Deadline: Sunbury burglar all arse and no class

Anyone who thinks a life in crime is a glamorous one has clearly never met the two dropkicks who went on a recent robbery spree through Sunbury.

Sunbury is a long way from Las Vegas, and the local burglars look a lot different too. Picture: Supplied

Olivia Jenkins and Mark Buttler with their weekly dose of scallywag scuttlebutt.

Cracks show in shop theft

Not every burglar can have the rizz or looks of a George Clooney in Oceans 11, but the bunch of drongos who went on a robbery spree in Sunbury are plumbing new depths.

The two brazen thieves swiped thousands of dollars worth of goods from a florist, dog groomer and butcher in the early hours of Tuesday morning.

But the gaping crack in their plan emerged — literally — when the business owners reviewed CCTV footage.

One of the charmless duo repeatedly flashed a giant plumber’s crack as he bent over to grab at any loot he could plunder.

Thankfully, his waistband held steady and the already victimised business owners were spared further trauma as they trawled through the footage in a bid to identify the burglars.

Rather than fleeing each store after their cash grabs, the pair took their time ransacking cupboards and drawers looking for more.

Talk about all arse and no class.

The oafish burglar flashes a plumber’s crack as he plunders a Sunbury store. Picture: 9News

The thief would be well advised to upgrade his wardrobe with the proceeds of his crime spree. Picture: 9News

Forget 000, this is rule 303

A Deadline operative has been spending some time on King Island where it’s reasonable to say crime isn’t a major issue.

Out there in Bass Strait, there aren’t too many problems with out-of-control youth offenders doing aggravated burglaries and carjackings, unlike back in Melbourne

But, if they did, we doubt they’d be keen to take on this resident.

His gate makes it abundantly clear to intruders the risk they’d be taking by proceeding any further in a place where isolation means the locals are long accustomed to sorting out problems for themselves.

They solve their own problems on King Island.

Boy in blue blows his morning

Speaking of both sides of the law, one regional police officer was heavily involved in the force’s statewide blitz to crack down on drink and drug driving over the Anzac Day long weekend – although not for the reason his superiors may have liked.

Punters and holiday makers are no stranger to the booze buses and police patrols that line many Victorian roads as people take advantage of a long weekend, and this 26-year-old has been made familiar with both sides of their operations.

While drivers might expect to be breath tested later in the day once parties and celebrations have had hours to rage on, officers picked up their fellow member, who was off the clock during his commute, as he drove along Skipton St in Redan just after 8.30am.

It remains unclear whether his mammoth drinking effort had just begun, or whether his result that blew three times the legal limit was produced by remnants of the evening prior.

The western region officer was slapped with a fine and has been barred from getting behind the wheel again for 10 months.

Does it get any lower than robbing cars in a cemetery?

Five finger discount on dead stock

Dismayed residents across Melbourne’s southeast have issued warnings to their neighbours about potential thieves attempting to strike while they pay their respects to their dearly departed loved ones.

One beachside resident said a family member had to fend off a thief who had tried to break into their car as they visited a memorial site at a nearby cemetery in recent days.

Eerily similar crypt creepers were also reportedly seen at cemeteries across the eastern suburbs.

While it is unlikely the burglars held the same sinister intentions as those who desecrated the grave of the late sister of crime boss and convicted murderer George Marrogi in a suspected act of revenge, residents have noted the added layer of depravity of suspected thieves preying on people tending to their loved ones’ graves.

Nepo baby knows no perks

Eagle-eyed insiders and residents alike have noted a familial connection between one relative seemingly hellbent on flouting the rules and the other whose job it is to enforce them.

The different paths chosen by those living under one roof has no doubt fuelled tensions around the dinner table recently, with one family member having developed a penchant for pinching cars and leading police on suburban pursuits.

While one’s criminal interests might be creating headaches at home, you could hardly call the prolific offender a “nepo baby”, with their family ties having done very little, in fact nothing, to help them out of their legal binds.

But the divergent paths of the pair and a spate of incidents in their surrounding community have raised questions among those in the know about whether the one in blue is up for the task of driving down crime if a potentially prolific offender lives under their roof.