The Source: State gov releases annual list of compensation payments for workplace injuries

How much is losing a testicle on the job worth? The state government has updated its list of compensation payouts for workplace injuries and its delivered a hell of a low blow.

Compensation for the loss of a single testicle has been set at $35,130.

Putting the squeeze on Victoria’s movers, shakers and headline makers.

Inflation has been jacking up the cost of everything: bread, milk, coffee and, The Source has learned, severed testicles.

The state government’s workplace health and safety boffins have published their yearly list of compensation payouts for workplace injuries.

A thumb surrendered is to be valued between $91,450 and $105,500.

A foot lost is worth $228,650 while a leg is valued at $263,800.

As of July 1, the price for the loss of a single testicle will rise to $35,130.

If you lose the pair on the job, you’ll pocket $165,320.

Going through the list -- which used to be known as the “table of maims” -- we were shocked to learn that the government’s bean counters value the price of a single testicle the same as a whole pinky finger, or half of a big toe.

What a kick in the nuts.

There is no price discrepancy between the left and the right gonad, in case you were wondering.

In general, the bean-counters in the state government have been astoundingly stingy in recent months, but it turns out the payouts for severed body parts went up inline with the official rate of inflation: 7.99 per cent.

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