Former AFL player Jake Edwards recounts spiral into drug abuse, depression

ALL Jake Edwards wanted was to make his famous footballing family proud. But a failed AFL career brought on drug abuse, depression and a suicide bid. Then Dad rang.

ALL Jake Edwards ever wanted to do was make his famous footballing family proud.

A member of one of just three families in VFL-AFL history to include four generations of footballers, he arrived at Carlton as the best and brightest.

Grandad Arthur played in Footscray’s legendary 1954 flag, Dad was classy 100-game forward Alan “Butch” Edwards, and cousin Shane O’Bree was a 246-game star at Collingwood.

Within months of leaving Carlton after four unfulfilled years and just five games, he had just 45c to his name.

Soon his severe battle with ­depression would morph into a four-year ­cocaine addiction as he battled self-loathing and shame.

By 2014, he tried to take his own life.

Jake Edwards gets tackled by Richmond’s Jake King.

He had become the AFL’s ultimate cautionary tale.

“I had everything — a great family, financially very well off, a great group of friends, but it just took a hold of me and I couldn’t find a way out,’’ Edwards told the Sunday Herald Sun this week.

“I found myself in a dark, dark place, a dark hole, and the only way I thought I could get out was through suicide.

“Obviously it wasn’t successful. Then my old man called me five minutes later and I took the call that saved my life.”

Former Carlton footballer Jake Edwards. Picture: Kylie Else

The turning point was hearing his psychologist tell his mother that he would be coming home to the farm “to settle himself” — but she needed to lock up the guns.

“She said to Mum, ‘Jake is going to come home to the farm for a bit to settle himself. But can you make sure the guns are locked up on the property so he doesn’t shoot himself?’,” Jake said.

“For me that was the little moment where I just said, ‘Jake, what the hell are you doing?’ ”

Eighteen months on, the 28-year-old is ready to lift the lid on his descent into hell and his remarkable recovery.

Now a member of the Geelong VFL side under O’Bree, he is a man on a mission.

A return to AFL football is remote, but his program Outside the Locker Room seeks to help kids from following his disastrous path.

The rapidly expanding program is helping 3000 players from 40 clubs access welfare for issues relating to mental health, drugs and depression.

Edwards’ story is obviously personal. But he says the themes of his downfall — and the temptations available — are reflected for every young AFL player.

The crushing pressure to perform, injury setbacks, the sense of abandonment post-career and the chase to replace football’s euphoric highs with drug use.

Edwards arrived at Carlton as the No. 33 pick of the 2005 draft, determined to honour his lineage.

Jake Edwards in 2009.

By 19, as he toiled away in the reserves, he had been diagnosed with depression.

“I had signed my second contract and it had a base of $90,000 with the potential to earn $180,000. As a 19-year-old, you are on top of the world,” he recalls.

“Then I became arrogant and an ego-driven person — and then the depression hit.

“I didn’t want to be around people, getting out of bed was a struggle, and I felt like I was pretending to be a footballer rather than actually wanting to be there.

“By the time I realised my football career was coming to an end, I felt like I had a black line through my name.”

Dropped for a game against Geelong, he told coach Brett Ratten where to go and was delisted at the end of 2009.

A pre-season full of promises at the Western Bulldogs ­instead ended in crushing ­disappointment, overlooked in the national and rookie drafts.

“They promised me the world and gave me an atlas,’’ Edwards says.

“Ever since that rookie draft until today, I still haven’t heard from them. That broke me. Even though I signed that contract for all that money at 19, a year later I had 45c in my account.

“I floated in and out of things, lost interest in becoming a footballer.

“I slept in my car for two weeks. I could have gone to my family but my pride got in the way. I couldn’t go back to them as a failure again.”

Jake Edwards is now playing with Geelong's VFL side. Picture: Kylie Else

On and off medication, still in denial about his depression, he played at country club Darley with his brothers and then with Port Melbourne in 2011.

“The first time I ever tried a drug was in 2011 after our premiership win,’’ says ­Edwards. “It was crossing the road near the Melbourne Aquarium at 3am and it was an innocent thing I never thought would escalate.

“I began to go out every weekend and couldn’t go out without it. Things escalated with my depression and I would drink alcohol to feel better about myself.

“Next thing Saturday would turn into Sunday morning, sometimes Monday, and I would be in bed with depression for three or four days.

“And the only way to get over that was do drugs and drink again.”

Jake Edwards. Picture: Kylie Else

How much money did he burn though?

“It would be well in the six figures for sure. I have done ecstasy, speed, but 90 per cent of the time it was cocaine.”

By late 2014 he slumped lower than ever.

“I felt like I was a burden to my family. They were always contacting me trying to support me, my business was failing and I genuinely felt at the time it (taking my life) was the right thing to do, everyone else would be happy,” he said.

“I was in my bathroom and I felt only numbness. I just broke down and started crying. Dad knew straight away what went on when I took his call, and I basically said, ‘You have to get me, come fast’.

“They called my business partner who came around and I don’t remember much but I was just walking up and down the street.

“When she pulled up and I hugged for 10 minutes and just didn’t let go.”

Remarkably, rock bottom was also the catalyst for a breakthrough in his relationship with his dad.

“Dad won’t mind me saying this but growing up he was very hard but fair. We never got on, especially in my later teens. I felt that nothing was ever good enough,” Jake said.

“And it wasn’t until I had gone through this episode that I learnt Dad had struggled with depression.

“Having learnt his story, we are so tight now. I instantly had someone in my life who understands what I was going through. Dad is great now. He couldn’t be any prouder of me.”

Jake Edwards with his family. Picture: Supplied

Jake needed to find rock bottom to bounce back up, but he is determined to ensure others do not sink so low.

“Ever since I came out in the last 12 months I could name five ex-players who have contacted me directly and said, ‘I know exactly what you are talking about’,’’ says Edwards.

“The AFLPA have got stats that show that in the four to six years after leaving the game, (you feel like) it’s like a death in the family.

“On the back of my ­attempt I spent time in rehab with my psychiatrist and he taught me techniques and coping mechanisms.

“I feel like today I am in the best place I have ever been in.

“Am I free of depression? No. But I stay in control of my emotions and feelings. I want to represent the idea that there is a better outcome and you can find a way forward.”

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