did not.

Halloween Ends is in cinemas now. Picture: Universal/Blumhouse

There’s a promise in the title of Halloween Ends – after 13 instalments over 44 years, Michael Myers’ reign of terror will cease.

Which sets up certain expectations for the one hour and 50 minutes that precedes such a denouement.

Are you ready for Michael Myers, the lumbering, senseless and unstoppable serial killer distinct for being so ludicrously unkillable, to be done?

There’s almost something comforting in how much this cinematic bogeyman keeps escaping death, no matter how many times he’s stabbed, shot or set on fire. It’s as predictable as a meet-cute in a rom-com.

It would be a shame that Halloween Ends wraps up the franchise on such a dumb note but that’s like chastising an elephant for being large. The Halloween movies have been frequently dumb and silly and outlandish so Halloween Ends merely follows in that tradition.

It doesn’t take itself too seriously and will delight in a putrid but comical set-piece – there’s one scene involving a skipping record player, you’ll know it when you see it, and hear the chortles from everyone around you.

Can Laurie Strode survive one more encounter with Michael Myers? Picture: Universal

Not that there haven’t also been tightly plotted and disciplined scarefests, as the John Carpenter original and the 2018 revival both were. But more often than not, they’ve thoroughly frivolous and often laughable.

It hasn’t been a great strike rate, but anyone walking into a Halloween movie knows that being frightened is only part of the experience. However, if you’re expecting a truly terrifying time, Halloween Ends comes in at the lower end of the franchise scale.

There are a handful of cheap jump scares and some gory moments that make you go “ye gods!” but the bulk of the movie won’t inspire your hairs to stand on end. Your goosebumps will remain dormant.

The franchise has also killed off almost everyone except for three characters – and Myers – so the stakes are middling. It’s really only working towards whether Jamie Lee Curtis’ Laurie Strode will emerge victorious or go down with her tormentor.

Whoever else lives or dies is story fodder.

Halloween Ends is the 13th movie in the franchise. Picture: Universal

It’s been some years since Halloween Kills and Laurie has moved back into the cursed town of Haddonfield, sharing a house with her orphaned granddaughter Allyson (Andi Matichak).

She’s now writing a memoir about her experiences, thinking a lot about the effects of trauma on not just an individual but on the community. She wonders if they’ll ever be free of Michael Myers and the deadly legacy he’s left in his wake.

One afternoon, she encounters Corey (Rohan Campbell), a young man and town pariah with his own tragic backstory. She introduces Corey to Allyson in an attempt at matchmaking, the idea being these two outsiders and damaged souls might find something familiar in the other.

Unfortunately, Corey’s story is destined to crossover with Michael Myers, who has been MIA since Halloween Kills but is also very obviously not dead.

A Halloween romance. Picture: Universal Pictures

Corey and Allyson’s whirlwind Wild at Heart and Kalifornia-esque romance isn’t remotely convincing when it comes to emotional stakes but at least Halloween Ends is trying something different from its usual formula of Michael Myers (slowly) chasing his victims.

It’s all very silly, tonally inconsistent and illogical – and there are more than a few intervals where, if you were watching it at home, you would probably pick up your remote and start looking for something else to watch.

But since this is a cinema release and you’ve already committed to the time and the ticket price, there are just enough moments, particularly towards the end when the rampage finally kicks off, that convinces you to stay seated.

Halloween Ends is by no means a good movie, but at this point, were you expecting it would be?

Rating: 2/5

Halloween Ends is in cinemas now