The bitterly disappointing absence of Meghan Markle’s family from the royal wedding

NOTHING’S worse than being in a confined space with extended family. But the absence of Meghan’s troublemaking relatives has ended what could’ve been a terrific day.

THE thought of Meghan Markle’s troublemaking family not being in attendance at the royal wedding is brutally disappointing.

Vision of her half-sister Samantha Grant heckling during the vows would have been spectacular. And the sight of her dad Thomas Sr slumped on the pew in St George’s Chapel with a Macca’s Happy Meal balanced on his stomach would’ve added a bit of spark to an otherwise stuffy ceremony.

No, we would not want the ragtag team of nutbags who make up Meghan’s family at our own weddings. Great lengths would be taken to ensure their absence. Fake invites listing made up locations three hours out of town would be sent just to throw them off.

But when it comes to the royal wedding, a bitter sister, a loon-of-a-dad and a team of crazy relatives seem like the right kind of people to spice up the guest list.

The anxiety Meghan has been enduring over how to keep her crazy family away from her big day is a relatable struggle. Although her conundrum is made more difficult by the fact she can’t just send out a group email explaining that money’s super tight at the moment so they’re keeping the guest list small.

The thought of inviting irritating family members to your wedding is enough to make any couple reconsider making the union official.

“Maybe we could just wait until they die,” is an idea that drifts into your mind and you don’t even feel guilty about it.

‘Also does your annoying cousin Beatrice need to come?’

This isn’t just a problem reserved for regular folks with bitter, divorced cousins named Debbie who have a history of drunkenly derailing otherwise-lovely family occasions. It’s also a problem for Hollywood-stars-turn-princesses.

Meghan and Harry’s wedding was never going to be perfect. Try as she might, Meghan doesn’t have the conservative, blemish-free backstory of Kate Middleton. Her parents aren’t effortlessly chic millionaires who stroll around their country estate in knee-high Hunter rainboots and chunky knits.

Her imperfect past, along with her selection of edgy blazers, is why we adore Meghan. But her efforts to restrict the mess have only made it worse.

Not inviting half-sister Samantha Grant provoked the beast and, after somehow becoming the family spokesperson, she continued her quest to slam Meghan via various international tabloids.

Then there’s her half-brother Thomas Jr who once sent a handwritten note to In Touch Weekly pleading with Prince Harry not to marry Meghan. His ex-wife and kids are apparently also going to be commentating [read: sledging] from the sidelines.

Samantha Grant has a lot to say.

The drama was kicked up a notch this week when it was revealed Meghan’s maybe-I’ll-go-maybe-I-won’t dad Thomas Markle Sr. set up all those embarrassing pap shots before he went and did a Macca’s run to grab a Happy Meal prior to emergency heart surgery. It then surfaced Meghan’s crazy sister Samantha put him up to it.

It’s all very exhausting and, honestly, Meghan and Harry probably wish they could just secretly elope on a beach somewhere and escape the clutches of extended family and stuffy traditions.

Or maybe Vegas would be more their style. They could get married at midnight in a casino and have their wedding photos be a recreation of Harry’s candid hotel nudes.

They’d then be overcome with guilt for going to such lengths to exclude her family. And in a nod to her father, they’d do a Macca’s run for post-wedding Happy Meals.

@hellojamesweir