DV victim says she’ll be forever haunted by Andrew Lovett

A former cop caught in an abusive relationship with ex-AFL player Andrew Lovett has described him as “a vampire feeding off my energy to survive”.

Melanie Rowe has revealed the shocking violence she suffering during a relationship with former AFL player Andrew Lovett

A former police officer has revealed her “nightmare” relationship with former AFL player Andrew Lovett as he admitted a series of shocking assaults on her.

Speaking for the first time about being a victim of domestic violence, Melanie Rowe bravely told how “the rage in his eyes will haunt me forever”.

The pair had met on Tinder in 2019 and she quickly fell “head over heels” for him, describing “butterflies” in her stomach and “the kind of love that’s in romance novels or movies”.

But Ms Rowe said that quickly turned into toxicity and coercive control.

“I never knew that one swipe would change my life forever,” she said.

“It would take me to my darkest time.

“It didn’t take long for the fairytale to turn into a horror story.

“This wasn’t a movie though. This was real life. I was living a nightmare.

“He was my prince charming who I ended up needing rescuing from.

“He broke me in every single way.”

Melanie Rowe has revealed her "nightmare" relationship with former AFL player Andrew Lovett

Ms Rowe, who worked in a unit protecting victims of sexual abuse, said she could not believe she had found herself a victim at the hands of someone she loved.

“It showed me that family violence does not discriminate,” she said.

“I was stuck in the cycle and couldn’t get out.

“I don’t even recognise the person I was with Andrew.

“I felt trapped and alone with no-one to turn to. I was embarrassed.

“I was helping people in these exact situations.”

She bravely read out her victim impact statement in Dandenong Magistrates Court on Thursday after Lovett pleaded guilty to 24 offences, including assault and recklessly causing injury.

The Herald Sun exclusively revealed the shocking details of his 22-month domestic violence campaign against his girlfriend following his arrest in December.

In a series of attacks between February last year and his arrest on December 9, he had choked, punched, kicked, spat on and even poured a beer over his 36-year-old victim.

Other times he threatened to slash her tyres, and claimed he’d have bikies run through her property.

Andrew Lovett during his AFL days.

Ms Rowe told the court there were times when she required medical attention, but knew it would raise questions, so she went without.

She would cover up her bruises with makeup and tell friends, family and colleagues her injuries were from falls or other incidents.

But she said she has broken from the cycle and is glad she can now share her story.

“I’m so grateful that I am alive,” she said.

Lovett’s lawyer David Grace told the court that his client was “ashamed” and “humiliated” about what he did.

“He is absolutely remorseful for what he has done to her,” Mr Grace said.

Lovett’s professional footy career came to end in 2010 when the Saints sacked him after he was charged over the rape of a woman at the home of teammate Jason Gram in 2009.

In 2011, the 2005 Anzac Day medallist was acquitted of two counts of rape following a County Court trial.

He had only just been traded to St Kilda at the end of the 2009 season after playing 88 games for Essendon between 2005 and 2009.

The case returns before magistrate Jason Ong on March 17.

VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT FROM MELANIE ROWE

I never knew one swipe would change my life forever. It would take me to my darkest times. I instantly fell head over heels for Andrew, butterflies in the stomach, the kind of love that’s in romance novels or movies.

Looking back, he mirrored everything that I wanted, so I fell in love with potential, but I was nothing more than a source of supply providing him money, food, clothing and shelter.

It didn’t take long for the fairytale to turn into a horror story, this wasn’t a movie though, this was real life, I was living a nightmare.

He was my Prince Charming, who I ended up needing rescuing from. He broke me in every single way when he took off his mask and revealed his true self.

I was sinking down and when I came up, I got so lost in loving him, but he was a figment of my imagination. He promised me the world and delivered me nothing, nothing but torture and heartache. I realised he had nothing to offer me but broken dreams, whilst it was everything I had, he wanted.

I lost the strong independent woman that I was and became submissive to his controlling ways. A reflection of a shell staring back at me, I no longer knew who I was.

He took everything away from me and destroyed my life and my soul. He was like a vampire feeding off all my energy for him to survive, whilst I was barely surviving.

Those butterflies soon turned into knots in my stomach filled with anxiety.

Upon reflection I do not even recognise the person I was when I was with Andrew.

The time of my life haunts me, living in constant fear and heightened state, scared if I did or said the wrong thing and what may come of it.

I felt trapped and alone, with no one to turn to. I was embarrassed, how could this be happening to me with the position I was in, I was helping people in these exact situations. With such judgment and stigma attached, I didn’t know where to go so I continued to hide the bruises, my pain and suffering.

It showed me that family violence does not discriminate but I was stuck in the cycle and I could not get out. Every time I tried, he would pull be back down, I had no strength left and felt completely isolated from those I loved.

I stopped living during his period of time, it is the saddest time of my life, I cried so many tears and had many sleepless nights. I couldn’t find a way to escape the terror, there was no way out. I hit rock bottom it was a far cry from the peaceful life I was living before it got turned upside down.

I was continually belittled made to feel worthless, and felt that I couldn’t do anything right. I lost all my self confidence as he tore me down daily. Whilst they are only words, they hurt more than the physical bruises and marks that go away. These are etched into my memory.

The emotional trauma far outlives any physical injury. Throughout the relationship, I always felt alone, but none more than when I was healing from my injuries. As much as I could I avoided social interactions but when it became more of a regular occurrence I ran out of excuses. I was tired of hiding and living a lie.

As the days went on, I felt more and more depleted. I was living in hell, but why would I stop there. I had to keep going. I gradually found my voice, but the more I spoke up the more I suffered in silence. I learned to never ask him for anything because the tantrum or drama that resonated from it was not worth it. The more I did the more he expected from me, it was relentless and I became burnt out. I gave him everything and also gave into everything. It led to a state of confusion and begging for his forgiveness when I wasn’t the one to blame. The toxicity and coercive control led me down a path of self-sabotage in an attempt to mask the pain and suffering that I endured.

I no longer felt safe in my own home, at times I had to flee, resorting to sleeping my car, parks, driveways and staying at friends and family homes. I now feel like a prisoner in my own home as everywhere I look brings traumatic memories, but in time these will fade and be replaced by happier days.

Even when it was over, it was never truly over, he was always trying to claw his way back into my life. Trying to move forward became an impossible task as his unpredictable behaviour contributed to sleepless nights. The rage in his eyes will haunt me forever.

I wasn’t sure if I had any more strength to keep fighting it felt like an endless uphill battle. I wouldn’t wish this upon another soul. It was unbearable, it has truly impacted my life in every single way.

Whilst I am aware this is a Victim Impact Statement, being a victim does not sit well with me. I was determined not to play the victim card. I focused intently on my healing journey.

Now I am just exhausted, relieved at the same time. It’s hard to even find the words or truly explain how I am feeling or the impact this has had on me. I am so grateful that I am alive this cycle of family violence had to end because either way I was going to end up dead, whether from his hands or my own. No one should ever have to live in their own home the way I did, with terror and keeping the peace because it was easier at times. Even though he didn’t make it easy for me to come forward, I was left with no option, this was a matter of life or death. My life is never going to be the same. It is a continual battle that I have to fight. I am fearful of what is to come when he gets his freedom.

I can no longer focus on the hurt as I will continue to suffer, I have to focus on the lesson. The abuse didn’t make me strong, I overcame it because I was already strong. There is a future version of me who is proud I was strong enough to tell my story which has enabled me to take back my power.