How Jim Stynes’ family has found happiness

IN his final days Jim Stynes delivered an unexpected message to wife Sam — she had to find happiness again for their children’s sake. And, although the sadness lingers, she has.

Sam Ludbey-Stynes with her family. Picture: Wayne Ludbey

IN his final days, Jim Stynes delivered an unexpected message to wife Sam.

As he bravely fought the cancer that would soon claim his life, he told her she had to find happiness again for the sake of their children.

“One of the last conversations we had, I said to him ‘I’ll never move on, how will I cope?’,” Sam Ludbey said.

Jim Stynes with wife Sam and children Matisse and Tiernan at St Kilda beach.

“He said ‘you will, and you need to do it for you and you need to do it for the kids’.”

And although the sadness lingers, Sam has again found happiness. After years of devoting herself to children Matisse, 15, and Tiernan, 11, Sam spoke about falling in love and marrying businessman Geoff Porz last year.

The pair celebrated their first wedding anniversary last month but there were no over-the-top gestures.

“Geoff is a lot of fun but he’s a no-nonsense sort of guy,” she said. “He’s older than me and he’s done a lot in his life, and that’s why I think we work. We’re both at a phase in our life where we just want to have happy times, peace and calm. I used to be fiery and he’s been a calming influence and makes me not be the mad cat lady.

“Meeting Geoff and blending our two families, it just helped create a really lovely safe haven for me. Geoff’s been amazing with the two Stynes kids. His kids are older and it’s been really great getting to know them.”

Though Sam has new-found calmness and strength, the sadness of losing Melbourne football champ and Brownlow medallist Jim is always with her.

“I think when people face real adversity and pain in their life, it becomes part of you. It’s always there and it’s … heavy,” she said.

“Trisha Broadbridge Silvers (who lost husband Troy Broadbridge in the Boxing Day tsunami) said to me, ‘you learn to live with it … but live, Sam, you’ve got to really live’.

“Matisse and Tiernan have also been through a lot but they are not dark, they’re managing to live a beautiful life in honour of their father and for themselves.”

Jim Stynes and his son Tiernan during the 150th anniversary parade at the MCG.

Geoff and Sam met years earlier and were reacquainted when, like the proverbial white knight, he came to her rescue in a time of need.

“It was a horrendous time, not only was I dealing with the death of Jim, and the kids and the emotional state, but also business partners fighting, and the business going down the toilet,” she explains. “I was drowning and desperate to protect Jim’s legacy. Geoff put me on to some really good people and so everything sort of worked out well, as opposed to being a huge disaster.”

Despite being married for just over a year Sam can still find herself feeling the anxiety that many sole parents live with; that some terrible event will tear them away from their children.

“I do live a little bit with the fear of the unknown of what could happen tomorrow or next week,” Sam said. “I eternally think I have cancer, I have a headache and I’ll think I’ve got brain cancer and the kids are going to lose me.

“Geoff gave me a birthday present for me and all the kids to go hot-air ballooning with a champagne breakfast and I said ‘there is no way we are doing that’.”

Jim Stynes’ legend looms large in Victoria, his death devastated not only those who knew and loved him personally but also the wider community, who admired his humanity as well as his football prowess.

That sense of goodwill has extended to Sam who we got to know as Jim’s dignified partner alongside him as he battled the cancer that took his life in 2012.

Though Sam appreciated the good intentions of those concerned for her, the constant attention and sorrowful stares from her local community became a burden.

Jim Stynes playing for Melbourne.

“I moved from where I lived in St Kilda with Jim for 13 years and I had to move suburbs because as lovely as everyone was, I couldn’t handle the sad eyes back at me when I was going to pick up my post or the supermarket,” she said.

“I just wanted to go and rebuild a new life for myself, so I moved suburbs. That’s just how I’ve handled it.”

Sam is determined to honour Jim’s memory and has been quietly working on setting up a foundation bearing his name that will focus on his passions; young people and sport.

There was a temptation to do something earlier but she didn’t want the foundation to be a crutch, a means of distracting her from the grief of losing Jim.

“The foundation is to continue the work that Jim would have otherwise done if he was here,” Sam said.

Sam opened what will be Jumbo Early Education’s flagship centre at South Wharf late last year and hopes to open more in the coming months.

When she’s not busy with charity and business interest, Sam is watching daughter Matisse’s musical performances and son Tiernan’s sporting endeavours.

Can Melbourne expect a father-son pick in a few years?

“There’s not one day that Tiernan doesn’t have sport,” Sam said. “Sometimes I think it’s like a mini Jim, the commitment to it and the drive. So it wouldn’t surprise me if he makes it at something.”

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