How parents should prepare their kids for the possibility of a Collingwood premiership
It’s a grim prospect for parents to face, but if Collingwood defeats West Coast in the grand final replay this weekend, they must act now to steel their children for the possibility of a Magpie flag.
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Last year, this country came alarmingly close to the doomsday scenario of a Collingwood
premiership.
Since then, many parents have admitted to me they did not prepare their children well enough last year for such a terrible outcome.
This year, parents have no excuse. The Pies are a clear and present danger when it comes to a premiership, as their game against Richmond shows.
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A win tonight against West Coast in the Grand Final rematch and it’s clear you have to talk to your kids.
Here are some tips on how to handle this most difficult of situations.
Use simple, clear words
To break the news that Collingwood could win the premiership this year, use words that are
simple and direct. For example, “The worst thing to ever happen in your lifetime could occur as early as the 28th of September. It is the stuff of nightmares.”
Pause to give your child a moment to take in your words.
Listen and comfort
Every child reacts differently to learning that Eddie McGuire could one day be happy. Some kids cry. Some ask questions. Others don’t appear to react at all. Stay with your child and offer reassurance.
Do not start sobbing and yelling, “Why lord? Why!” no matter how much you want to. Save that for when you’re alone in the car.
Put emotions into words
Talk about your own feelings as it helps kids feel comfortable with theirs. Say things like, “I know you’re feeling sad but I’m much sadder because I’ve lived through a few of these and I know what’s coming.” Or, “Do you know what rage, despair and hopelessness are? Because I’m feeling those too.”
Tell your child what to expect
A Collingwood premiership means changes in your child’s life. Address their fears by explaining what will happen. For example, “It will not be safe to go outside for several months.”; or, “Remember when Mittens died? This will be like that but worse and will go on for longer”.
Give your child a role
Having a small, active role can help kids master an unfamiliar and emotional situation. A good one is to make them sit up all night on sentry duty like everyone else when your house is in lockdown.
These simple tips should get you through what is a troubling time for all of us. Luckily, Collingwood premierships don’t happen that often but they happen often enough that you must be prepared.
Issue of the week
Has the AFL gone soft?
The case for
* James Sicily got sympathy from non-Hawthorn supporters this week
* Mason Cox had to appeal a charge of “loitering with intent”
* It’s been soft ever since they banned king-hitting someone when they weren’t looking. Political correctness gone mad
The case against
* Liam Picken had to retire this week because of concussion
* I would die if an AFL player brushed past me, let alone tackled me
* The AFL is so inconsistent in their decisions, so how could you ever tell?
More Titus: titusoreily.com
* Catch Titus O’Reily’s Comedy Festival show Better Living Through Sport from March 27-April 21 at The Imperial Hotel. Bookings: comedyfestival.com.au
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