Kim Wells away while MPs muse on their pay rises

It’s all very well to have a shadow minister responsible for talking about MPs’ wages but not much help if his phone is ringing out because he is somewhere on the Murray, writes Backroom Baz.

Kim Wells has been out of reach on the river. Picture: Derrick den Hollander

WHEN state MPs got a generous pay rise last week, not everyone was happy.

The big money was skewed towards ministers and backbenchers thought they should have got more.

The remuneration tribunal apparently thought differently, handing about $6000 to backbenchers and $37,000 to ministers.

Coalition MPs looked to their man on these matters, who is shadow special minister of state Kim Wells.

The only problem was, the member for Rowville’s phone was ringing out.

You see, Wells had timed a little holiday for the week the remuneration tribunal’s decision lobbed, and was enjoying some R&R in a houseboat on the Murray.

Baz is sure the coincidence was accidental, rather than perfectly timed.

TOBY OR NOT TO BE, HERE’S A KEW

Baz’s favourite member for Kew, the Queen Elizabeth-loving Tim Smith, is pretty good at taking the mickey out of himself.

Tim Smith.

Toby Greene.

Who could forget when he described his healthy-living sabbatical in New Zealand as a “fat camp”. But apparently Smith’s not so happy at being compared to AFL footballer Toby Greene.

While Baz thinks the comparison is actually quite flattering, Coalition MPs have been ribbing Smith about the GWS star, who was rubbed out of Saturday night’s match against the Pies after making contact to the eye region (or was it the nose?) of Lachie Neale. Apparently Nationals MP Tim Bull — who knows a thing or two about taking the mickey out of himself — has mocked up a lookalike photo of Smith and Greene, alongside the caption: “who’s the biggest pest?”

For what it’s worth, Baz reckons Smith has got that one by a nose.

 

BALL SETS SCENE FOR A BUBBLE BRAWL

Canberra’s night of nights was an “on the record” function for the first time this year, but that didn’t stop Scott Morrison roasting the press gallery.

The PM used his Midwinter Ball speech to repeatedly play a clip of Network Ten political editor Peter van Onselen saying the Coalition had no chance of winning the federal election. PVO wasn’t the only one to get it wrong, of course, but it seems he didn’t enjoy the joke and instead broke Baz’s number one rule: never drink and tweet.

He fired off screenshots of messages from the PM’s office, saying they had bullied him by accusing Ten of having an “ideological bias” against Morrison and warning he wouldn’t get any access on the trip to meet Donald Trump.

Peter Van Onselen let rip on Twitter. Picture: John Appleyard

Capping off the post-11pm rant, PVO tweeted “That was Carswell” — fingering PMO media boss Andrew Carswell as the author of the texts. That tweet has since been deleted.

But there was no hangover the next morning as PVO boarded the PM’s plane to Washington, dubbing it a “hunk of junk” and questioning why Morrison didn’t greet the travelling press pack.

At least the Wi-Fi was working well enough for him to bash out a column for The Australian anointing Morrison as the “liar from the shire”.

It might be a Canberra bubble brawl, but if it doesn’t burst soon, that nickname could quickly become as memorable as “Mr Harbourside Mansion”.

 

EQUAL ACCESS

Press gallery reporters have always roamed freely around state Parliament — until the media was last year barred from a new $45 million office block.

But the pollies whingeing about privacy concerns proved no match for gallery president Richard Willingham, with the ABC journalist last week winning a 15-month campaign for access to the palatial taxpayer-funded building.

No word yet on whether Baz himself will be allowed in.

 

OVERHEARD BY BAZ

“I happened to stumble across the most astounding website with short videos featuring quite an extraordinary range of young — and indeed not so young — ladies in various states of undress engaged in various vigorous activities”

— Liberal Democrats MP Tim Quilty on his (un) parliamentary research

 

MORE FROM BACKROOM BAZ:

CANADIAN FIRE CHIEF JOINS FIREY FUN

A FAIRY STORY

GUESS WHO?

Which Richmond fan and Greens MP paraded his climate change placard as he lapped up the hospitality at the AFL’s preliminary final function on Friday?

 

AN APOLOGY

Baz reported in this week’s Sunday Herald Sun that Opposition transport infrastructure spokesman David Davis’s son worked at a donut shop which the Coalition used to highlight issues with disruption caused by the Metro Tunnel. Turns out Davis’s son doesn’t work there, and Baz apologises for the error.

GOT ANY POLITICAL SCUTTLEBUTT FOR BAZ?

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Twitter: @backroombaz