James Weir: Matt Damon cements bromance with Chris Hemsworth by nesting at Kmart

It’s official. The bromance of the century has been destroyed, with Matt Damon trading Ben Affleck in for a newer model.

They were Hollywood’s golden couple for almost two decades, but the bromance of the century is no more.

Matt Damon has tossed Ben Affleck to the kerb and started a new life with Chris Hemsworth. It has been a gradual affair. But it ramped up this week when the boys ditched Hollywood’s biggest night and stayed shacked up in Byron Bay at that Westfield Chris is building.

Matt Damon and toy boy Chris Hemsworth.

It’s sad to see a bromance end. Matt and Ben were the picture perfect couple throughout the ‘90s and noughties.

Other men tried to replicate what they had. George Clooney and Brad Pitt. Seth Rogen and James Franco.

But Matt and Ben had something special. Their bromance came before Hollywood, when they were just a pair of 20-somethings working on a crappy screenplay for some movie called Good Will Hunting.

They became Hollywood elite together. But now Matt’s traded Ben in for a newer model — Chris Hemsworth, with his meaty arms and sparkly eyes and ability to walk around everywhere in nothing but board shorts without looking like an idiot.

Matt and Chris’ bromance has been going on for a while but things really kicked into gear around the time Ben relapsed and his ex-wife Jennifer Garner had to perform an intervention in a fast-food drive-thru before taking him to rehab.

The new bromance was casual at first. Matt and his family would go visit the Hemsworths in Byron Bay for holidays. But the pair made a bold statement when they decided to ditch the Oscars this week and remain in Byron together.

The true sign things are official? While the Oscars was going on, Matt was snapped dashing down to Kmart.

This isn’t just a fling anymore. They’re ditching important events and nesting at Kmart. It’s serious.

The couple that fist pumps together, stays together.

THE ADULT VERSION OF FROZEN

Matt and Chris’ romantic vacation in Byron during the Oscars meant they successfully missed seeing Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga having sex on that piano in front of Glenn Close.

Everyone reckons the performance was one for the history books and, yeah, it was fine, but Bradley was flat and Lady Gaga was OTT and I guess all I’m saying is whenever I belt it out in my Honda it sounds much better.

We’re all just hoping it’s the last time we need to hear that stupid song. It’s incredibly annoying and impossible to escape. It is everywhere.

As comedian Mel Buttle said this week after cutting me off mid-rendition: “It’s the adult version of that Frozen song.”

Now, let’s just try to let it go.

I would’ve done it differently, but whatever.

EVERY DOYENNE HAS A KRYPTONITE

Ita Buttrose is one of those people everyone thinks you’re not allowed to criticise. “But she’s a doyenne!” they shriek when you roll your eyes at her new appointment as the chair of ABC.

She wasn’t on the carefully curated list of suggested candidates compiled by a very expensive recruitment company but she was hand-picked by ScoMo, so take from that what you will.

Is the former women’s magazine editor the right person for the job? Unless she plans on re-using the nude centrefold idea she came up with at Cleo a million years ago, don’t expect much modern thinking.

This appointment is only going to end in tears. Her kryptonite is well-documented: Brussels sprouts.

We saw the feral uprising that unfolded within ABC during Michelle Guthrie’s troubled tenure as the broadcaster’s managing director.

One wrong move from Ita and the permanently disgruntled ABC staff will follow in the footsteps of the doyenne’s former Studio 10 co-host Denise Drysdale and take matters into their own hands.

Brussels sprouts will roll.

Never let your subordinates know your kryptonite.

ELLE MACPHERSON, YOU HAD ONE JOB

Speaking of calcium deficiency, Elle Macpherson has had another fall. She stacked it on stage in Vienna where she was reportedly being paid an extraordinary amount of money to escort a rich old man.

I don’t meant that in a suggestive way, but that’s literally what she was doing there. It sounds like a dream gig and if there are any old people who want to pay me to hang out with them at corporate events and personal functions, I’m on-board.

But back to the stack. Elle was walking off the stage when she just collapsed on the floor.

It comes only a few months after she stacked it in a gutter in Sans Souci while leaving a florist.

It’s incredibly concerning seeing as she’s a supermodel and her job is literally to walk. I don’t know what’s going on with her lately but the constant falls are affecting her livelihood.

She’s just lucky she has that side gig selling protein shakes on the internet.

A rare photograph of Elle standing.

ARE YOU ABOUT IT?

Married At First Sight got some intruders this week and one of them has come armed with a catchphrase.

“I’m not about it,” she repeats while jolting her neck and flipping her hair. Whenever something happens she doesn’t like, she makes it known. “I’m not about it. That’s just something I’m not about,” she asserts.

The catchphrase is just one of many gifts we’ve been handed by MAFS. Take it on board and use it in your own life. Not really sure how to use it properly? Let’s go through some examples.

Taking your own food into the cinema instead of purchasing snacks from the candy bar? We’re all about it. We’re not paying $20 for a bag of Maltesers.

Driving over roundabouts instead of around them? Totally about it. It’s a baller move and we’ve got places to be.

Dogs with hyphenated names? Not about it. Stop it immediately.

Wearing clothes from the bottom of the dirty clothes basket because the smells have neutralised over a few days and they’re basically clean now? About it. And if you say you’re not about it, you’re lying.

Twitter and Facebook: @hellojamesweir