Forget FOMO, this year it’s all about JOMO

If scrolling through Instagram makes you want to crawl into bed and never get out again, don’t worry, you’re not alone. But there’s a new solution, writes Bianca O’Neill.

One of my new year’s resolutions in 2019 is to say “no” more.

Basically, my plan is to act like Jim Carrey in the movie Yes Man, but instead of achieving nirvana by learning about the amazing opportunities that can come from saying yes to everything, I’m going to achieve enlightenment a slightly different way.

A more satisfying way. A way that incorporates hiding in a darkened room and watching Marie Kondo episodes on repeat, punctuated by a series of loud, emphatic exclamations of “no!”.

OK, so maybe it’ll be more Jim Carrey in The Grinch than Yes Man, but instead of giving in to my anxiety-ridden need to satiate the FOMO (fear of missing out) beast, I’m going to embrace JOMO instead. That is, the Joy Of Missing Out.

Self-help books and TED Talks repeatedly tell us to say “yes” to every opportunity. Joining a friend on a walk, attending a conference, catching up with an out-of-town friend for a drink at 9pm on a Wednesday night.

It’s less lean in, and more lie down. Picture: Supplied

But what these self-appointed gurus often fail to realise is that all saying yes does is make everyone else happy rather than the person trying to fit 1000 events — that they aren’t particularly invested in — into an already hectic schedule.

And anyway, who cares about everyone else? They suck. Especially self-help book authors.

For years, I’ve been party to the collective existential crises of FOMO.

I’ve spent hours scrolling through Instagram (and Facebook and Pinterest and Snapchat), wondering why my life isn’t as exciting as everyone else’s.

I’ve pushed myself to say yes to more events, more parties, more dinners — all because I fear that if I say no, I might miss the elusive event of the year and, the ultimate Instagrammable moment that will fill others with the kind of envy that consumes me.

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But you know what? All those yeses meant I missed out on something altogether more important: time for myself.

And it turns out I’m not the only one transitioning from an anxious obsession with FOMO into a love of JOMO.

Across social media, a movement is emerging: one that is about embracing time alone and the pleasure of saying no.

Memes are popping up everywhere about the growing love of JOMO, but some people don’t agree with the idea of ditching your friends for Netflix.

If I truly "lived each day like my last" I would probably just cancel my plans and lie down.

— Babe Parker 📝 (@BabeParker) May 26, 2016

Glamour Magazine recently warned of the dangers of this new attitude to friendships — pointing out that the penchant for posting memes about being proud of bailing on your friends is driving social acceptance of lonerism and isolation (apparently they’ve never heard of group chat).

So are we being selfish by pursuing a life of less, or are we just starting to be more honest about those friendships that don’t really matter to us?

JOMO isn’t just about being selfish — it allows us to slow down, focus on what’s important, and be purposeful with our time.

By freeing up the anxiety that builds from competitive or depressive feelings scrolling through social media, you’ll be able to focus that energy on — I don’t know — your family? The friends who really matter? Yourself?

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In the olden days of a pre-Instagram and pre-Facebook world, we didn’t have a fear of missing out because we didn’t have a constant highlight reel of what we were missing out on.

Other people’s best moments weren’t beaming into our brains in order to make us feel bad. We didn’t get jealous about what they were doing because… well we probably didn’t think of them at all.

Do you suffer from FOMO? (Fear of missing out). What about JOMO? With thanks to Michael Leunig pic.twitter.com/IH92et3hln

— The Crowd (@thecrowd) April 16, 2018

These days, I feel more connected than ever before, but I also never leave a social media scroll feeling better about myself, any smarter, or more inspired. We’ve become dependent on social media for connections, but in doing so we’ve neglecting the real life connections that actually give us pleasure.

Sure, there are going to be plenty of baby showers and family events and opening nights for terrible plays your friends are in that you have to go to, and you’re going to have to grin and bear it — regardless of how many times your annoying aunt will question you about your child-bearing plans.

They won’t be Instagrammable. They won’t be jealousy inducing for your friends.

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However, once you discover the joy of JOMO, all you’ll be thinking about is making your escape from said event, back to your comfy bed and that weird Sandra Bullock film on Netflix about a woman who took JOMO way too far. (Not Birdbox. That one where she escapes the stresses of daily life, like a husband knocking on the toilet door to ask you about a bill you forgot to pay, to go on a holiday in space where she finally gets some freaking time alone. Gravity, I believe it’s called).

Bianca O’Neill is a Melbourne-based freelance writer. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.