Clinical psychologist reveals tips on parenting teenage girls

DIVA drama-queen teens can become well-adjusted young women with the right help from their parents — and a fair bit of patience.

DIVA drama-queen teens can become well-adjusted young women with the right help from their parents — and a fair bit of patience.

Skip the Drama, a new book by clinical psychologist Dr Sarah Hughes, offers advice on managing arguments over excessive phone usage, selfish demands and a general lack of respect from teenage girls.

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She said girls more than boys tended to be emotionally sensitive at that age.

“There are some boys who are demonstrating this sort of behaviour but it’s particular to many girls, thanks to their temperaments and raging hormones,” Dr Hughes said.

“But be aware that what comes out as teen dramatics can be something more.

“When it’s recurring the same way time after time or there seems to be clear patterns or triggers, then something more serious might be going on.

“In such cases it might be stress-related, perhaps about the amount of homework they’ve got to do or anxiety over the anticipation of social gatherings,” Dr Hughes said.

Gab, 17, Jo, 17 and Livvie (jumping), 17. Picture: Alex Coppel

She said high school years could be “brutal” for girls.

“Years seven and eight can be the hardest. There’s still the mean girls and it’s much worse these days thanks to social media. Now the school day doesn’t end — it’s 24/7.”

Dr Hughes suggests parents focus on building skills.

“It’s good to offer alternatives on how to behave so girls can build their sense of personal responsibility and time management,” she said.

“This can be more helpful than going into lecture mode and raging about their inconsiderate behaviour. If you give an alternative, then they will learn there are consequences for their actions. It might still be a meltdown, but it might be a more productive meltdown.”

But parents can under­mine their own messages.

“If you say you’re not going to do their washing unless it’s in the laundry, then go ahead and do it anyway, then they’re not going to learn,” she said.

Another new book, Shine from Within: A Teenager’s Guide to Life, by Amanda Rootsey, offers girls a motivational boost.

“Every teenager deserves to be validated, accepted and to have strong self-esteem to ensure they build positive, healthy relationships with their peers, family and friends,” the former model and cancer survivor says.

TEEN TIPS

- Don’t give in to selfish requests as it may inadvertently reinforce selfish behaviour.

- Don’t rely on lectures to get good behaviour.

- Provide rewards and if that doesn’t work, make sure there are consequences.

- Attach conditions when you say “yes” to demands as it helps them consider the effect of their behaviour.

- It’s easy to mistake depression for angst, so be aware of warning signs.