Ahead of Mother’s Day, 25 Victorian mums reveal what motherhood means to them

AHEAD of Mother’s Day, Jen Kelly and snapper Nicole Cleary visit 25 Victorian mums to capture the highs and lows of each woman’s motherhood journey.

Brighid Mantelli has a band with her husband and three children Etienne, Edmund, and Livia. Picture: Nicole Cleary

VICTORIAN mums comes in all shapes and sizes, and the 25 we spoke to said while being a mother can be tough it also has plenty of rewards.

We’ve interviewed working mums, stay at home mums, young mums, single mum, older mums, stepmothers, foster-mothers, mothers who have lost their babies, mothers who adopted children and mothers who struggled for years to have children.

Here they tell us, in their own words, about the highs and lows of their very personal experiences of motherhood.

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KATIE BOWKER, 44, Merrijig

Married to Pete Bowker

Mother of Flynn, 15, and Darcy, 13

MOTHERHOOD to me is all about shared experiences, having fun, lots of commitment and lots of joy. Pete and I both work at Mt Buller.

The mountain is part of our life so we’re always doing something here. We like mountain biking and camping, but skiing is the No. 1 priority. The boys have been skiing since they were three.

One lesson I’ve learnt is the best way to get kids to do what you want them to do is not make it obvious how much you want them to do it. So instead of yelling, “Get in the car!” or “I’m leaving — we’ve got to go now!”, my approach is now more about working together so I’ll say, “The quicker you’re ready, the quicker we’ll get there”, rather than that bossy, authoritative approach.

I probably used to use lots of commands to try to manipulate them then I just worked out, particularly with Darcy, he’s going to do everything his own way anyway. So I had to work out an approach that doesn’t involve being the boss. I’ve learnt by calming myself down, it calms the situation down, and you can usually go back to square one, because kids aren’t very good at backing down. So it has to be the adult that backs down.

The best part of being a mum is watching the boys grow into people I really like. It’s about helping them develop their potential and loving them and being loved.

SHELLEY PAPPAS, 43, Balwyn

Married to Shane Pappas

Mother of Kate, 16, Ally, 14, Alex, 11, and twins Jessica and Megan, 10

MOTHERHOOD for me is extremely chaotic and busy. We went back for number four and ended up with twins and we were very happy with that. Some people aren’t lucky enough to have any children and I was lucky enough to have two for the price of one. So we ended up with five kids under six.

We’ve made so many sacrifices — but good sacrifices. Financially it’s difficult, but you work hard to make it work. Time is the hardest thing. Between work, the kids and the house I rarely have time to myself so I stay up until 1am most nights just so I can watch a show I want to watch or read a magazine. But there are certain shows we like to watch together, like Survivor. In a sense it’s like Survivor in this family.

Motherhood to me means special times sitting with the kids and talking to them. As they’re getting older I’m enjoying their company a lot more than when they’re so dependent on you.

REBEKAH TAYLOR, 45, Viewbank

Married to Michael Harris

Mother of Silas, 12

PRIOR to having Silas, I completely understood intellectually how unconditional love exists between a child and a parent — but nothing prepared me for the intensity of that reality. Silas has swimming training for 1½-2 hours five mornings a week so we’re up at 4.50am and on our way by 5.05am. That means I have to go to bed at 9 or 9.30pm, so my husband and I only have a window of about an hour to catch up.

The early mornings are hard, but they can be good too, particularly in summer when you see the sun coming up and the hot air balloons. We were together 10 or 11 years before we had Silas and my husband is a professional musician so we lived a very different lifestyle. I’m getting up now at the time we used to go to bed!

Motherhood motivates me to strive to be the best version of myself that I can be. I strive to be as physically, emotionally and mentally healthy as I can, because so much of motherhood is leading by example. It has enriched my life in ways that I could never have imagined.

OLIVIA RISVANIS, 38, Malvern East

Married to John Risvanis

Mother of Hugo, 7, Luca, 6, Basil, 4, and Jade, 8 months

MOTHERHOOD to me means setting a good example and getting the kids ready for life and the big, wide world. It’s about caring for them, kissing them, hugging them, showing them love. I really don’t like when people say, “I don’t have time”. I think that’s just an excuse. I think it’s about making time for your kids. Your kids come first.

Our faith is really important to us. We’re Catholic and we go to church every Sunday and we all pray together every night. I always wanted a big family so this is small! I would have liked to have six. I liked the idea from watching shows like The Brady Bunch — they all had big families.

Preparation for number four was one of the hardest times for me. I was so sure it was going to be another boy. I think I was scared of the idea of having four sons. So I think that’s why having a girl is life-changing for me. And Jade is my last — I do feel done.

Brighid Mantelli has a band with her husband and three children Etienne, Edmund, and Livia. Picture: Nicole Cleary

BRIGHID MANTELLI, 42, Ocean Grove

Married to Ubaldino Mantelli

Mother of Etienne, 15, Edmund, 12, and Livia, 9

MOTHERHOOD for me is wonderful, but exhausting. It’s hard work trying to fit everything in, including my job, and doing what I want to do, which is play music.

We’ve got a family band, The Mantelli Five, and we play alternative folk. Two years ago, we travelled around Australia for three months. We had 10 instruments in the back of the Prado. We played in a lot of Aboriginal communities. We often played for accommodation and food. We bush camped in the middle of nowhere at times. The kids just loved it.

One night we rolled the car, and all the emergency vehicles arrived. Edmund, Livia and I were immobilised on our backs with neck braces and Etienne was checking all the instruments and playing them all to see if they worked. One of the SES guys said, “Oh, I’ve never had live music at an incident before!” He just kept playing because of the adrenalin so he kept us entertained.

I work full-time as a music teacher and I’m studying, but I don’t want the kids to miss out on opportunities. Livia does basketball, drums, ballet, violin and flute, and Edmund does swimming, Italian, guitar, violin and ballet. We drive Etienne 1½ hours to a cello lesson in Melbourne each week, and he does bass lessons and Italian. He’s in a band, too, so we go to all his gigs.

A lot of people say, “I only let my children do one activity”, but I figure if your children beg for at least two years they really want to do it. So that’s why it’s hard work, because we don’t hold back.

JACLYN ROSSI, 46, Geelong West

Married to Paul Crossley

Mother of Isla, 4

BEING a mum is exhausting, exhilarating and challenging — often all in five minutes. I had postnatal depression and it was difficult, because Isla was never a good sleeper, and I’d think, “Come on, get older, get older, then you’ll be sleeping better”. Then I had a really good GP and he gave me two really good pieces of advice. One was, “Don’t Google anything!” And the other was, “Slow down, relax, and enjoy your baby”.

Now Isla goes to kinder three days a week so I can do the things I need to do, including studying my Masters in teaching. So now those two days I spend with Isla I give her 100 per cent. We have crafting afternoons together. I do crotchet and sewing and Isla does her crafting.

My favourite time of the day with her is the morning. Every morning Isla hops into our bed and we’ll all lie in bed and have a cuddle and watch the sun rise from our bed. I’ve definitely managed to slow down and just enjoy being a mum.

MOHYA DAVIES, 57, Foster

Married to John Davies

Mother of biological children Shannon, 31, Scott, 30, Morgan, 28, and Elliot, 25, and adopted daughters Misikir, 20, and Rahel, 19; and grandmother of four

BEING a mum is like riding a wave — one minute it is exhilaratingly fabulous and the next minute you’re dumped and gasping for air. I travelled a fair bit in my early 20s. When I was travelling in southern India, I was playing with a chubby little baby boy, and a woman handed him to me and said, through an interpreter, “You take him, I can see you’re very kind, and I have seven children and I don’t have enough food and he won’t have an education”. She was serious. We just made light of the situation, but it left a really deep impression for me.

John and I had four biological children, then we went through the four-year adoption process. It’s not for the faint-hearted. Our four children were aged 7 to 14 when we went, as a family, to Ethiopia to collect Misikir and Rahel and spent two weeks there. It was a whole family commitment and it has remained so.

Rahel was two and Misikir was three. They’d been in an orphanage for some time. We brought the girls home to Foster, where we live on a farm overlooking Wilsons Prom. Initially people would take a second look when we walked down the street. But country people are very accepting and they just became “the Davies kids”.

Being a mother of a large family has challenged me to the very core, but it’s enriched our lives incredibly.

ISHRAT SUMANA, 33, Pakenham

Married to Atiur Rahman Siddique

Mother of Ayaan, 4

MOTHERHOOD to me is a 24/7 job where you never expect any returns. You are rewarded with love, hugs and kisses from your little one which will make you feel if you were not a mum your life would be incomplete. My husband and I are from Bangladesh and we came to Australia in 2007.

I want Ayaan to understand and have feelings for Bengali culture in parallel to Australian culture. Eventually, he will adapt to Australian culture. The hard part will be to retain our culture. I speak in Bengali at home so that he learns to speak in Bengali. In future, I am planning to teach him how to read Bengali so that he can enjoy Bengali literature.

I work full-time in the city as an information management consultant and my round trip from home to work and back is three to four hours a day. Ayaan goes to kinder two days and has three days in childcare.

He will start school next year. I feel anxious about how he will cope because he is very soft in nature, but I am excited because he will enter a new phase of his life. Ayaan is the best gift in my life.

Single mum Lyn Oakes says she’s been very lucky but she’s also learnt that life doesn’t always turn out the way you expect. Picture: Nicole Cleary

LYN OAKES, 46, Newport

Single

Mother of Jasmine, 7

MOTHERHOOD is everything to me. It’s the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. It fills my heart with joy and it is just such a great privilege. I always wanted to be a mum. I remember in high school knowing that one day in my adult life I would love to have children.

A lesson I’ve learnt the hard way is that life doesn’t always unfold the way you expect it to. My marriage ended unexpectedly and suddenly when I was pregnant. That wasn’t something I saw coming, so it was difficult.

That was the toughest moment I’ve experienced as a mum. But life as a single mum is fantastic. And I’m very aware of how lucky I am. If I wasn’t a single mum, life would be different, but not better.

I have so many favourite memories — holding her as a baby and cuddling. Cuddling is still the thing I love the most.

We love going away camping together. We go away with a group of friends. It’s great to get out into nature. Last Christmas we camped at the Howqua River and all the kids were swimming in the river and they all had such a great time.

Everyone has a different experience of motherhood, but for me it hasn’t been a difficult thing. I’ve been very lucky.

JACKIE DAVIS, 65, Westmeadows

Widowed

Foster mother to twin boys, 5, and a girl, 1, who cannot be named; biological mother of four adult children and seven grandchildren

EVERY day is Mother’s Day to me, because you hear the kids say “I love you, Jackie” all the time. It’s that love they give. And I say, “I love you, too.” You know their mum can’t have them for some reason, and they’re just reaching out for you.

I’ve been fostering 35 years. I’ve had more than 100 children. I started when my kids were two, four, seven and nine. I’m very proud of my biological kids for sharing me. If a mum can’t have them, someone’s got to love them.

Some of them have come from really bad backgrounds. It’s just so rewarding seeing the behaviour change, because they’re usually fragile when we get them. Sometimes they remember little things from their life, and you’ve just got to comfort them.

One of my favourite times is cuddle time at night. That’s what they want all the time — cuddles and knowing that they’re loved.

I’ve had these boys more than 3½ years but they’ll leave me at Christmas to go to permanent care. It’s going to be hard to part with them. They’re part of our family now. I have all three 24/7, but if I need go to a wedding or something MacKillop (Family Services) gets me a babysitter. I can’t imagine ever stopping. I’ll probably be in a walking frame — the kids will be helping me around.

PAM LI, 44, Balwyn North

Married to Keith Lam

Mother of Jadyn, 12, and Brendyn, 8

MOTHERHOOD for me is about seeing my children achieving things, failing things and then improving on themselves, learning about themselves while I learn about myself.

I coach Jadyn’s basketball team, we do training every Tuesday before school and then we play our games on Thursday after school. The boys are fantastic. You have to make sure people don’t think you’re biased, so I’m probably a little bit tougher on Jadyn than anyone else, because you don’t want anyone thinking, “Oh, it’s just because your mum’s the coach”.

I encourage my boys to do as much as they can. As well as basketball, Jadyn does karate and swimming, and Brendyn does indoor futsal and karate and swimming.

The toughest time for me as a mum was when I just had Jadyn and Keith was working interstate regularly, so I felt quite lonely.

We have a business now, a newsagency out at Broadmeadows. My husband runs that full-time and I’m there part-time.

I was pregnant with Brendyn and Jadyn was three when we bought the business so I was hands-on up until Brendyn’s birth, then I just went in there very part-time until I got the feeding right. It was very difficult. Motherhood comes with joys and tears. They’re hard work, but in general they just bring a lot of joy.

KAREN GORMAN, 44, Oakleigh South

Married to David Gorman

Mother of Hayley, 12, and Chloe, 10

MOTHERHOOD to me means devoting yourself to somebody else. But for them to be happy, I’ve got to be happy. I have to have a fulfilled life, too. That’s something I learnt the hard way. I left corporate life when I had children and was a full-time mum for eight years. I put sport on hold — everything.

I think I was too absorbed by the children. You sort of become a passenger, watching life through them.

So now I’m a personal trainer and do group fitness instruction. I work 28 to 35 hours a week. I do triathlons and both girls have been doing them too since they were six. So on top of all my training at work, my husband and I take the girls out for training after school and on weekends.

When I did my first marathon last year they didn’t see a lot of me. I was even up at 4am on some mornings just so I could squeeze a long run into my day without the family suffering.

They are there at the end of my big races seeing me cross the line and that motivates them to want that feeling too some day. Through sport, we’ve found a common ground where I can say, “Hey, this is Mum’s life, and you’re a big part of it, too, because you can come along for the ride with me.”

Young mother Lauren Padovan is now expecting her second child. Picture: Nicole Cleary

LAUREN PADOVAN, 20, Pakenham

Partner of Will Donaldson

Mother of Brody, 2, and nine months pregnant with another boy

MOTHERHOOD is my life. Everything I do revolves around Brody and while I didn’t plan to start a family so young, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I fell pregnant when I was 17.

It was a huge shock to both of us and our families. After the first ultrasound we both warmed to the idea. Because I was so young, people talked about me. But I just ignored it. I’m definitely not ashamed I’m a young mum. I’m actually quite proud.

I’m stubborn and I do things the way I want to do them. I take on board the advice I want, and leave behind the rest. I gave up my full-time job when I was 34 weeks pregnant and I’ve stayed home since.

After these two kids I’ll focus on my career. I’d love to study to become a pharmacist and return to work full-time when both boys are at school.

When I first got pregnant, Will and I were living in a one-bedroom place, so it was hard with a baby. When Brody was 13 months we built this four-bedroom house in Pakenham. It was a big change.

There’s nothing I’d go back and change. There’s just nothing better than tucking in Brody at night and hearing him say, “I love you, Mummy!”

MARIZA O’KEEFE, 39, Williamstown

Married to Chris O’Keefe

Mother of Meri, 6, Catherine, 4, and Xavier, 21 months

ON a good day, motherhood is joyful and I love it. And on a bad day, it’s hard work — the hardest work I could possibly imagine. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

My toughest moment was when Meri was diagnosed with Down syndrome about three hours after she was born. It was like my world turned upside down. I took the news really hard and I prejudged what my future was going to be like. I didn’t know what to expect, so I expected the worst.

As I went on the journey, I realised I shouldn’t have prejudged. I worried about a lot of things that I didn’t really need to. Meri’s been fantastic.

When Meri was born, we were told she could have serious health issues, learning difficulties, heart problems. I can remember even being told maybe she wouldn’t walk. And I thought, “oh gee, our life is just over”.

But it’s turned out far from it. In the end, I’ve ended up with a beautiful little girl. I adore her and she brings so much happiness into our life and everyone’s life.

I think I’m a better person as a result of Meri having special needs. I wouldn’t swap Meri for the world. All three of them are challenging in their own way — but they all bring a lot of joy.

CHRISTINE DOOLEY, 48, Forest Hill

Married to Paul Dooley

Mother of Megan, stillborn on April 30, 2006

MY daughter taught me how to love, because there’s no love like the unconditional love you have for a child. Paul and I got together 10 years ago and started trying for children soon after. I was 39 when I fell pregnant but when I was four months pregnant, they discovered Megan had Down syndrome. That was quite a shock. But then we thought, “Bring it on!”

Then at five months they discovered she had hydrops, which is an accumulation of body fluid, and there was nothing they could do. It was caused by a heart condition. We were told to prepare for the worst.

When I was about 5½ months, I got this overwhelming feeling. I just knew she had died. It was confirmed. I was induced and gave birth.

One of the hardest things was walking out of the hospital with no baby. I just cried all the way. The grief was unbearable, but the Sands (miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death support) group was a huge help.

A year and a half later I fell pregnant again and at eight weeks, I miscarried.

Then we tried IVF but that didn’t work for us either.

We celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and Megan’s birthday every year. I want people to know I am a mum — I’ve given birth, I held my baby in my arms. We are parents — our children are just not here with us.

Mother of six Shannon Board said she always wanted a big family. She has two sets of twins, Noah and Xavier, Jaxson and Connor, and Madalen, and Locklan. Picture: Nicole Cleary

Shannon Board with her six children — two sets of twins, Noah and Xavier, Jaxson and Connor, and Madalen, and Locklan. Shannon said she always wanted big family and while it can be hard it’s also really exciting. Picture: Nicole Cleary

SHANNON BOARD, 30, Portland

Married to Graham Board

Mother of Madalen, 8, twins Xavier and Noah, 7, Locklan, 4, and twins Connor and Jaxson, 3 WE both always wanted to have a big family. We always agreed on six as a nice number — no one gets left out and everyone always has someone to play with.

The hardest part of being a mum for me is strangers making comments — people say “you’ve got your hands full” or “you’re a sucker for punishment!”

Connor is autistic. Being at home is easier for him. I enjoy being at home. Our toughest time was when Connor had surgery at the Royal Children’s when he was nine months and was there for a week so I stayed with him.

It was hard because you’ve got five other kids to worry about.

Mother’s Day is madness for me. They’re fun kids, but they have their moments. I love being a mum. It does get really hard, but it’s exciting. It’s a lot of fun in our house. It’s never boring.

PENNY STEVENS, 45, Barwon Heads

Married to Barry Stevens

Mother of Jack, 7, and Poppy, 6

AS I come from a very close family, it was always very important for me to have children. That’s why we put so much energy into IVF, because it wasn’t something I was willing to miss out on.

We tried for a good two years to have a child naturally and then because of my age, they put me on IVF, and it took four cycles before we had Jack. My overriding fear was the thought of not being able to have children. That terrified me, because I’m so close to my mum and dad, and I really wanted that bond for myself.

We moved from Melbourne to Barwon Heads five years ago so the children could grow up in the country and have an upbringing like Barry and I had in Port Fairy and Warrnambool.

We love camping, especially near the beach. We all love water sports.

Motherhood is just who I am now. I used to be a bookkeeper or restaurant manager, but now I’m just “Mum”, which is probably the best job I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t change it. I’m the most content I’ve ever been in my life.

ROBYN COCKS, 34, Portland

Married to Paul Cocks

Mother of Elaina, 6

MOTHERHOOD means everything to me. I have pretty much based my entire life around being a mum. I don’t like the idea of palming Elaina off to childcare or to anyone else. Everything I do I’ve done so that I can include Elaina, including purchasing my rather hard-to-come-by double western saddle.

I’ve been riding horses all my life and this means I can take Elaina riding with me. Elaina loves it. She says “go faster, go faster!” I have seven horses, including Elaina’s own little pony, Nadia. She rides around the backyard while I’m training in the gym.

I do body sculpting and I’ve competed three times. It’s a more feminine version of bodybuilding. I’ve purchased all my own equipment and set up a gym in our four-bay garage so I can train in there with Elaina.

I’ve got Elaina a little mini trampoline and mini dumbbells and punching bags so she trains with me. She loves it because she’s into taekwondo.

I lost my mum to cancer in 2012 on my dad’s birthday, then I lost my dad this year.

That’s another reason I want to spend as much time as I can with Elaina. Life’s so short and goes so quick, so I think if you can spend the time with them, do it.

URAINE ROELOFS, 29, Melton South

Married to Albert Roelofs

Mother of Sianna, 9 months

SIANNA is the love of my life. Waking up to her in the morning and seeing her smile and laugh turns any rainy day into a good day. The toughest part of motherhood is sometimes being alone and living so far out of the city without much family support.

My father is Greek and my mum is Aboriginal. I’m originally from Ceduna in South Australia, where the desert meets the ocean, not far from the Nullarbor Plains. I’m from the Kokatha tribe. I did identify more strongly as Aboriginal, but I’ve done a lot of soul searching and now identify equally with both cultures. I spent a month in the Greek village of Sianna, where Sianna was conceived. There are so many similarities between Aboriginal and Greek culture.

It’s very important to me Sianna embrace both, as well as my husband’s Dutch and Sri Lankan heritage. I’ve just finished my post graduate certificate in indigenous arts management.

For the final week in October, I was studying all night overnight. Sianna would wake so I would breastfeed her then go back to my assignments. It was go, go, go. But that’s what you have to do as a mother.

You have to keep on pushing and if you fall down, you have to get back up! I put 150 per cent into everything I do now. Motherhood is shaping me into a better person.

Amy Rantall with her newborn son Archie. Picture: Nicole Cleary

AMY RANTALL, 22, Camperdown

Single Mother of Archie, 3 weeks

IT’S an amazing feeling to think I’ve actually got a little boy. I wasn’t planning to have a baby, but as soon as I found out I was pregnant it was an amazing feeling. Archie was born nine weeks early. I was rushed by ambulance from the hospital in Warrnambool to the Royal Women’s Hospital in Melbourne because I was diagnosed with really bad pre-eclampsia. The next morning they came in and said Archie was not doing too well so I had to have an emergency C-section. I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. I was concerned he was going to come out not breathing. But he was fine and he had no breathing problems. He weighed 1550g — he was just this little, tiny baby. I just couldn’t believe my son was actually here in the world just because it was so much sooner than I expected. My favourite moment so far was my first hold of Archie. That was the best feeling in the world, being able to hold my little ray of sunshine for the first time. When he was nine days old, he was flown back from Melbourne to the hospital in Warrnambool. Having him closer to me 45 minutes from home instead of in Melbourne was a huge step forward because now I have family support around me. I live with my mum, and I would be completely lost if I didn’t have my family around me. I just can’t wait to take him home. It’s been an overwhelming experience. I feel my job as his mum is going to be to give him the best care possible. I just want him to be a healthy little boy.

STELLA GWINI, 33, Truganina

Married to Darlington Mukucha

Mother of Tinotenda, 5

MOTHERHOOD for me is about having a little somebody who looks up to you and totally relies on you. You have to live a life that sets an example for them. When I had my son, I was in England and my mum couldn’t come so I had to teach myself how to be a mother. I learnt from books; I always say I’m more of a book mother.

My husband is Zimbabwean too and we met in England. He was there for Tinotenda’s birth, but he left for Australia when Tinotenda was about two months. For about nine months, it was just Tinotenda and me. It was a bit lonely.

I went back to work full-time as a biostatistician when Tinotenda was about four months. He went to family day care. Fortunately he started sleeping through the night two weeks before. Because Tinotenda will probably live in Australia for the rest of his life, I’m happy for him to be Australian. But I want him to know a fair bit about being a Zimbabwean, so when we take him home, he knows how to relate with others.

Now I work part-time for Monash University in occupational health research, but I study full-time, doing a PhD in public health.

Motherhood is bittersweet. I love my work and I love my study, but if I had to keep only one of the roles, I would keep my motherhood role. That’s the best one. I love being a mum.

MARY MIKHAEL, 33, St Kilda

Stepmother of Mikael, 18

Partner to Jonathan Movitz

MOTHERHOOD to me is about support, friendship and love. I absolutely love being involved in Mikael’s life. I’m quite young myself and we get along so well. I’ve been his stepmum for about four years. We love cooking together. And we love watching movies.

He loves supernatural movies — so we get along well because I do it for a living. He still can’t believe it. He says, “Wow, I watch it — and you live it!”.

I am a metaphysical teacher and modern-day alchemist. I do work around soulmates, shifting energies and all forms of spirit work — anything to do with the supernatural, the esoteric and the mystic.

Because I haven’t had any children of my own, the challenging thing was working out when is friendship friendship and when is parenthood parenthood.

Another challenging thing for me was to respect that he has his mum and she will always be his mum even though she has passed away, and that I’m there to provide my unconditional love and support.

If I did have a biological son, it would be Mikael, because we’re just so connected.

DEB SAUNDERS, 58, Portland

Mother of Evie, 37 (deceased 2011), Christopher, 37, and Kellie, 35; and grandmother of six YOU really do have to appreciate your time you have with your kids and your grandchildren because you never know when it’s going to be taken away from you. It was extremely difficult to watch my daughter Evie lose her battle to cancer in 2011. She was such a strong person and was convinced she would get through it, but unfortunately she didn’t.

She was sick all year and passed a few days before Christmas. I talk to her every day. She is still with me and that’s what gets me through. I’ve had Evie’s daughter, Tahlia, who is 16, since then. We had a strong relationship, luckily, so Tahlia fitted in well.

My grandson Shane is 17 and has been in my care since he was two as his mum wasn’t in the position to care for him However, Kellie has since had four children and continues to be a part of Shane’s life. Shane grew up here as an only child and Tahlia was an only child so they’ve been the best of friends since they were young.

My children and their father are Aboriginal, Gunditjmara tribe, so they’ve been quite involved in the Aboriginal community. Kellie is a cultural education officer working with schools and community groups and Christopher is a welder and fights for Aboriginal and Torres Strait rights. Being a mum is difficult, but because I learned everything the hard way with my own children I can now be a better parent with my grandchildren. I love it when all the kids and grandchildren come and stay.