Jacko, Warwick Capper and the would-be pop stars of AFL
SOME footy stars dream of pop stardom. Most probably shouldn’t. Check out these highlights (and lowlights) of VFL/AFL stars who tried to top themusic charts.
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TOMORROW night’s do-or- die second semi-final between Geelong and Sydney is the only battle that matters to Victorian AFL fans right now.
In 1985, the big Swans v Cats battle was for the top of the music charts as outrageous full-forwards Mark “Jacko” Jackson and Warwick Capper became on-field and top 40 rivals.
But the bloke with the tightest shorts in footy and his in-der-bloody-vidual mate from Kardinia Park weren’t the only VFL/AFL stars to have a crack at a glittering pop music career.
Here is a selection of some of the better (and sadder) attempts footy heroes have made to trade the paddock for pop stardom.
MARK “JACKO” JACKSON
Footy wild man Jacko was at Geelong — his third club — when he released his first
single, I’m An Individual, in 1985.
Jackson wasn’t then only one who kept an open mind, the record buying public did too.
Jacko’s largely shouted ode to rugged individualism reached number 15 on the national charts and number three on the 3XY music chart in Melbourne. Yes, really.
The song and the clip were both an attempt at meat and potatoes rock ‘n’ roll.
Jackson, all blue singlet and flailing guns, snarled and yelled along through the video as a crowd of people who, well, also looked a bit “individual”, looked on.
The song was successful enough to consider a second single — Me Brain Hurts.
As I reflect on Jacko’s second bold cultural statement 32 years later, I can confirm that Jacko’s brain isn’t the only one that hurts and that his is not the only noggin now on the blink.
Jacko’s footy career ended in the WAFL in 1987 but he had a long stint as the face of Energizer batteries (his “Oi!” catchcry aired here and in the United States), a starring role in the US action series The Highwayman, two feature films, some heavyweight boxing, a public speaking tour with Chopper Read and his autobiography, Jacko: Dumb Like a Fox.
Jackson even had one more try at chart domination in 1991 — the unloved You Can Do This.
WARWICK “THE WIZ” CAPPER
The high-flying Capper had established himself with his screamers, scoring ability and vacuum-sealed shorts and, by 1985, was reportedly the highest-paid man in VFL football.
With the world seemingly at his feet, he had his crack at singing fame with his upbeat, synth-drenched single I Only Take What’s Mine.
This clip was a celebration of 1980s excess, featuring a huge mansion, a bevy of bikini-clad beauties with big hair and the blond-tipped Capper in training and at play.
Think a cheesy scene from Dynasty, with mullets.
Capper supplied his Lamborghini for the video but, curiously for a bloke that only took what was his, used Swans owner Geoffrey Edelsten’s helicopter in the clip.
Edelsten produced the record, so the chopper was easy to come by.
Jacko even plays a cameo — Warwick plays darts after wowing his lay-deez with his eight-ball pool skills in the parlour, spearing an image of Jacko pinned to his dartboard.
No love lost, clearly.
While he has a smorgasbord of ladies from which to choose, Capper is captivated by one who seems resistant to his physical and more esoteric charms.
It all works out in the end, though. His then-partner Joanne, while nobody’s fool, relents on her terms and she and Capper chopper off into the sunset, no doubt for a chaste milkshake at the local milk bar, as Capper’s ladies farewell them fondly.
Post-footy, Capper has remained on the fringes of the entertainment industry.
He turned his hand to a bunch of jobs between intermittent media appearances, including stripping.
There was an appearance in a nude photo shoot with Joanne and, later, the leaking of a sex tape in which he appeared.
He was booted from Celebrity Big Brother for exposing his penis to fellow contestant and former Home and Away starlet Kimberley Cooper during an argument.
Capper has guest starred in an episode of Neighbours in 1986, played AFL footballer Dwayne (with a D) Carey on a 2003 episode of Pizza, performed in a comedy tour, made product endorsements and advertisements and has made numerous TV and radio appearances.
No more songs, though.
PETER McKENNA
The champion Magpie full-forward was on top of the world as the 1970s dawned.
He was immensely popular — a bloke that could kick a bundle of goals and whose chiselled features made him quite photogenic.
When Hey Hey It’s Saturday started in 1971, McKenna was sidekick to Daryl Somers for the first eight episodes until the club insisted he choose between TV and football.
He chose the latter and gave Ossie Ostrich his big break.
He still made many ad hoc appearances on Hey Hey, Young Talent Time and elsewhere, and the same year recorded his first single, Things to Remember.
His next single was probably his most successful, a song written by Johnny Young called Smile.
It was written by Johnny Young, who wrote a bunch of hits including Russel Morris’ The Real Thing and I Thank You, a success for boxing champion Lionel Rose after he won the world bantamweight championship in 1968.
A clip for Smile is still available on Youtube, grabbed from a live Melbourne music program called Happening ’71.
The clip is from September 1971, with Collingwood and St Kilda among the teams in the final four.
Towards the end, you can hear host Jeff Phillips and an off-camera Ian “Molly” Meldrum — a mad Saints fan — spar with McKenna about the finals.
Collingwood lost its semi-final, and St Kilda was eventually defeated by Hawthorn in the ’71 VFL grand final.
McKenna had a win with Smile, telling Collingwood’s The Club a few years back that 10,203 copies were sold.
“My mother bought 10,000,’’ he joked.
A third single, It Takes Time, followed.
A teacher, McKenna went on to become a commentator with Channel Seven for many years as well as teaching at Marcellin College and now serves as a ministerial driver with the Parliament of Victoria.
Despite an ability to hold a tune, he never again turned his hand to music.
FOOTY FAVOURITES
It wasn’t an original idea, and many would argue that it wasn’t a good idea to assemble 12 top VFL players (one from each club) to record a favourite song.
The NSW Rugby League and Sydney brewery Tooth’s did it successfully, prompting the VFL to follow suit.
An Essendon youngster by the name of Tim Watson, perhaps in a nod to his country origins up Dimboola way, sung the Kenny Rogers classic Ruby (Don’t Take Your Love to Town).
The South Melbourne ruckman Barry Round, who legend has it drank 14 cans of beer from a slab before he overcame nerves and got behind the mic, took on Elton John’s Little Jeannie. Ohhhhh, Jeannieeeee!
Collingwood’s Ray Shaw favoured the old Irish standard Danny Boy.
Saint Trevor Barker and Laurie Serafini from Fitzroy each added a little reggae, singing Johnny Nash’s I Can See Clearly Now and Carole King’s Hard Rock Café respectively.
North Melbourne’s Wayne Schimmelbusch and Geelong’s Michael Turner flew the Aussie flag — Schimmelbusch covering Ray Brown and the Whispers’ ‘60s hit 20 Miles and Turner grabbing his maracas for a tilt at Peter Allen’s I Go to Rio.
The Boxtops’ The Letter got the disco treatment from Tiger David Cloke.
Hawk Mark Moncrieff looked to the top 40 charts and selected The Police’s Don’t Stand So Close to Me, lightweight Robbie Flower represented Melbourne by singing the Village People’s Macho Man and Footscray forward Kelvin Templeton asked the eternal musical question, Who’s Sorry Now?
The answer? Anyone that bought this album. Wisely, Templeton chose to perform a spoken word rendition of the song.
One of the worst musical atrocities on the album was Carlton captain Mark McClure’s anaemic rendition of John Lennon’s Imagine — recorded just months after the Beatle was gunned down by a crazed fan.
It’s a good thing that McClure redeemed himself by leading Carlton to the 1981 VFL premiership.
Many years later, Ray Shaw said the players were paid $342 for their part in the album.
“A dollar for each record sold,” he quipped.
RUSSELL ROBERTSON
Unlike anyone else featured in this story, one could argue that former Dee Russell Robertson had some musical chops.
He’s played in a couple of bands, including his own Russell Robertson Trio, and is handy with a guitar.
Robertson performed in a Footy Show talent quest on Nine and, partnered with Melbourne songstress Kate Ceberano, was runner-up to actor/comedian Julia Morris and singer David Hobson in season three of the Seven Network celebrity singing talent show It Takes Two in 2008.
Following It Takes Two, Robertson released his own album, Higher, in 2008 and performed in the ensemble cast of Barassi: The Stage Show.
WE LOVE FOOTBALL
In 1988, the only thing more troubling than the rise of rap music was this VFL-inspired, Pepsi-sponsored attempt to cash in on the abysmal rapping trend.
We Love Football is a questionable inclusion in this list, though, because while each club is represented by a player, it would seem most of the players — including Hawthorn’s John Platten, Swan Gerard Healy and Fitzroy’s Richard Osborne, big Justin Madden from Carlton and Saint Danny Frawley — had their voices re-dubbed.
Released in grand final week in 1988, this effort limped into the top 40 aided and abetted by footy fever before disappearing without trace.
HELLO, MELBOURNE!
Strictly speaking, this Channel Seven station identification promo was not recorded with the aim of chart-busting sales in mind, but it’s noteworthy because Wayne Schimmelbusch and Gerard Healy were allowed near a microphone again.
All the big stars of 1985 were there, including Carlton legend Wayne Johnston, Footscray full-forward Simon Beasley, the mercurial Gary Ablett Sr, Essendon ruckman Simon Madden and Hawthorn hard man Robert DiPierdomenico, all singing the praises of Melbourne one line at a time.
All of them were just awful.
Even commentators Sandy Roberts and Lou Richards got lines of their own before the full commentary team — no doubt coached by recording star Peter McKenna up the back — signed off with a rousing chorus of “Channel Seven’s with you!”.
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