Babies are getting colic at record rates, for good reason. Here’s how to settle infants and save sleep.

Paediatrician Daniel Golshevsky is a baby sleep expert, committed to helping infants and their parents get a sound night’s rest — to save sanity and relationships. He shares his top tips.

Dr Daniel Golshevsky settles new born baby Mikaylah at Cabrini Mother and Baby Centre Malvern. Picture: David Caird

Daniel Golshevsky is a paediatrician who walked into my life at a point where my wife and I weren’t sure if our eight-month-old daughter was going to make it through an illness she was battling. He was appointed our home doctor by the Royal Children’s Hospital. We got lucky, with ‘Golly’, and our daughter, and we have remained close mates since. As a paediatric doctor, parents are looking to people like Daniel every day, wanting help and guidance and advice around their most important assets – their kids. He has since specialised in unsettled babies and sleep, because one of his children almost broke him and his brilliant wife. That is not uncommon, and he has spent his years since trying to make it easier for mums, and dads, to avoid post-natal depression and broken marriages as a result of not addressing the issues at hand.

HM: For the record, you’re still my wife’s favourite doctor.

DG: I like her too. Can I say that?

HM: You’re obviously very clever, who knows these days! You could’ve chosen anything, why paediatrics?

DG: The truth is that I loved every medical rotation that I did, but the moment I stepped into paediatrics as a medical student, I knew it was where I wanted to be for the rest of my life.

HM: What’s unique about it?

DG: I love that you have two sets of patients – the children and the parents – you can positively impact the entire family, that’s pretty special. Plus, you get to play around and be silly all day. I get to wear scrubs and sneakers, while my mates are ironing shirts.

HM: I’ve been asked a lot to find someone like you to help our readers with babies who won’t sleep. Your particular area of interest is in unsettled babies and sleep. How do you settle a crying baby?

DG: How much time do we have?

HM: Give me a crash course.

DG: Well, once you’ve excluded important things like hunger and illness – the key to settling a baby is to return them to the feeling of being in the womb. That’s where they felt the most safe, in fact it’s the safest we’ve ever felt in our entire lives.

HM: How do you do that? Make them feel like they’re back in the womb?

DG: You recreate that environment. Everything we do in settling a baby, is designed to recreate that environment. Swaddling – that’s to make them feel tightly held and enveloped. Shushing – that’s the sound you hear when you’re under water. Patting – that reminds them of their mother’s heartbeat, the beat of her aorta pulsing along their spine. Rocking – they’re used to movement, not being completely still all the time.

HM: How did that niche interest come about for you?

DG: I had the pleasure of parenting the world’s most unsettled baby when my first arrived. I was actually heading down the path of paediatric cardiology at the time, which I loved – and still do. But nothing properly prepared me for raising a baby with colic.

HM: We had a terrible sleeper. It destroys you, and the pressure it puts on the marriage is incredible because everyone is sleep-deprived.

DG: Agreed. It broke me. Completely. I was this paediatrician, studied for a decade, I’m dealing with children all day long … I felt like I should have known it all. I placed all this expectation on my shoulders and I thought I failed dismally. I felt like I failed my wife and failed my daughter.

HM: Do high achievers place absurdly high expectations on themselves?

DG: Possibly. Probably. I’ve got this theory that our children teach us the lessons we need the most – and my firstborn taught me that I needed to find a way to help babies like her and help parents like us. I needed to study harder, learn more, be better.

Dr ‘Golly’ became “obsessed” with studying newborn unsettled behaviour and sleep, and is now an expert dedicated to helping babies and empowering their parents.

HM: So what did you do?

DG: I took a deep dive into newborn unsettled behaviour; became obsessed with it. I studied everything, took every course – from infant mental health to sleep consultancy. I looked at how different cultures dealt with colic and discovered that newborns who don’t sleep well often continue to have poor sleep throughout childhood. Then I explored the impact on mothers and fathers. To be honest, it’s frightening.

HM: Are you talking about post-natal depression? How common is that?

DG: For women, data tells us up to one in four women can have post-natal depression, anxiety or adjustment disorder in the first year after a baby’s arrival. What we don’t talk about as much though, is post-natal problems in fathers.

HM: Men’s post-natal depression – what does it look like?

DG: The main symptoms we see in fathers are anger, mood swings, guilt, anhedonia …

HM: Anhedonia?

DG: Basically an inability to feel pleasure … anywhere. It is a horrible thing. Men stop enjoying things that they used to find fun. They can just generally feel disconnected from the whole experience. Throw in irregular sleep, reduced exercise and social isolation – it’s not a great recipe for any positive or productive outcomes and it can lead to a dark spiral.

HM: Is it common in dads?

DG: It’s hard to pinpoint a number because so few men put their hand up to say that they’re struggling and need help. So it leads to a scarcity of published data. Research suggests the figure is one in ten, but it’s probably much, much higher.

HM: I’ve got three children, two slept through the night, one didn’t and almost broke our spirits and our marriage. How many marriages break down as a result of newborns?

DG: There was a UK study putting that number at 20 per cent. That’s one in five relationships breaking down in the first year of a baby’s life. That’s a worryingly large number, I think.

HM: That’s so high – why is this happening?

DG: Because it’s so bloody hard. There’s just so much pressure on parents of newborns these days. So much noise. Pressure from within, from social media, from well-meaning friends or family. Pressure to love this life stage when in actual fact, you might not really be enjoying it.

HM: A young child is life altering even when they are really well behaved. For parents with a sick baby or an unsettled one who never sleeps, everything gets stretched and tested.

DG: Absolutely right. You and Soph have been through it with a sick baby. I’ve been through it – when my third went under the neurosurgeon’s knife before the age of one. It’s like an earthquake that rocks your foundation, it amplifies the struggle exponentially. And when it comes to unsettled babies and colic, it just makes everything harder. There’s no respite. No rest or recovery.

HM: How does having an unsettled baby affect the numbers with post-natal depression?

DG: We know that PND hits one in four women and one in 10 men – but those numbers literally double – in the setting of an unsettled baby. That’s literally every second or third mum and one in five dads. The prevalence is huge.

HM: Are these numbers what they’ve always been, or rising?

DG: It’s definitely a growing phenomenon, but for good reason. We have dramatically reduced the incidence of SIDS, with the simple advice of sleeping babies on their backs. Unfortunately, this has brought a much higher rate of colic than we’ve ever seen before, which means unsettled babies.

HM: Sleeping babies on their stomachs doesn’t seem like an option nowadays, so how do you fix this?

DG: You need to recognise it first, and then talk about it. Don’t shelve unsettled newborn behaviour as a rite of passage. Don’t see it as something to simply be endured. Not by babies and not by parents. There are identifiable causes for colic and there are real, practical, tangible solutions. Don’t dismiss it as purple crying or a developmental leap.

Babies are getting colic at higher rates than ever before because of the way they are being put down to sleep, which means more unsettled babies. But it’s for a good reason.

HM: What’s purple crying? Screaming until you turn purple?

DG: Purple crying is a describing term. It’s not a disease. It was designed to minimise shaken-baby syndrome, by normalising the period of unsettled behaviour between two weeks and four months. It’s actually an acronym. Peak crying, Unexpected, Resistant to soothing, Pain filled face, Long-lasting and occurring in the Evening. It’s essentially just another way of saying colic – it’s more of an adjective – but I don’t find it benefits parents. I’d rather provide helpful ways to actually alleviate a baby’s distress.

Concept behind infant developmental leaps “dangerous, false”

HM: Clever. I remember hearing about those developmental leaps too. What’s your take on them?

DG: I think it’s dangerous. It’s false. Child development is a fluid process, occurring on a continuum that is different for every child and it’s impossible to predict it day-to-day. There’s also no science behind the assumption that a baby needs to become upset when they make a developmental gain. To me it’s like having a major tantrum when you finally learn how to ride a bicycle or tie your shoelaces. It just doesn’t add up. The study has been debunked since it was published. So, if you’ve got an unsettled baby and someone dismisses it as a developmental leap, they are missing a potentially reversible cause of unsettled behaviour. To me that’s unfair to the baby. And to the parents.

HM: What are you doing to change things?

DG: I want to empower the parent. I’ve always loved that old adage about teaching a man to fish. If you can teach a parent to interpret their baby’s signs, identify what is causing them to cry or wake, then they are far more likely to be able to treat the cause and settle their baby. They become the expert on their child. They can truly communicate with the baby. I try to think of my program as like a toolkit, so you know when your baby is hungry, when they need to burp, when they are overtired or when they need a nappy change.

HM: Makes absolute sense.

DG: And it’s a real team effort, that’s the key. It’s not just about empowering mothers. It’s fathers, grandparents, everyone in that village who helps to raise that baby.

HM: Sounds ideal, but how does it actually happen?

DG: You start by shifting the paradigm. People tend to focus on the baby in this domain. Yes, it’s obviously important to ensure the baby is healthy and thriving, but a big part of my approach is to focus on the mother. If I can protect that mother, give her more sleep, expedite recovery from pregnancy and delivery, bolster breastmilk supply, minimise post-natal maladjustment – then I know the baby will be taken care of. And the secret weapon? Dads.

HM: Thought you were going to say full-time night nannies for everyone. Government-funded.

DG: If I was campaigning now, it would be my first agenda item.

HM: So, we’re back to dads again. They have a huge role here obviously.

DG: I think we really need to turn the spotlight onto fathers. On to any non-breastfeeding parent or caregiver. Not just because post-natal depression or anxiety needs to be more recognised here but because the non-breastfeeding parent can do so much more than they think. If anything, they’re the key to the whole family getting a full night’s sleep sooner.

HM: How so?

DG: So many reasons. Once breastfeeding is established, babies can safely stretch their feeds out, providing much needed rest for everyone. If the father is the first to tend to a crying baby overnight, they are more likely to be able to resettle them, as long as the cause of them waking wasn’t hunger at the time. They send a very strong message to that baby, through their touch, through their hold; that they’re not going to be fed. Babies are very astute communicators and they can sense this and are far more likely to settle. That’s why I always recommend putting a bassinet on the father’s side of the bed, as far from the smell of breast milk as possible, while still safely in the parents’ room.

HM: And I just thought I was gifted at settling my kids!

DG: You might be. But generally the mums are the heroes. We’re merely the support act. At the end of the day, us dads benefit the most, by being more hands on from the moment a baby is born.

HM: How so?

DG: Firstly, that baby is going to sleep through the night earlier. If that baby is ticking all the boxes, that can be as early as six weeks. That benefits mum, dad and baby. Plus, any siblings. But dads who are more involved during the newborn phase will benefit in a much more important way. It quite literally changes their brain.

Dr Golly advises putting babies to sleep in their parents’ room, as far away from the smell of breast milk as possible; which means the cradle goes next to dad. Picture: David Caird

HM: Changes their brain?

DG: Yes. And we’ve demonstrated it. You see, when a woman delivers a baby, she gets a flood of hormones that activate and grow a part of the brain called the amygdala. It’s the control centre for processing memories and emotions. It’s what drives a mother to be supersensitive to the baby, ignites those protective instincts, making her affectionate and loving to that baby. Dads don’t have this similar, automatic amygdala activation. But dads who are more heavily involved in the newborn period have been studied and we’ve seen a genuine difference in the size of their amygdala. It activates in a similar way to mothers. We previously thought it was purely hormonal, but it’s not. It’s just being with the baby. It’s winding them after a feed, changing a nappy. It’s a responsive coo or a warm embrace. Any dad can do that. Every dad can do that.

HM: So get active early?

DG: As much as you can be.

HM: Is it true you don’t like being called a baby whisperer?

DG: I don’t because I’m not. If anything, I’m a parent whisperer. Babies aren’t the ones who need to work on their communication, it’s us.

HM: Empower the parents, and the baby feels like they’re in safe hands.

DG: Precisely. You see, babies drink so much more than milk. They drink all of our emotions too. If we’re unsettled and anxious, the baby in our arms will feel exactly the same. If we are calm, confident and empowered, all of a sudden, the baby drinks in that confidence and trusts that you know what you’re doing.

HM: How’s Covid changed the landscape for parenting in this country?

DG: It’s actually been one of the positives to have come out of this pandemic. Not only have we had a delightful baby boom but parents have been homemore. Visitors have been reduced. Families can really get time to connect and most importantly, so many more dads are working from home. This means more time to sit with a baby, rather than sit in traffic.

One of the benefits of Covid lockdowns was parents being able to spend more time at home, bonding with their babies. Picture: David Caird

HM: You’ve worked with some pretty big names, some professional athletes too?

DG: Yes. Football and cricket clubs. There’s a terrific quote by Casey Smith (Dallas Mavericks head trainer) that goes something like: ‘If you told an athlete that you had a legal drug that could increase growth hormone, enhance recovery and improve their performance, they would all want it. Well we do, sleep does all of those things.’ Athletes push their bodies harder than anyone else, so they need more sleep as a result. Clubs don’t want player performance to drop when a new member of the family arrives. I’ve started working with bigger corporations too, they’re also seeing the value in sleep.

HM: I’m sure everyone’s performance increases with better sleep.

DG: There was a 2017 study that attributed $7bn losses to businesses, from employees underperforming due to sleepiness.

HM: I can imagine that. So why not write a book? Why did you go online with this program to help parents?

DG: Because that’s where parents are spending their time in the middle of the night. That’s where they’re looking for answers and trying to find solutions for their unsettled babies. I didn’t want to write another baby book. Who’s got time to read when you’re sleep-deprived? I wanted it to be online, mostly videos, easily digestible and quick to get through. I think new parents are feeling more overwhelmed than ever before. I just want to turn the volume up on their innate, parental instincts so they can prevent unsettled behaviour and get back to enjoying this precious, rapidly disappearing chapter of their lives. Plus I could only ever reach one family at a time in my consulting rooms, but now with the online reach, we’re having huge wins with families from all over the world. Germany, Japan, England. Teach a man to fish.

HM: Final piece of advice for new parents out there?

DG: When my kids were babies, my mother always told me that the days are long but the years are short. Only now that my children are older do I fully understand what that meant. The first year is so difficult, so demanding, so exhausting. But there are pockets of magic. Moments of unadulterated bliss. Don’t wish the time away, don’t try to survive it. Learn how to truly communicate with your baby, remove the hurdles that cause unsettled behaviour and frequent feeds. Better sleep benefits everyone in the family and you’ll look back on this time with fondness. You’ll remember the brilliant job that you did, because you are brilliant. You’re all doing a brilliant job.

You can find help at drgolly.com and follow @drgolly on Instagram.

Dr Golly is a clinical champion for panda.org.au (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia), supporting the mental health of parents and families during pregnancy and in their first year of parenthood. He also collaborates with sms4dads.com.au – a not-for-profit charity providing free text message support for fathers, particularly focusing on rural and First Nations fathers.