Family of serially-abused mum fight for justice after her death by suicide

The family of a serially abused Kilmore mum who took her own life after her children were taken from her in the night by her ex-partner has slammed police for closing the criminal probe into her death.

Mother-of-two Remy Hobba, 28, died by suicide in February after years of domestic abuse by former partners. Picture: Supplied

The family of a young serially abused mum who ended her life after her children were taken from her in the night by her ex-partner has slammed police for closing the criminal investigation into her death.

Remy Hobba, 29, took her own life in her Kilmore home in February after years of disturbing violence by ex-partners, including one who choked her before coming at her with a knife, threatening “I’m going to strip you naked in the bath and cut you up into pieces”.

Lorraine Hobba said her daughter’s suicide was “murder by proxy” by the men who broke her down over many years and that police ought to hold to account her ex-partner who allegedly breached a court order by taking her children immediately before she killed herself.

Lorraine and Greg Hobba’s daughter Remy died by suicide earlier this year after years of domestic abuse and the removal of her children. Picture: Mark Stewart

“My daughter is dead and the police don’t care,” Ms Hobba said.

“(Her perpetrators) strangled the life from her. If she wasn’t being beaten, she was being abused and no one can live like that.

“I shouldn’t have to be fighting for justice for my daughter. But our system failed her like it has for so many other daughters. It needs to stop. It’s murder by proxy.”

Her plea comes amid growing pressure on state and federal authorities to formally recognise and do more to prevent domestic violence driven suicides, amid revelations in last week’s Sunday Herald Sun such abuse is believed to have driven hundreds of Australian women to take their lives this year alone – at least three times more than the national female homicide rate.

Chelsea Tobin, CEO of crisis service Safe Steps, said suicidality of women seeking urgent help to escape violence was escalating, with up to 40 per cent of women disclosing plans or attempts at suicide to crisis responders at peak times this year.

“Clients have told us that the fear of being killed by the perpetrator is so great that killing themselves feels like a better option in the face of such terror,” Ms Tobin said.

Mother of two Remy Hobba, 28, died by suicide in February after years of domestic abuse by ex-partners. Picture: Supplied

The Coroners Court of Victoria has begun reforming its suicide register to recognise domestic violence related suicides dating back to 2016, it can be revealed.

It’s anticipated the project will take two years to complete and will inform important prevention efforts.

Text messages seen by the Sunday Herald Sun lay bare the vile abuse Ms Hobba experienced prior to her death.

Her ex-partner routinely referred to her as a “c**t”, “dog” and “whore” and in one exchange when Ms Hobba wrote: “Leave me alone. I’m sending all this to my family violence worker” he simply replied: “I don’t care”.

“You’ve been fkn (sic) told push me see what happens,” he wrote in another text.

According to Ms Hobba’s mother, his toxic behaviour did far worse damage to her daughter than the physical brutality she experienced at the hands of another former partner, who is serving a five-year prison term for his perpetration of domestic violence.

Abusive text messages sent by the ex-partner of Remy Hobba Picture: Supplied

Court records show that man – Benjamin Soan – committed numerous acts of violence against her in 2020-21 including pistol-whipping and choking her and beating her so badly she was hospitalised with vaginal bleeding while 23 weeks pregnant.

“He beat her senseless. She always said she’d rather be bashed by Ben than cop the mental abuse (from her other ex-partner),” her mother said.

“She was demoralised. How can someone have self value if every day they’re told they’re a dog?

“If this happened in the workplace there would be public outcry yet women are killing themselves due to abuse time and time again and nothing is said or done.

“The correlation between domestic violence and suicide needs to be recognised and perpetrators held accountable.”

Remy’s parents are fighting for justice for their daughter. Picture: Mark Stewart

The day of her suicide, Ms Hobba had bought the week’s groceries, discussed plans for her upcoming 30th birthday and arranged to meet a friend the following day.

According to her mum, Ms Hobba’s children were taken from her about 8.30pm and by the time she arrived at her home at 9.15pm to check on her welfare – her daughter was already gone.

“She was beautiful, vivacious and loved everyone,” her mum said.

Ms Hobba shared the depth of her love for her children in a social media post.

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It has no law, it has no pity. Messing with a mother who has nothing but her children is signing a death wish,” she wrote.

Victoria Police declined to comment as Ms Hobba’s death is before the Coroners Court.