We’re still talking about these Logies looks

LET’S face it — most of us tune into the Logies simply to see what everyone is wearing. So let’s enjoy our favourite moments.

IT’S that time of year again. When Aussie “celebrities” will spend 36-48 hours preening their feathers and ironing their suits, ready to take on the Logies red carpet. That heady mix of B to C-grade fame, too much champagne and at least one international celebrity that has been paid handsomely to turn up and look no more than mildly annoyed.

What can we say about the Logies that hasn’t been said? I like to explain the Logies to international friends as, “Just like the Emmy Awards, but much, much worse.”

Usually, the girls are made to spin around on some kind of spinning thingie, and then men are high-fived when they turn up on breakfast television the next morning with a blood alcohol reading of 7.6. YES, I’m looking at you Karl. (Also, let’s go out for drinks soon. You look fun.)

The fact is, at least 96 per cent of people tune in to the Logies simply to see what everyone is wearing. The other 4 per cent come to see Richard Wilkins’ hair. As we get into the festive spirit of our impending TV awards, allow me to highlight some of my favourite and more questionable Logies red carpet moments from recent years that we need to talk about this very instant.

THE GOOD

Let’s just all stand up and applaud Jessica Marais for this look. Picture: Jason Edwards

Let’s be frank. Jessica Marais is a stone-cold fox. How is she real? This frock from 2016 is one of my all-time favourite Logies looks of forever. THIS, my Australian friends, is how you frock up for a red carpet. She nails it every time and will be sorely missed this year.

Looking forward to seeing how she’ll dress her recently announced bump on Sunday. Picture: Tim Carrafa

Carrie Bickmore is another of my red carpet darlings. This has to be one of the most beautiful red carpet looks ever. I mean, Oscars, eat your hearts out. This is absolutely magnificent in every way, from the tips of her fingers to the top of her soon to be beanie-covered head. GOD BLESS her. Can’t wait to see what she wears over her preggie belly on the weekend.

Zoe Foster Blake set the bar in pregnancy dressing with this frock. Picture: Daniel Pockett/WireImage

Speaking of preggie bellies, I couldn’t go past this beautiful look from Zoe Foster Blake in buttercup yellow last year, sporting a cute-as-anything baby bump. Minimal accessories to let the dress speak for itself — and perfectly polished hair, paired with a red lip. I’m in heaven.

She’s hard to miss. Picture: Julie Kiriacoudis

Kerri-Anne Kennerley wins my Benjamin Button award for ageing backwards. What is she, 7? I LOVE that KAK is a more mature woman wearing a heckin’ BRIGHT coloured frock. No demure dark blues or greens, but instead, the perfect pop of pink and my word, she looks SMOKIN’. This look going straight to the pool room.

I need details of her stylist. Picture: Julie Kiriacoudis

Holy Old Hollywood Glamour, whaddya call this love? Natalie Bassingthwaighte absolutely rocks this vintage hair and make-up with a vampy nail and a fabulous structured dress that is equal parts beautiful and unique. This is perfectly styled and I would like to slap her stylist on the back and buy him or her a cold one.

This is how you do black. Picture: Tim Carrafa

Not sure how to rock a plain old black dress? Look no further than Jennifer Hawkins in her Logies attire from 2015. This could not be more simple or more perfect. My eyes are watering with happiness. J.Hawk is basically red carpet royalty, so please bow down to her when she appears on the television machine and make sure NEVER to make eye contact or turn your back on her. Yaasss Qween.

UMMMMM, WHAT’S THAT THEN?

Look, I know she was pregnant with twins, but see above for how to nail a glamorous bump. Picture: Julie Kiriacoudis

In 2016, Rebecca Judd looted Spotlight of every last centimetre of tulle and wore this Cinderella-inspired frock. Not since the Marriage Equality Plebiscite was the nation more divided. Was this the MOST genius red carpet look of all time, or was the pouf and the flounce far too ridiculous for our humble Logies? Personally, I would have preferred this look to remain in the realm of fairytales. But we can’t win ‘em all. As you were Juddsy.

Do not refer to me as Angel.

Melissa George is one of our great TV talent exports. We know this, because she returned to Australia a few years ago and got very, very angry when a journalist asked her about her time on Home And Away circa 1876. Melissa was displeased. For she was so much more than Angel. I like to think she’ll be cheered by remembering her Australian heritage, and the time she dressed as the Jack of Hearts at the 1994 Logies.

All bow at the altar of Lee Lin Chin. Picture: Tim Carrafa

Please shut the front door RIGHT NOW if you don’t want to hear LOUD SCREAMS of approval. I love Lee Lin Chin more than Osher loves hairspray. Her fashion sense knows no bounds, and her care factor for conformity is precisely minus-76. I was so, so torn between this as my favourite Logies look of hers, and the year that she wore a tuxedo-type number resplendent with suspenders and a frilly shirt. And every last morsel was Ronald McDonald yellow. But I chose this. She is my muse. She is a maverick. I bow down to her.

She is very good at making worst-dressed lists. But I don’t know what else she does.

I’m still not completely sure who Susie Elelman is. But lest we forget this outfit. This outfit would make Nicki Minaj blush. Oh Susie, whoever you are, BRING YOUR A-GAME if you get a guernsey on Sunday night. I need to see you top this.

Thankfully Margot Robbie has upped her game since 2009.

Margot Robbie might be all Hollywood glamour and Leonardo DiCaprio-ing around the place these days, but we shall never forget when she was a mere mortal, wearing this exceptional mullet dress and side fringe. This is EVERYTHING that the 2000s made great. Amen sister.

This was not to my taste. Picture: Tim Carrafa

One of the most confusing Logies looks in recent memory was this get-up from Johanna Griggs. The year was 2015, and three years later, I’m still extremely confused about what is going on here.

This dress is so ridiculous it didn’t even fit the standard crop size. Picture: Joe Castro/AAP

I think that if you’re a celebrity reading this and looking for some last-minute guidance about walking the red carpet on Sunday, let me tell you this. Gigantic, voluminous dresses as seen here on Gorgi Coghlan are NOT appropriate for the Logies. EVER. They’re not even really appropriate for the Academy Awards. The only place this dress should have been worn is to the Cannes Film Festival Opening Gala red carpet — arguably the most glamorous and formal red carpet of the year. HECK, even the paparazzi have to wear black tie. Nobody likes a tall poppy Gorgi. Let’s bring things down a notch this year. Also, you’ll be able to go to the toilet without seven handmaids, so that’s something to be glad about.

Well folks, I hope this has whetted your collective appetites for Sunday night’s showcase of frocks and shocks. I’ll be back on Monday with my picks of the best and worst looks of the night that was.

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