Last night Married at First Sight proved men cry too

REALITY television has proved to be one of the few places we see men wrestle with their emotions. But seeing men cry is a positive move for mental health, writes Seb Starcevic.

SUNDAY night’s episode of Married at First Sight was perhaps the most emotional so far.

It was a night of heartbreaks and breakthroughs as the couples confessed their true feelings for each other in the first ‘commitment ceremony’ of the season, a sort of group therapy session with a reality TV twist.

One by one, they were asked whether they wanted to dump their partner or remain in the relationship. When it was Sean and Blair’s turn, the tatted-up ‘Tinder Lothario’ spoke about his “self-destructive” past, including his struggles with finding love and his subsequent reluctance to open up.

“It’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be, kind of exposing yourself like this,” Sean said. “I probably put some walls up.”

When the experts asked him to elaborate, he didn’t immediately respond. He fidgeted and cleared his throat several times, his voice trembling as he tried to speak. He covered his face with his hands, but there was no stopping what happened next. He started crying.

Sean started to break down, and Blair offered some words of support. (Pic: Channel Nine)

When Blair tried to comfort him, he shrugged off her touch and rushed out of the room. As he wept and cursed off-camera, the expressions around the room ranged from shock to obvious discomfort. Clearly some of them had never seen a grown man cry before and didn’t know how to react.

It was a surprisingly powerful moment of television (especially since it was sneaked into a show that in the past has been slammed as exploitative and cruel). Here was proof that men do cry despite decades of social messaging to the contrary.

This isn’t the first time a male contestant has teared up in the pressure cooker of reality TV. The Block 2015 competitor Andy broke down in the middle of a gruelling week of renovations, sobbing uncontrollably when confronted by foreman Keith over his time management.

Later, Andy said the cry “needed to happen” and he wasn’t ashamed. But shame is an all-too-common response when men are hit with an unexpected barrage of emotions.

The Block 2015 contestants Whitney Noland and Andrew Simmons, who had an emotional outburst on the show. (Pic: Julie Kiriacoudis)

From an early age, boys are taught that displays of vulnerability are unmanly, punished for failing to conform to a rigid code of masculinity and encouraged to hide their suffering under an armour of blokey bravado.

Yet according to Beyondblue, one in eight men will experience depression at one stage in their life. Worse, men account for an alarming 3 out of 4 deaths by suicide.

To put the crisis in perspective: the number of Australians who kill themselves each year is more than double the national road toll. In 2016, there were nearly 3000 deaths by suicide. And an alarming 75 per cent of those victims were men.

Mental health professionals have identified the stigma surrounding mental illness in men and the tyranny of toxic masculine standards as contributing factors to male suicide. In other words, not being able to have a good, healthy cry is part of the problem.

After a few comforting shoulder pats and words of sympathy from his partner and two male friends, Sean eventually returned to his seat to a round of applause.

“With some of the struggles I’ve had — being a dude, I just, like, suppressed it,” he said once he’d composed himself. “I found it really difficult to open up on that level.”

If there’s a takeaway here, it’s that it’s easy to bottle it up, but as Sean showed, it takes real courage to let it out. And there’s nothing manlier than that.

If you are experiencing depression or are suicidal, or know someone who is, help is available.

Lifeline: 13 11 44

Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636