Spud’s game 2023: Justin Koschitzke kept mental health battle from teammates and family

Justin Koschitzke’s phone would ring for six months, three times a week. But he would ignore his former teammates as he battled harrowing mental health issues.

Former St Kilda star Justin Koschitzke has courageously detailed the harrowing mental health battle he faced in the wake of his playing career, saying he hid the true extent of his suffering from his family and friends for years.

Speaking at a fundraiser for the Danny Frawley Centre where he works, Koschitzke said he had rediscovered more purpose and direction in his life, and encouraged others to speak up and get help for their mental health.

The 200-gamer and gun goal kicker experienced horrific head knocks during his career, and was dealing with devastating impacts of concussions, including the heaviest blow in 2006 in a game against Western Bulldogs.

Nick Riewoldt and Justin Koschitzke combine in their playing days.

Koschitzke, who has kept his mental health problems largely private since he retired, said he moved to regional New South Wales at one point and masked his issues from those closest to him, including his best mates from the Saints.

The full forward said he experienced “a lot of maladaptive behaviours trying to disassociate from myself and get out of my own head” and at times was “struggling to get out of bed”, but hoped being open about his hard times would help others reach out for help.

“It is disconnection, right? My phone would ring for six months, three times a week, it would be Joey (Leigh Montagna), or Lenny (Hayes), Roo (Nick Riewoldt),” Koschitzke said.

“All those guys who I had spent so much time with, went to war with and battled with for 13 years and had families together, partners, the whole lot.

“I would see them on my phone, ringing, and I just couldn’t pick up the phone. I could not answer the phone.

“Even my brothers, I didn’t want to tell them where I was, what I was doing, how I was feeling. The shame and the guilt. The two big security guards standing on the gate.

“Until you can get your s*** together and pick up and realise and accept that help, it’s going to end pretty bad.”

Koschitzke, who was speaking in front of more than 1000 people at a ‘Spud’s Lunch’ function, said things had improved since he sought help, amid a separation from his partner.

Justin Koschitzke presents Nathan Freeman with his first jumper in 2018. Picture: Darrian Traynor/Getty Images

He has reconnected with his friends and his football club and said his role at the Danny Frawley Centre, which helps people with their health and wellbeing, had been crucial.

“It is OK at the moment, it has certainly been worse,” he said.

“I feel like I’m going in the right direction. The people that I am surrounded with now and what the Frawley Centre is and Danny’s legacy has given me some purpose and some direction.

“Being connected again with a place that I love so dearly with some really good people. The things you learn, disconnection and feeling like a burden are major causes in mental health which can lead to suicide.

“I certainly went through stages where I felt disconnected and like I was a burden on people and didn’t want to share anything.

“I did realise there was love out there and I did do something and that I was a part of something with my mate and the footy club.”

Koschitzke, 40, said it was difficult to open up, and felt the urge to “run” instead of speaking to Hamish McLachlan about his journey at ‘Spud’s Lunch’ last Friday, ahead of ‘Spud’s Game’ against Brisbane on Friday night at Marvel Stadium.

He urged people to take off their own masks which can be used as a shield to hide their own issues.

“That’s what you just get good at. (Host) Alicia (Loxley) just walked up to me out the back and every bit of me just wanted to run and not walk out here,” he said.

“I said ‘Yeah I’m good, I’m great’. It’s ingrained in you. To say that everything is great.

Justin Koschitzke has detailed his mental health journey on the eve of Spud’s game on Friday night.

“That is what a stoic Australian man has to do, that is what you get used to.

“You don’t want to let your guard down, everybody in the room knows what that feels like.

“You want everyone to think you are flying. In the industry that I was in – the AFL it puts you on a pedestal – and you think everyone wants to see you as that person.”

Koschitzke, who revealed he played with a significant “fear factor” after the 2006 hit, said he was enjoying trying to help others at the Danny Frawley Centre which relies on crucial funds to run community programs.

“I’m here for a reason, it’s not about me, I’ve been given something to help people open up – that’s why you need to talk,” he said.

“If anyone can see that I can sit up here and talk and be as uncomfortable as . My God I can’t describe it. If I can, anybody can. It has to happen, and you are not alone.”