Psychologist Dr Michael Carr-Gregg lashes out against ‘crappy parenting’ in new book

ONE of Australia’s leading psychologists has issued a damning assessment of Australian parents: you are doing a crap job.

Dr Michael Carr Gregg speaks to Geelong educators

ONE of Australia’s leading psychologists has issued a damning assessment of Australian parents: you are doing a crap job.

Dr Michael Carr-Gregg’s new book, Strictly Parenting, includes a chapter titled “The Unfortunate Rise of Crap Parenting”. In it he details some of the “dysfunctional, over-involved parenting styles that have emerged in the past two decades”.

As Dr Carr-Gregg notes in the book, some people “may be offended by the term ‘crap’, arguing that parenting is hard enough without psychologists slagging them off for being incompetent”.

“But the truth is that they are crappy,” he said.

The problem, he told the Herald Sun, is a “vitamin ‘N’ deficiency in Australian parenting”.

“Learn to say no,” he said.

In the book he notes the rise of children with compliant parents who are totally indulged.

“Many of the parenting practices I have observed over the last decade fly in the face of a mountain of sound research,” he said.

MORE: Five things parents do that can hold children back

“We know what children need to help them grow into healthy and resilient adults … yet I’m seeing large numbers of Australian parents hesitant to set limits or boundaries,” he said.

He said sometimes children “need to feel badly — it’s how they learn to cope”.

“This doesn’t mean that we stand aside and tell them to get over it. We support them by acknowledging how they feel and letting them know that we’re there to help if they need us,” Dr Carr-Gregg said.

Dr Michael Carr-Gregg.

Andrew Fuller, psychologist and author of a new book called Tricky Teens, disagreed with Dr Carr-Gregg’s analysis. He said parents were “doing a pretty good job”.

“The relationship between kids and their families is very strong, and kids look up to their parents in positive ways,” he said.

“Parents are very concerned about the wellbeing of their kids, but most of their kids are doing well”.

Mr Fuller surveyed 16,000 young people as part of the Resilient Youth Australia project, and said the findings didn’t reflect Dr Carr-Gregg’s views.

“It’s popular to see young people on the verge of catastrophe, but young people are brighter and happier than ever,” he said.

“The idea of wanting success and wanting it now is not such a bad thing.

The Resilience Youth Australia latest report found 40 per cent of young people aged four to twelve have good or excellent resilience.

It found the areas of strength for young Australians are boundaries and expectations and a sense of connectedness to the adults in their lives including parents and teachers.

Parenting blogger Michaela Fox from notanotherslipperydip.com also objected to the use of the word “crap”.

“I think it’s an inappropriate word and unfair on parents,” she said.

“Parents need support, reassurance and access to evidence-based research. They don’t need telling off.”

Ms Fox, a Melbourne-based mother of three girls, said modern parenting has almost become professionalised.

“I think we need to encourage parents to go with their instincts more. There are a lot of ‘experts’ and sometimes the advice is confusing and contradictory,” she said.

Ms Fox said parenting today was “very hard”. “There seems to be more pressure upon us and I think there are unique challenges facing this generation of parents,” she said.

“There is information overload and a lot of conflicting advice. We also experience far more judgment and criticism than ever before. It comes from family and friends but even strangers in the park.”

“We are also dealing with greater demands, time pressures, childcare costs and often inflexible working arrangements. It’s not easy”, Ms Fox said.

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