Readers have plenty to say about mock map of Melbourne

Some found it hilarious while others were offended, but a map mocking Melbourne’s suburbs has drawn a huge reaction — including some classic new suburb nicknames.

Deadline art for March 15

Readers have weighed in big time after our item last week on a map of Melbourne locations and their slang local nicknames.

The professional-looking thing went wild on the Herald Sun’s Facebook page where thousands of contributors gave their view and dished up new names — almost all uncomplimentary — for their own suburbs or those of others.

Some western suburbs locals said the name Footscrazy and Footazkrey needed to be included, ASAP.

There was general agreement that Bongwater was the true name of Bayswater, which seems to make more sense as it is nowhere near any bay.

Other new entries from out east included Pox Hill and Moronia while some seemed pretty keen on Seaford being renamed Scumford.

Our question about whether Hoppers Crossing was named Swappers Crossing because of the exchange of stolen goods or rampant polygamy was answered in a series of posts from locals.

One of them stated the suburb’s other title was Herpes Crossing.

Deer Park’s Morgan Howie said: “Having it named Fear Dark would be pretty funny if it wasn’t so true.”

One woman recalled how she had once been rebuked for using Williamstown instead of its official title, Willy.

There was much love for the map’s inclusion of Chernoble Park for Noble Park and many asked where they could buy a copy for their wall.

Deadline has spoken to the map’s creator and it’s not some lifelong Melburnian like Nev from Newport or Rachel from Rowville.

Turns out the man behind it is an enterprising Kiwi genius named Topher Agar who mined the world of social media to find the hundreds of different names on his Melbourne map.

“Basically, it’s a linguo-mapular fetish that’s gone a bit far,” he said.

Clearly, such local names are not a strictly Victorian phenomenon.

Mr Agar, who operates under the name Topherette, has spent two years on such work and is well-advanced on a worldwide version.

“I got the idea after noticing that such maps had not really been done before, in spite of the commonness of many of the names,” he said.

Mr Agar’s work is available at https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/140559336 and, we’re advised, the full version can be viewed on the shittownsofaustralia Facebook and Substack sites.

It has clearly struck a chord in Melbourne town.

“I’m sure some muppet will be offended but, as for me, that’s going straight up in the pool room,” reader Mark Nicholas said on our Facebook page.

Balsillie vs Bank in battle for luxury car

Who would you rather deal with; a major bank or an imposing ex-bikie strongman?

It’s a tough choice because one is ruthless and uncompromising with many victims and the other is a former organised crime figure.

We only ask because a court will soon decide whether a luxury vehicle should be returned to former Mongol outlaw motorcycle gang member Mark Balsillie or end up in the clutches of the Westpac Bank.

The black Range Rover was seized from Balsillie a while back in some kind of Echo Taskforce operation and is now the subject of something called an interpleader summons.

It seems the bank’s interest relates to its dealings with the vehicle’s previous owner.

Deadline has been told the Range Rover has nothing to do with anything Balsillie was charged with and the court hearing is required to establish whether it is returned to him or Westpac.

Former bikie strongman Mark Balsillie. Picture: David Crosling

Pots and kettles

Interesting to hear an officer accused of improperly releasing confidential information has gone to corruption investigators.

And what is the nature of the complaint?

It is that information about that member’s alleged inappropriate release of confidential information inappropriately found its way to the media.

A relatively bad bunch

Troubled times for a lively rural Victorian family at the moment.

One member was recently charged with a high-level crime which could send him to prison for quite a few years if he’s found guilty.

That follows an encounter involving another of the clan last year in which he is said to have lost fingers in a confrontation with some local badasses.

Word is he was tied to a chair and tortured for some time, away from prying eyes and well out of earshot.

When taken to hospital to be patched up, the word is that one of his assailants got in touch via text with words not of the “get well soon” variety.

“It’s not over,” the SMS read.

Police carrying out random breath testing discovered older does not mean wiser. Picture: Ian Currie

Old enough to know better

Age is no barrier to stupidity, as police at Seymour found on the weekend.

The cops had been setting up a drug and alcohol testing site on Anzac Avenue when they heard a revving commotion from nearby.

After seeing a huge amount of blue smoke billowing from a Ford ute, they decided they’d better have a look.

On board were a 55-year-old Broadford man with an 85-year-old passenger.

The young buck’s vehicle was impounded for a month and he is expected to be charged with driving offences.

Time to cram on the tram

The wheels of justice turn slowly but so do those of a tram.

A Deadline spy recently spotted a leading Victorian judge filling in time on the slow road to town by brushing up on some decisions using the popular Austlii legal site.