Former Saint Justin Koschitzke reveals mental health battle he fought during AFL career
Justin Koschitzke has revealed his feelings of loneliness and ‘self loathe’ he experienced during his AFL career. Now the former Saint hopes he can help others from hitting the same lows.
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Former St Kilda star Justin Koschitzke has opened up on the mental health battle he faced during his AFL career, revealing the isolation, fear and “self loathe” he experienced during his playing days.
The forward was a fan favourite across 200 matches at the Saints, his likeable off-field nature complementing the on-field prowess that saw him selected with pick 2 in the 2000 national draft behind club legend Nick Riewoldt.
But behind that knockabout persona the man known as Kosi was waging a tough battle of which few were aware.
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“It’s not always what it seems from the outside,” Koschitzke said.
“Certainly for me, under the surface, there was a lot of other things bubbling away that made it really scary, lonely, isolating place to be at times.”
Now 37, Koschitzke said the stigma attached to mental health prevented him from confronting his issues but things got to a point where he had “no choice but to go and seek help” as he grappled with feelings of anxiety and low self worth.
“We had a sports psychologist (at St Kilda). I remember being encouraged to speak to him and I can distinctly remember him shutting the door and sitting down and trying to get into me to be mindful and aware at that time. I just told him to jam it,” Koschitzke recalled.
“It was just like, ‘Just tell me how to get a kick, mate. Tell me how to go out there and play footy and how to crash packs and do what I’m supposed to do — not be aware of my feelings and the state of my body and my environment’, which now is a really good tool.
“That’s something that I’ve worked on over a long time to feel really comfortable in myself.”
Koschitzke was speaking as part of an AFL Players Association’s Courageous Conversations campaign — run in partnership with Movember — which aims not only to reduce stigma but also and promote mental health literacy not only across the AFL but in the broader community.
His words come as clubs and the league acknowledge a growing number of mental health cases across the competition.
Earlier this year AFL chief Gillon McLachlan said mental health was the “No.1 issue” among playing groups, with the league appointed Dr Kate Hall as a designated head of mental health and wellbeing.
“I just wish at 18 there wasn’t a stigma (associated with mental health), that I had the tools to be vulnerable, to go forward, to have the courage to open up to somebody that I trusted and tell them how I’m feeling and go a little bit easier on myself and not be so critical and speak to myself in a damaging way,” Koschitzke said.
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After stepping away from footy and thinking he’d “never go back” to a club environment, the 2001 Rising Star returned this year in a consultancy role as part of the Gold Coast Suns’ coaching team — and hopes can help prevent others plunging to the depths he once reached.
“It’s hugely important ... It helps how I’m going and how I’m treating people and thinking about myself as well as the amazing satisfaction of seeing somebody improve from your experiences — and having go through that and (to) have a better experience than you did,” he said.
“To see somebody maybe avoid the performance anxiety and the isolation and the loneliness and the pure fear of walking up the race (on) game day — and not being in that isolated position and (feeling of) self loathe — it’s a real gift and I hope that maybe there’s someone out there that I can help with that.”