Deadline: Lockdown can’t stop nose beers for Range Rover mums

From posh mums hitting the white powder — not on the slopes — to an ex-cop sneaking in guests to get on the beers, Lockdown 6.0 can’t stop Melburnians from partying.

Deadline.

Melbourne’s top crime writers Andrew Rule and Mark Buttler with the latest crime buzz.

DON’T SNORT THE GREEN SNOW

Which group of school mums have switched from their usual winter activity of hitting the white powder on the slopes to something closer to home, also involving powder?

The mail is that their all-night, midweek sessions are becoming a strain for well-to-do neighbours.

Which means trouble is looming for these yummy mummy snow bunnies.

But the Range Rover set of Melbourne’s opulent inner-east aren’t the only ones who think lockdown laws are for other people.

In another social set entirely, covert-Covid shindigs are creeping across the suburbs.

They might not be skiing, but the Ranger Rover set is still hitting the white powder.

Among the festive few getting on the beers is a former cop who has been sneaking in guests through a secret entry, the same route that over-refreshed guests use to exit the scene some hours later.

Lockdown also apparently doesn’t apply to some others in the northern suburbs.

One particular neighbourhood is leading the field in late night antics.

This host, with no shortage of partakers, has had to do multiple supply runs that take him well outside the exclusion zone.

DON’T CRUSH CHOPPER’S PRIDE

It is 21 years this month since Chopper the film was released to critical acclaim in New York and some unacclaimed criticism in New Norfolk, Tasmania.

The film launched the career of director Andrew Dominik. The producer who pulled the project together, Michele Bennett, is one of the quiet achievers behind the brilliant crime drama series Mr Inbetween, which forensic experts believe bears traces of Chopper DNA.

Most of all, the film was a ticket to Hollywood fame and fortune for much-loved comedian “Poida”, St Kilda supporter and out-and-proud petrol head Eric Bana.

Eric Bana as ‘Chopper’ Read.

The one and only Mark ‘Chopper’ Read.

It’s true that Read was always keen for Bana to play “Chopper” — even when the crew who made Romper Stomper had been touting a brash young Kiwi called Russell Crowe if they got to make the film.

When Bana went to Tasmania to study the man with no ears, it all worked out. Read always reckoned Bana played the part better than Chopper played himself, using the mannerisms he picked up after they had a few beers together.

It comes to pass that Bana now has a chance to toss a favour in the other direction. He might recall that the real-life Chopper had a V8 Holden Statesman, black in colour. The car stayed in Tassie when Chopper returned to Collingwood with (he said afterwards) the clothes on his back and not much else.

A friend of the family kept the black beast going all these years but made the understandable mistake of handing it over to Chopper’s son Charlie a few months ago.

Charlie’s mum Mary-Ann Read warned him about driving like a hoon but he wrapped the Statesman around an immovable object within days.

Chopper with his son Charles at 7 months.

Charlie Read outside Hobart Magistrates Court. Picture: Nikki Davis-Jones

The front end is now more bashed around than the original owner’s head was. The car is now in the long-suffering Mary-Ann’s backyard and she is not happy.

Charlie is being held in remand on various (unrelated) charges and will be in no position to fix the car for a while.

Meanwhile, his mum wants the wounded Statesman to go to a good home to be restored, saving it from the wreckers.

If any car fancier out there took a shine to Chopper’s Statesman, it would be good. But if that car fancier were Eric Bana, it would be some sort of karma.

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TATTS A RAFFLE

The smartest thing a crook can do is not stand out or be easily identified.

Despite that, crims have been keen on tattoos since convicts arrived on the First Fleet. The above-mentioned Chopper Read, for instance, had dozens, the most interesting of which was I LOVE ITA BUTTROSE on his butt.

One current fugitive, Jim Soukoulis, probably won’t be going to the beach or the pool this summer, as he’ll be keen to keep his shirt on at all times.

Soukoulis was last seen in South Melbourne two years ago and probably has an alias or three, with false ID to match.

But it’s going to be harder to explain away the distinctive tatts on his upper body if the police grab him.

These include a Capricorn star sign on the left side of his chest, a Taurus bull on the right and Medusa, from Greek mythology, on his back.

Jim Soukoulis is wanted by police.

Such things are as distinctive as fingerprints and hard to disguise.

If and when Jim is recognised, he runs the risk of being banged back behind bars over a scheme to strip out a Cessna light aircraft in California and load it with 255kg of ice to be flown to Australia.

The result of that crazy scheme, had it come off, would have been like Jim winning Tatts. Instead of that, tatts are probably going to sink Jim.