Welcome to the Melbourne dating jungle
IT’S not all coffee, wine and roses for the seasoned singles of Melbourne. Sometimes it’s morticians, moonshine and missing teeth.
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DATING in Melbourne is not all coffee, wine and roses. Sometimes it’s morticians, moonshine and missing teeth.
Seasoned singles are sharing their worst dating stories on Bad Dates of Melbourne and it sounds pretty rough out there.
One post details the biting end to an underwhelming first date in South Yarra.
“I lent in for the obligatory hug — but oh no that wasn’t on her mind. She jumped with the strength of a South African springbok combined with the wide, open jaws of a great white shark,” the disgruntled dater recounted.
“Sharkbok missed my mouth — but her chompers did get something — a nice chunk of beard hair.”
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A backhanded compliment was the nail in one date’s coffin.
“I can tell you are a really caring person ... and I love the way you have done your makeup. You know ... you would make a great mortician.”
Another story includes a date to Nandos with a criminal who explains he makes his own bootleg “super booze” and then his tooth breaks off.
“I am left sitting across from a man missing his left front tooth. NIGHTMARE.”
One of the most popular posts detailed what it was like to date a corporate Melbourne man.
“He wears a suit every day but shows his personality through his ‘colourful sock collection’. You will need to comment on his colourful socks. Every. Day.”
One date told his dinner companion his mother had died.
“Then his mum comes up in conversation again and he admits, ‘Oh, haha, nah, I made up that thing about her being dead.’
“The night ended with me throwing his scarf out a window to avoid his attempt to lock in a second date.”
These are just some of the dating disaster stories being posted to the page every day.
Alita Brydon, 33, started the project as a way for singles to have a laugh at the city’s “rollercoaster” dating scene.
“When you have a community like this with people sharing their stories you find out that you aren’t the only one and it’s not you and it’s actually a common occurrence,” Ms Brydon said.
“People private message me stories on Facebook and I go through them all and post the funniest ones.”
Ms Brydon said there were two common denominators in a lot of the stories sent in.
“A lot of bad dates seem to happen at Crown,” she said.
“And if someone is having a really bad date they will distract the person somehow and literally run away. They will Usain Bolt out of there so quick.”
Despite having been single for eight years, Ms Brydon still loves dating and doesn’t think her running the page will negatively affect her chances of finding Mr Right.
“If you’re intimidated by a Facebook page, you’re probably not the guy I want to go on a date with anyway,” she said.
“I still like to think everyone is looking for love, like me, and we’re all looking for that person to connect with.”
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