Why you should do karaoke at your work Christmas party

If you want to survive your work’s festive shindig — and keep your job — there are some rules you need to follow. And yes, that includes singing a few classics, writes Jill Poulsen.

It’s not the fruit mince pies in Coles and Woolies or the Christmas carols on repeat that herald the start of my festive period.

It’s when the work Christmas party rolls around that I really start to let my jingle bells rock.

Employees all over the nation bust their humps every year and, apart from our hard earned wages, we expect a nice party to let our hair down and to celebrate with our colleagues.

But as with most activities that involve freebies the humble Christmas party is not without its risks. In fact one of my dear old mates at work refuses to attend them — she says the probability she’ll lose her job after a few too many truth serums is too high a price to pay for a night of folly.

As discussed in my last column, the proliferation of the workplace health and safety boffins, combined with an increasing tendency of Australians to sue, means you can easily find yourself in strife.

I’ve identified a few problem areas that have seen more than one person given the “don’t come Monday”, so here’s some advice on how to have an excellent night while remaining gainfully employed. (*Please note this advice should not be relied upon in the Fair Work Commission)

It’s always a good idea to bust out Khe Sanh. Picture: iStock

KARAOKE

A recent survey found karaoke is favoured by one in two workplaces as their Christmas party event of choice. This is because it’s much cheaper than mini golf and also because bosses aren’t above sniggering at their employees making fools of themselves.

There is absolutely no shame is being a crap singer. Countless people have made careers out of it, where you run into trouble is song choice. But try to steer clear of power ballads, if you start tearing up while singing Adele’s Hello you might be providing your workplace with a bit too much insight into the failings of your personal life. By the same token you don’t want to go too fun. Because good luck making eye contact with your superior after they’ve seen you grind around on stage channelling Missy Elliott while singing Work It.

Keep it light — think Spice Girls, Cold Chisel, Disney classics or my personal favourite, Peter Andre.

GETTING FLIRTY

The Christmas party seems like the perfect time to let your office crush know how you feel. It’s probably not but, putting that aside, there are some ways you could make your interest known without risking a sexual harassment complaint.

Try writing on the back of a coaster: “Would you like to go out with me? Tick yes or no.” Or make sure whenever the platter of party pies and sausage rolls goes around you get them one and take it over. Alternatively you could use the method favoured by primary school students everywhere and send one of your friends over to one of their friends to see if they like you back before approaching them. Registering your interest via an arm’s length transaction not only saves you from face-to-face rejection but it might also keep you out of the HR office.

Approaching your office crush via a friend is a good option. Picture: iStock

DANCING BY YOURSELF

Is there anything more pleasurable in life than a good old fashioned boogie after 26 glasses of champagne? Probably. Nevertheless, it’s hard to deny it’s a great joy. However, when you’re at a work function you need to a little extra care. Firstly, it’s not appropriate to grab anyone on the dancefloor, unless you’re about to fall over and genuinely need help.

Secondly you need to watch your eye contact. The last thing you want to do is stare creepily at the receptionist while you’re twerking.

HEART TO HEARTS

If you’re anything like me, an open bar often coincides with my desire to tell people how I really feel. Even if I’ve just decided I feel that way in the last 20 minutes. Like when I was at a friend’s wedding and told everyone I hated the groom. Turns out honesty is not always the best policy. Keep that in mind when you decide to do a reverse performance review with your boss.

If all of this seems a bit much take a leaf out of my mate’s book and just stay home with your chummy cat instead.

Jill Poulsen is a columnist for The Courier-Mail.

@jill_poulsen

Originally published as Why you should do karaoke at your work Christmas party