Ask Sandy: My son is wagging school, how can I make him stay?

A MUM is worried about her teenage son missing a lot of school. She is scared about what he is getting up to. She asks Sandy Rae for help.

Tired Boy Studying In Bedroom

HERALD Sun Weekend liftout psychologist Sandy Rea helps readers with their life dilemmas.

I am a single mum with four children. My eldest son is missing a lot of school and I am getting scared about where he is going and what he is doing. There is little contact with his father. The school is doing its best, but we all seem to be losing. How can I make a 14-year-old stay? Sad Mum, via email.

Research suggests there are many reasons children play truant. Some of these are attributed to factors within the home and some outside. These may not be relevant to your home and family but include parents who are disengaged, who may have a mental illness, engaging in substance abuse, unemployment, or parents who have little regard for the education system. Within the student there could be an undiagnosed learning difficulty, bullying, they may be angry about something (relationship with father?), have poor relationships with the staff at school or be isolated socially. Any of these may contribute to poor grades, poor self-esteem and/or poor self-management skills. Your son may get more reinforcement by joining like-minded peers. Students who are long-term truants have a greater risk of being involved in the justice system, accompanied by an increased risk of substance abuse (tobacco, alcohol or illegal drugs). Speak to the school psychologist about some of these areas. They may have been overlooked or minimised.

There is a great divide in my group of friends who are all grandparents. Some of us are happy to babysit our grandchildren many times, while others think they should get paid. Surely the government shouldn’t have to pay for us — that would have been unheard of when I was young.  Gran, Point Cook

When you were young there probably wasn’t the sort of expectations that exist now. Women are actively encouraged to return to work, there are single parents who need childminding help and there are working couples who want their own homes and need to work to repay their mortgages. So times are different. There probably wasn’t the Carer’s Allowance when you were young, nor the NDIS. Childcare places are also tight. The National Commission of Audit recommended grandparents be eligible for childcare payments. Almost one million children are cared for by grandparents across Australia. Grandparents shouldn’t have to feel guilty about taking the allowance, nor should they feel guilty about wanting their own time. Whatever works in your family is all that matters.