Family, footy and the scariest moment of his life: Trent Cotchin tells all

Trent Cotchin on the quirks of footy, his relationship with Dusty and how the Covid hub nearly broke him and his family.

A relaxed Trent Cotchin at Byron Bay. Picture: Danielle Smith

Retired Richmond great Trent Cotchin has revealed he never felt as if he fitted the expected mould of an AFL footballer, but when he learnt to embrace his “weird” – as he calls it – he was able to unlock the secret to the ultimate footy success.

He did it with the help of his wife Brooke, his close friend Dustin Martin and leadership coach Ben Crowe, turning two of the most challenging years of his life into a rare footy CV.

As the Tigers’ triple premiership captain starts his next journey post football, he hopes the lessons learnt through those difficult moments can provide people from all walks of life with a road map to help navigate their own lives.

“I never felt like I didn’t fit in, but I didn’t feel normal,” Cotchin told the Saturday Herald Sun as he prepared to launch his autobiography, From The Heart.

“I loved being in a club environment, I loved the game and I thrived on the competition.

“But I think the thing that held me back in the earlier stages of my career was that I was worried that if I didn’t fit the mould, then maybe I wasn’t going to be successful.

“The lesson in it for me was that once I learnt to embrace my ‘weird’ and acknowledged that I wasn’t cut from the same cloth, I started to celebrate that, and came to understand that not everyone is cut from the same cloth.

“I almost thrive on being a little bit different now, but I know I can still get the best out of people.”

Trent Cotchin leaving the field for one last time. Picture: Daniel Pockett

The first crucible moment for Cotchin – who retired this year alongside Jack Riewoldt after 306 games – came after a frustrating 2016 season which pushed him to breaking point, leaving him feeling “as low as I’ve ever felt as a human”.

Cotchin admitted for the first time in the book that he approached Richmond list manager Blair Hartley in late 2016 offering to put himself on the trade table if the club thought it could benefit from a new path forward.

Thankfully, Hartley and the Tigers immediately dismissed his trade offer.

Soon after, Cotchin formed a bond with Crowe, which he says now “literally saved my life”.

“Crowey also says that he didn’t ‘save’ my life, he just opened my eyes up to it,” Cotchin said.

Within 12 months of beginning his journey of self-discovery and focusing on his core values – love, authenticity and curiosity – Cotchin would become one of the best leaders in the competition, as Richmond won the first of three flags in four seasons.

“One of the biggest parts of that leadership lesson for me, and this is what Brooke taught me, was that you have to lead with empathy,” Cotchin said.

“It became one of my greatest strengths. Empathy doesn’t mean you are not strong in regard to what your expectations are, or what you expect of a Richmond man, or what we had decided had to happen as part of the leadership group.

“But it means that if you lead with empathy, it comes from a place of appreciation on both sides and formulates a deeper connection.

“No matter who you are, or what you are doing, the power of knowing yourself, going on a journey of discovery means you can live your life with more clarity. That’s the lesson I hope people will take away from my book.”

The odd couple. Picture: Michael Klein

The evolution of Cotchin’s relationship with Martin also played a massive part in his own development, which is something he never thought would be the case given how different they are, and their contrasting backgrounds and upbringing.

“Our perception of each other is probably the lesson in itself, especially in the initial stages, as opposed to what it is like now,” he said of Martin.

“(In time) we realised our individual weaknesses were each other’s strengths. Dusty was unfiltered and real, even if he had imperfections and lacked structure in his life. I was the opposite, trying unsuccessfully to be perfect and bogged down in structure.

“I wanted to help him. In doing so, I came to understand that he could help me too.

“Almost unwittingly, he has shown me that all footballers don’t have to be the same, that individuality is character building not a character flaw, and that everyone’s story needs to be told for a proper understanding.”

Trent Cotchin with his wife Brooke at Byron Bay. Picture: Danielle Smith

The second crucible moment came inside the Tigers’ 2020 Covid hub on the Gold Coast after Brooke’s visit to a day spa ended in her unwittingly breaking protocols, with the media storm that followed pushing the Cotchins to the brink of returning home to Melbourne.

Brooke was so distraught one night that she went out for a drive – and Trent feared she would never come back.

“2020 was my most challenging period as a husband and a partner,” he said.

“Brooke was torn, she didn’t want me to leave the (Richmond) boys, but she also knew that our family wellbeing was the absolute priority.

“(When she went out driving) she wouldn’t answer, I didn’t know where she was. I couldn’t track her down. I honestly wasn’t sure if she was coming back to us.

“It was the scariest moment of my life. I genuinely thought she might try to harm herself.

“I have never been more relieved in my life when Brooke finally came back.”

By the end of that 2020 season, Richmond had won a third premiership in four seasons and Cotchin etched his name further into footy folklore.

Vintage Trent Cotchin at the MCG. Picture: Michael Klein

He was as tough as they came. Picture: Michael Klein

Family remains the guiding point of Cotchin’s life, with his wife Brooke and three children Harper, Mackenzie and Parker, a part of every decision he makes.

He is content with his decision this year to retire from the game, but is still working out what the future looks like for him.

“I am happy, but it’s a weird place to be,” the 33-year-old said of retirement after spending half of life in the AFL system.

“I need to find motivation in a different way now and I am working through that. There are days when I feel a tiny bit lost and there are other days when I am super excited.

“What has helped me is having clarity about why I am here and how I want to live my life.

“2024 scares the s— out of me, I don’t know what it is going to look like. But it helps when you have a guiding light of trying to help others and helping them to realise their potential.”

From the Heart by Trent Cotchin (HarperCollins $49.99)

Pre-order your copy of the book here and go into the running to win a prize pack containing a Richmond hoodie, cap and scarf with a signed book.