The cost of living is squeezing young Aussies, but parents don’t want them to come home, Australian Seniors finds

Aussie parents don’t want their adult kids moving back in with them but as the cost of living bites, many are facing this reality. So, should parents charge their kids rent? Have your say.

The cost-of-living crisis is forcing many young Australians to move back in with their parents, but new research reveals most mums and dads would rather their nests remain empty.

Australian Seniors last month released findings showing four in five Australian parents wouldn’t actively encourage their children to move home, despite the soaring cost of living crisis leaving many newly independent adults with seemingly no other choice.

1208 parents aged 50 were surveyed about Australia’s response to “boomerang children” – adult children that have returned home after living independently.

Only one in five parents said they would actively encourage their child to move back in if they had nowhere else to go, were struggling financially, or experiencing personal or relationship issues.

One in ten parents surveyed reported at least one adult child had “boomeranged” after living away from home in the past year – creeping upwards by 3.5 per cent since 2018.

The new findings provide a fresh perspective on Australia’s changing household dynamics, as more young people than ever opt to remain under their parents’ roof post-pandemic — many even into their 30s.

With median rent for a unit or apartment in Melbourne surging nearly seven per cent in the past 12 months to a huge $640, affording accommodation is becoming increasingly difficult for Gen Zs without the help of mum and dad.

In fact, the Australian Seniors report found one in three parents had given their children an early inheritance or financial contribution to support them in moving out. A further 38 per cent of parents said they would consider helping their children with a bond, rent or a home deposit.

Young Australians are struggling to remain afloat without the support of their parents amid the cost-of-living crisis. Picture: iStock

Should ‘boomerang’ kids get free rent?

Christina and Stephen Matthews officially became empty nesters at the start of 2023 and — like one in five parents surveyed — decided to downsize.

The pair, who have three adult children, made the move from their inner-Melbourne five-bedroom home to a three-bedder in Torquay.

Before the move, the pair had allowed their kids to “come and go” from their larger South Morang home to help them save and gave them a leg up through challenging personal circumstances.

Christina and Stephen Matthews opted for a sea change once they became empty nesters. Picture: Supplied

While living at home, the kids tended to their own rooms, did their own cooking and washing and paid board “the minute they started working”.

“In the end, they were all paying $100 a week for their room — reluctantly, mind you,” Ms Matthews said.

“It’s interesting how many kids go, why should I have to pay board?”

The Matthews are among the many Aussie families where the children needed to ‘boomerang’ back home. Picture: Supplied

Whether or not to charge children board is a divisive topic among Australian parents.

Two in five parents who had welcomed their children home did not ask them to contribute to the household budget, the study revealed, and one in five didn’t expect the children to help around the home.

One in two parents felt they had made sacrifices to accommodate their children’s return.

Meanwhile, parents whose children moved out reported bettered financial positions and a cleaner home.

Now they’ve opted to downsize for a sea change, Ms Matthews said it would be “very hard” to take anybody back in.

“You would, you’d have to if you have to, but it would be very short term,” Ms Matthews said.

“I know that sounds terrible, but I’d never let them come for free.

“They would need to move back out within three months, and it’s not because we don’t love them, but what happens if something happens to the next one? We can’t take them all in.”

Let us know in the comments how much you think is ‘fair’ to charge adult children living at home.

Why parents need limits on their generosity

Dr Elisabeth Shaw of Relationships Australia NSW says as “boomerang” behaviour grows, it’s important to discuss expectations in advance.

“There is psychologically this sense that there is still a base back at the family home and as if the parents are going to be fine just waiting,” she said.

“In fact, adult kids can be quite shocked and even hurt that parents eventually say we want you to come and get all of your stuff.”

And when children want to return, Dr Shaw said parents needed to be brave in outlining their expectations and asking these questions to ensure that if they opened their doors once again, they would be valued in the arrangement.

“This is not about being a good parent or a bad parent, it’s actually just being realistic,” Dr Shaw said.

“Sometimes kids can be really blind to their parents being flesh and blood people with their own interests. Don’t allow yourself to just be the parent that they last left behind. Talk about that.

“It’s OK to have limits around your helpfulness.”

One in five Aussie parents do not expect their adult children to help around the home, according to Australian Seniors.

Ms Matthews agreed negotiations were critical before a return home.

“You can’t welcome them back and expect it to be the happy little family it was. That’s something we as adults need to realise,” she said.

“It was a process. There were a few conversations for us to be on board.

“If we’re truly meant to love them, we’ve got to accept some things that perhaps don’t align with us.

“We need to respect our children’s adult decisions. I think it’s respect on both parts. It works both ways ... The last thing you want is a relationship breakdown at the end.”

Despite the majority of empty nesters reporting improved finances and a new-found sense of freedom, two in five parents surveyed, such as the Matthews, said they would allow their children to return home if it was necessary. A further two in five would consider it. However, the majority would still refuse to actively encourage the return.

Australian parents are being urged to consider the ramifications of their children returning home before agreeing to let them come home. Picture: Herald Sun

What to ask BEFORE your kids move out

Dr Shaw, who practices clinical and counselling psychology, said airing expectations of what “moving out” actually means can protect the family dynamic in the long run, and recommended asking:

• Is it just a short-term test of your ability to manage independently, or are we all hoping that this is the beginning of your new life?

• Will the child’s room remain set up or be repurposed?

• Under what circumstances would parents be open to the adult child returning home?

My adult kid wants to move back home. Should I say yes?

Before the big move back, Dr Shaw encouraged parents to remember to value themselves and “reintroduce themselves to their kids”.

“Pre-emptive conversations are absolutely critical,” Dr Shaw said.

“Get together and speculate how that could go, because when there’s been no harm done yet, you’ve got a chance to really talk about it.”

Asking the following questions could help eliminate “blind spots” and get everyone on the same page prior to the homecoming.

Time frames

• Is this move back short or long term?

• Is there a date the adult child needs to have moved out again by, or is this arrangement ongoing?

Relationships

• What does socialising in the house look like?

• How are partners considered in this arrangement? Children? Will the older generation be expected or willing to babysit?

The house itself

• How do we want to divide time and space in the house?

• How do we want to divide up the chores?

• If it is the parents home, do they have the right to trump the adult children’s opinions on household matters?

Finances

• How are we going to manage finances and household bills? Do the parents expect the returning child to pay board?

• If there’s no financial contribution, in what other way will the returning adult contribute to the household?

Who you each are as people

• How has your life changed since we last lived together?

• What new ways of life do you want to see protected in this arrangement?

Regular home health checks

It doesn’t end with one conversation.

Dr Shaw recommended “points of review” to monitor how the agreement was holding up.

• How are we going with the original agreements?

• What have we missed?

• Do we all think what was agreed upon is still reasonable?

“Parameters might change in time, but if they do, they have to be formally renegotiated,” Dr Shaw said.

“In the families that are really silent on this — and they do it out of love and goodwill — I often see the older generation actually feel quite resentful that their children they moved in, assuming they’d be doing their share of the housework. The younger generation say ‘I thought my parents were fine with this’,” Dr Shaw said.

“Hearing what everybody’s hoping for could be really useful.”