Nicky Winmar making a proud stand for his gay son, Tynan
NICKY Winmar proudly embraces his son, Tynan, who has come out as gay, and sends a powerful message with the same intensity that drove his iconic stance against racism.
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NICKY Winmar gazed across Victoria Park and started jumbling the words to Harry Chapin’s enduring song Cat’s In The Cradle.
For 20-odd years, the former St Kilda and All-Australian player wasn’t in the life of his son Tynan.
But now that they have reconnected, Winmar wants to talk to Tynan — and Tynan often can’t find the time.
“It’s amazing to look at him, the mature man he is now,” Winmar said.
“We have a great bond. We always try to talk on phone, but it’s always me calling him.
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“He’s sort of telling me now, you know, ‘The cat’s in the cradle and silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon ... when you coming home, dad?’.
“You hear that song now and then and you do drop a tear thinking about those words, about seeing him again, you know — ‘We’ll get together soon, dad’.’’
Tynan, 28, was standing 30m away from the exact spot where, in 1993, his father raised his St Kilda jumper and famously pointed at his black skin.
Herald Sun photographer Wayne Ludbey was with him ... and it just happens that it was Ludbey who took that iconic photo all those years ago.
But this wasn’t about making a stand against racism.
It was about making a stand for Tynan, who is gay, and for all gay people around Australia.
I have a good relationship with mum, finally have a good relationship with my dad, finally have a good relationship with myself. I finally got to the stage where I love myself.
- Tynan Winmar 
“I’m proud I can do this for him, and his friends and others out there — if you’re gay, be proud of who you are,’’ Winmar said this week.
“I was proud to stand up for indigenous people in sport and now it’s time to stand up for these guys. Life is too short.”
Tynan hadn’t spoken to his dad for 10 years and then, two years ago, decided to come out to him.
He called him in Western Australia and broke the news.
He’d told his mum Kelly about eight years ago, but it was different for dad.
“I said to mum, ‘That’s who I am and I’m finally comfortable to say that’,” Tynan said.
Father and son 😇 #PrideGame pic.twitter.com/Yz8PuB9LNp
— St Kilda FC (@stkildafc) August 11, 2016
“She got upset, but she wasn’t upset for the wrong reason.
“She wasn’t upset that I was gay — she loves me no matter what — but she was more concerned about me being picked on and treated differently for it, which is every mother’s concern.
“Dad, I was more nervous about because on top of being estranged and not having the closest relationship growing up, but also being indigenous and the calibre of athlete he was, and that it was a bit taboo being gay. Well, I felt it was.
“I wasn’t ashamed; more nervous. I told him, ‘I’m gay, I’m happy’ and he embraced it.
“And I think at that stage he was more than happy to have me in his life again.”
Tynan shared his story in support of Saturday night’s Pride Game between St Kilda and Sydney at Etihad Stadium.
His story is about the son of an AFL superstar and the expectation that came with that.
A story about a boy who struggled with his identity and who kept secrets. And it’s a story about a man who’s now afraid of nothing.
Tynan’s parents split up when he was eight. He lived in Ballarat with mum and dad went “drifting”.
“I had an idea I might’ve been gay when I was about 14 or 15 in high school,” Tynan said.
It was a shock when he told me. I took a short breath but, no matter what, he’s still my boy and I’m just proud he’s grown into being a great young man.
- Nicky Winmar
He chose not to follow in his father’s footsteps and play football, preferring basketball.
It always seemed he was answering the same question: “You’re Nicky Winmar’s son, why aren’t playing footy?”
“It was a struggle to try keep this secret amongst a community who know who you are and just trying to be comfortable with yourself,” he said.
“I became more comfortable after high school. After I came out, you just feel this weight is off your shoulders. You become a happy person, you can be yourself.
“It’s hard to explain because until you’re in that situation, where you have to keep a secret from someone you know for your whole life, it’s really rewarding.”
The torment is gone, but not forgotten.
“There’s been tears, definitely,” Tynan said.
“I tried to keep a brave face, but there’s plenty of times when I’ve fallen apart. But what I’ve been proud about myself is that I haven’t let anyone make feel bad for being gay.”
If there’s residue from not having a relationship with his father, Tynan does not share it.
This is a time of enlightenment and strength and, anyway, his dad knows he’s not a contender for father of the year.
It was only after Winmar had a heart attack in September, 2012, that Tynan began the process of re-connecting.
“He definitely regrets what happened in the past, he knows that, he knows he’s not perfect, but he’s making an effort,” Tynan said.
“I love him. For a long time I didn’t feel like it, but in the past couple of years I feel our relationship is as strong as it’s ever been.
“I don’t even think it’s about my sexuality. I know it’s big part of it, but he’s just happy to have a son in his life again.”
Two minority groups who are discriminated against are indigenous and gay — and Tynan accepts he will be a double-barrelled target for bigots, dickheads and the disillusioned.
He admits that to come out today, in the face of fear of that backlash, was a long-time “internal struggle”.
“At the end of the day, I have an opportunity to tell my story, be a face, be a voice, and if I help one person come to terms with their own internal struggle, it’s for the right reasons,” he said.
“There’s plenty of people who have this secret. I have met people who were married, had children and it wasn’t until their late 50s when they decided to come out.
“You can talk to people about it but can’t tell them how to do it.
“I’m happy and it’s taken me a long time to get that stage.
“I have a good relationship with mum, finally have a good relationship with my dad, finally have a good relationship with myself. I finally got to the stage where I love myself.”
It’s apparent that confidence, self-worth and support override all hatred.
“As soon as you tell someone you’re gay, there’s an embrace and it gives you the opportunity to embrace yourself, because you have so much internal hatred of yourself,” he said.
“No one wants to be different. Everyone just wants to fit in. And there’s nothing wrong with being gay and a lot of people do struggle with the fact they are and they’d prefer not to be. But you get to a stage where you say, ‘This is who I am’.”
The AFL, he said, can play a huge role in the acceptance of gay people.
“This is a perfect platform,” he said.
“There is such a persona of blokey-blokey and masculinity involved in the AFL and it goes to show if the AFL is on board, you are accepted anywhere. You shouldn’t be ashamed. More and more stories shared like this, the more it becomes discussed and becomes acceptable.
“Just like that iconic photo taken here of dad, it created a conversation around racism in sport and it’s an iconic moment in Australian sporting history.”
PROUD DAD: Why Winmar is taking a proud stand for son
NEW PRIDE: Sam’s proud to be a part of historic AFL match
IAN THORPE: ‘Why are there no openly gay AFL players’
AFL CHIEF: Pride game just the first step
Winmar was happy to be back in the AFL and this time it’s because of his son.
Next year, it will be 30 years since he arrived at St Kilda and, as part of the Pride Game, he will speak at the official function on Saturday night.
“This is a different story and we have to look after the young fellas these days,’’ Winmar said.
“It’s 2016, not the 1960s and ’70s when they used to hide and be scared of what they are and who they are.’’
Still, when Tynan called he was stunned with the revelation.
“It was a shock when he told me,” Winmar said.
“I took a short breath but, no matter what, he’s still my boy and I’m just proud he’s grown into being a great young man.
“You know, I’ve got other family members who are gay and it’s sad they weren’t treated like they are today.
“One of my cousins died being what he was, being gay. He walked in front of a bus. You just have to support and respect them.”
On this day, however, as Winmar cast an eye over Victoria Park, he couldn’t stop smiling.
“I love him to pieces,” he said. “I still think of him every now and then as a baby, wondering how and what he would turn out to be.
“I wish he played footy but, as I said, I wasn’t around and I didn’t help as much as I should have. But just to see him now, I’m just glad I’m still here to witness what he is doing.
“I’m so proud.”
HOMOPHOBIA IN SPORT
* 87 per cent of young gay Australians who play sport feel forced to hide their sexuality.
* 57 per cent of participants think adult sport is not a safe place for openly lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) people.
* 80 per cent of all participants and 82 per cent of LGB participants say they have witnessed or experienced homophobia in sport.
* 78% of participants believe an openly LGB person would not be very safe as a spectator at a sporting event.
* LGB Australians have up to 14 times higher rates of suicide attempts than heterosexuals.
* LGB and transgender people are three times more likely to experience depression.
* 60 per cent of LGBT young people say they experienced verbal abuse because of their sexuality, while 18 per cent reported physical abuse.
Sources: BeyondBlue; “Out on the fields” study into LGB people in team sport; Australian Huamn Rights Commission
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