Prisoner codes of conduct: The 10 commandments Victorian jailbirds should never break

There’s a unique set of unwritten rules for jailbirds, one of the main involving soap. As ‘Chopper’ Read once said, “non-tubbers” are on the nose. Here are other “rules”.

It pays to wash regularly and also “hold on” at night, rather than relieving one’s self in a shared cell.

The prison system is a separate part of society with a unique set of rules.

Those behind bars operate in a distinct world of self-regulation and, as would be expected, navigating it can be a complex task requiring cunning and experience.

But those who have spent a lot of time in the Big House say one of the most important avoidable elements of not upsetting jailhouse convention is surprisingly simple; washing yourself.

Those who don’t are known as chats and while most of us out here enjoy a good chat, the soap-dodgers are loathed behind the walls.

The advice from one experienced jailhouse figure is simple.

“Have good hygiene! Don’t be a chat!,” he says.

“A chat is like a dirty, unshowered, smelly prisoner.”

The chat can expect other inmates to get physical if the stench becomes too much.

“If you’re a chat, they’ll take you and put you in the shower,” another source said.

As far back as the 1980s, Mark “Chopper” Read observed that no one liked a “non-tubber”, the term of the era for a chat.

Mark ‘Chopper’ Read said nobody liked a “non-tubber” (unwashed prisoner).

Of course, there are other non-negotiable conditions for which the consequences can be more extreme.

Some of the incarcerated are there for the most horrific things but don’t think for a minute they will tolerate thieving.

Two key rules observed in real life were well demonstrated in the acclaimed television series Mr Inbetween.

One was not to refer to any other detainee as “champ”, an insulting and potentially life-threatening label that carries nasty sexual undertones.

The other, as explained by the show’s main character, hit man Ray Shoesmith, is that you do not empty your bowels in the cell toilet while your cellmate is present.

One former prisoner says there is another commandment relating to bathroom etiquette which dictates that you must not use the toilet in another prisoner’s cell when dropping in for a visit.

“Don’t use anyone else’s brasco. If you need a piss, go in your own. You could get yourself bashed pretty quick,” the ex-con said.

He also said that in a shared cell, the older more senior prisoner gets the bottom bunk.

The same bloke says asking why someone else is in jail for is a no-no and that it’s safer to wait for them to volunteer that information.

In prison, waiting your turn is an important basic courtesy, as well as a good way to stay in one piece.

Declaring someone a “dog” - jail-speak for an informer - is not the done thing unless you have some paperwork to back the claim.

Things can get expensive for vulnerable newcomers who may become subject to self-serving rent rules imposed by powerful inmates.

Bunk beds at Suva prison, where Australian drug smuggler John Nikolic is being held.

“They’ll say `you live in my unit. I’ll protect you but you’ll need to pay’,” a jail worker said.

It is said that in Victorian prisons cooking in the cell in the evening is also frowned upon.

The issue with that is the prisoner - after eating - may be unable to hold on all night and subsequently breach the cell defecation law.

Those in the know say the heavier crooks have a mortgage on the best times at the gym and others have to work around that.

It also pays to get clearance from the major players before attacking another inmate, particularly one who is connected.

The experienced advice that there is no point in a newcomer without allies arriving wearing nice new sneakers or with hi-fi equipment.

The valuables will be taken, by force if necessary, in no time.

There’s no point in a newcomer without allies arriving wearing nice new sneakers.

Along with the use of the word “dog”, there are other terms around which to exercise care.

If someone says they are going to “bronze-up”, head for the hills because they aren’t planning to work on their tan.

“Bronzing-up” is actually a form of prison protest in which inmates smear themselves with their own waste to reinforce their point.

Don’t refer to anyone as a “cat”. The feline label is used for particularly promiscuous inmates.

Ten prison commandments

WASH yourself.

PAY your debts

THOU shalt not steal

DON’T sit on the toilet defecating with your cellmate present

ADDRESS no one as “champ”

WAIT your turn

DON’T be excessively friendly with staff

DON’T talk out of school

DON’T ask to go to another yard.

DON’T ask other prisoners why they’re inside.