Family, friends heartbroken by VCE student’s death
A grieving father is speaking out about the shock suicide of his teen daughter Athenie on the eve of Year 12 exams in the hope it will help other parents and encourage people who are struggling to seek help.
Victoria
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Peter Kalos keeps rehashing his last conversation with daughter Athenie over and over again in his head.
Like many Victorians, the Year 12 student was embracing the easing of lockdown restrictions.
She had finished up at Melbourne Girls’ College on October 29. That Friday night she went to dinner with her best friend.
Last Saturday she went out to dinner with two friends to celebrate the end of school.
She was home by 9.30pm and settled down to watch a movie with her younger brother George.
“I saw her about 10pm, said good night and asked her to put George to bed. We talked about going out the next day to celebrate her graduation,” Mr Kalos said.
The next morning Athenie, who turned 18 in July, was dead.
The family has been blindsided by the suicide of the vibrant, confident and much loved young woman on November 1.
“We assume it was the pressure of the exams coming up. That is our best guess because we can’t find anything else,” Mr Kalos said.
“We think the isolation of COVID-19 and the exams coming up may have been a factor. We are looking for a smoking gun. Anything else we would gladly take … but there is nothing. No history or talk of depression.”
Mr Kalos said his daughter had last week’s Swot Vac planned with study and catching up with friends.
Living in Oakleigh, Athenie had been outside the 5km travel restriction limit to meet with many of her friends but was in constant phone contact with them.
She had lost her part-time job at the start of the lockdown but had been asked to come back as the business rebooted.
“She was planning to go back but wanted the weekend to catch up with friends,” Mr Kalos said.
When COVID hit he was forced to close his Melbourne Actor’s Lab business at the Alex Theatre in St Kilda. He was eligible for JobKeeper. Money has been tighter but the lockdown had brought them together as a family.
“COVID happened. I closed my business then my dad passed away from cancer,” Mr Kalos said.
“It bonded us. We had movie nights where the little guy (George) would pick a classic movie such as the Wizard of Oz.
“It became our routine every Friday night and we would cook Saturdays and keep busy doing jigsaws.”
He said one night Athenie ordered $30 of doughnuts via Uber Eats and when he suggested that was indulgent she told him that they weren’t going out and wasting money so deserved the treat.
Mr Kalos said they had a playful dad and daughter relationship.
“She was a stunning, confident girl. As a man I admired her confidence when she walked into a room. As a father, I used to tell her to cover up,” he said.
He said when his wife Yolley designated him as the bad cop to tell Athenie to clean her room he would instead joke with his daughter.
“I would pretend I was telling Athenie off and ask her how I did out of 10,” he said.
In the meantime, Mr Kalos, Yolley and Athenie’s older brother Nick and George, 8, are trying to make sense of it all.
He said Athenie was an average student. She was keen on event planning at RMIT and had tentative plans to return to Los Angeles at some stage where she was born and her brother Nick works.
“She was such a confident and dependable girl. When she was rowing she would get herself up and catch public transport from Oakleigh to school for rowing training,” he said.
“I was working late and she didn’t want me getting out of bed at 5am.”
She had loved school rowing and had planned to join a rowing club.
The arts community is wrapping its arms around the family and has launched a Go Fund Me page to help pay for the funeral and other expenses.
“They have been angels. At the beginning we did not want the money,” Mr Kalos said.
“But we decided to accept the goodwill. We will bury Athenie with her grandfather at Springvale. We will erect a tombstone.
“The money will take care of her little brother. He will need help.”
Mr Kalos said since Athenie’s death some of her friends had come to visit.
“They lie on her bed. We talk, they share videos,” he said.
The family has run out of vases and cups for flowers.
“It sounds stupid but all these little messages on social media have really helped,” Mr Kalos said.
“The nights are brutal and we wonder why.”
Mr Kalos said he was speaking about Athenie in the hope it might help someone else.
“We can suffer in silence or we can go out and get the word out so someone else doesn’t have to go through this,” he said.
“This is what is looks like and it is not good.
“We look back and we don’t think there is anything we could have done differently. But maybe if people read about us they might talk and know that it is OK to ask for help.”
To donate to In Loving Memory of Athenie Kalos Go Fund Me
If you or someone you know needs help:
See a doctor, organise a mental health plan for visits to specialists.
Access beyondblue.org.au online or call 1300 22 46 36 anytime.
Lifeline on 13 11 14; headspace.org.au; Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800; supportaftersuicide.org.au
If you are concerned take them to a hospital emergency department.
If you fear they will hurt themselves call police triple-0 immediately.