Fifty things you’ll definitely see at Melbourne’s racing carnival
As trainers and jockeys work to make the Spring Racing Carnival a spectacle, the side game of drunken arrests, sunburn, plastic glassware and embarrassing taxi rides plays out. Here are 50 things you’re bound to see at the races.
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1. A bin full of shoes.
2. A bin full of a drunk person.
3. An arrest.
5. Vomit.
6. A pile of rubbish which you realise is a person when it breathes.
7. Oakley sunnies paired with white shoes and a white belt.
8. Spiked hair and a grey suit.
9. The same Forever New jumpsuit a million times.
10. Sunburn.
11. A freak weather event that catches organisers and drunks totally off guard.
12. Aviators with a sports jacket.
13. A fascinator that stabs someone in the face.
15. A hat that gets caught by the wind and glides gracefully to blue freedom.
16. A discarded bottle of Yellow.
17. A piggy back ride gone awry.
18. A scratching.
19. A barrier mishap.
20. Mystery bruises.
21. Singing on the train.
22. An ugly incident involving a rose bush.
24. Binoculars.
25. A boat full of wasted middle managers.
26. An old rich bloke with a lapel pin shaped like the cup.
27. Underarm sweat marks.
28. Peter Moody.
29. Fake tan lines.
30. A runaway umbrella.
31. Rubbish. A great deal of rubbish.
33. A packet of Sakata crackers tossed as an afterthought into an picnic basket full of alcohol.
34. A designated driver surveying the scene at 4pm as if a hole had opened to hell itself.
35. Betting apps.
36. A bookie in a fedora.
37. Uni student waitstaff who won’t be back next year.
38. Leopard skin.
39. Geoffrey Edelsten.
40. Crass dress-ups.
41. A broken camping chair.
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43. Plastic glassware.
44. A punter who yells when they win and remains silent when they lose.
45. Uber surge pricing.
46. Indecent exposure.
47. Overworked St John Ambulance volunteers.
48. A horse mask.
49. Someone failing at a limbo dance.
50. A horse.
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