Bland new station names for Melbourne Metro project reimagined
WITH Melbourne set for a metro rail makeover, station names such as ‘Arden’ and ‘Domain’ just don’t cut it. So here are some we came up with. Metro has our number.
Melbourne
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AMID a strong ‘no train, no gain’ message, Melburnians today woke to promising news that our rail network could be set for a $9 billion makeover and will be massive like New York or Tokyo.
But the station names being thrown about, including Arden, CBD North and Domain, are uninspiring at best.
So here are some we think are better. Metro has our number.
ARDEN ST — SHINBONER STATION
Located close to the Roos’ home turf, this is a fitting tribute to generations of passionate North Melbourne players and supporters.
But it might be a while before commuters are riding home with scarfs out the window in September.
PARKVILLE — DRUNK STUDENT STATION
A big win for commuters who work or live in Carlton or Parkville.
An even bigger win for Melbourne Uni students who, drunk on sparkling goon and their own self importance, are looking for a way in and out of the city proper.
CBD SOUTH — CRIME STOPPERS STATION
Named as such because ‘Balaclava’ was already taken.
Close to the dirty end of Swanston St and likely to be underground, a perfect opportunity for PSOs and police to keep their shifts overflowing with work.
CBD NORTH — QUINOA (KIN-WAH) STATION
The debate about whether the station is actually needed will be overshadowed by the argument over its pronunciation.
Nearby residents will claim they used this station before it was even built.
DOMAIN — MOSTLY ORNAMENTAL STATION
This station will be busy a few times a year for Remembrance Day and Anzac Day as Melburnians flock to the Shrine.
In between, it will pick up the odd South Yarra resident who doesn’t already catch the tram or walk to the city.
Passengers may, like punctual trains, be mostly absent.
GOT A BETTER NAME FOR THESE STATIONS? LET US KNOW BELOW
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