Travis Cloke opens up about hidden depression battle

TRAVIS Cloke put on a brave face for more than a year, keeping his personal demons hidden from family, friends and teammates. He speaks for the first time about the most painful period in his life.

Travis Cloke is now in a much happier place, thanks in no small part to the love and support of wife Beccy. Picture: David Caird

TRAVIS Cloke put on a brave face for more than a year, keeping his personal demons hidden from family, friends and teammates, before breaking down in June and admitting he needed help.

Speaking for the first time about the most painful period in his life, Cloke admits parting with Collingwood after 12 seasons and 246 games devastated him and crushed his confidence.

But thanks in no small part to the love and support of wife Beccy — and with their first child (a girl) due in November — Cloke is now in a much happier place.

Beccy and Travis Cloke are expecting a baby together in November. Picture: Alex Coppel

“It’s a pretty exciting time in our family at the moment. I’m not too sure who is more excited, Bec or myself,” Cloke jokes.

Of his Pies exit, he admits: “Parting with a football club I loved so much and I had so many of my close friends there ... it was hard.

“I didn’t know any different. I was born into a footy family, Dad (former Richmond and Collingwood great David Cloke) finished footy when I was two, my brothers were both playing when I was a young teenager, I started doing work experience at Collingwood as a 16-year-old and was drafted there as a 17-year-old.

“I think there is this image of me out there that I’m this big strong ­intimidating person but, behind the footy jumper and the colours of a footy club, I’m a pretty gentle soul.

“It was just a moment (in June) I had that I was sitting there one day and I just broke down and I knew that I’d been forcing and pushing myself for so long.”

Cloke, drafted by the Western Bulldogs this year after opting out of the final year of his Collingwood ­contract, had been so adept at denying the problem that even Beccy didn’t know the extent of his unhappiness and sense of loss.

Travis Cloke celebrates a goal with Collingwood in during the 2016 season. Picture: Adam Trafford/AFL Media/Getty

Travis Cloke celebrates his first goal as a Bulldog against his former side Collingwood this year. Picture: Adam Trafford/AFL Media/Getty Images

“He kept it for so long saying, ‘I’m fine, everything’s fine’. I think he thought he was failing me and his family and the club,” she says.

“He puts on such a brave face for everything and acts so positive but I know it (leaving Collingwood) broke him.”

Negative comments on social media also played a big part in his descent into depression.

“Social media now is so important and it’s so accessible, the click of a button here and there and you can literally find anything you want to find about yourself, good, bad or indifferent,” Cloke says.

“Probably when things aren’t going so well you do read things, which is probably not the best thing to do.”

Mrs Cloke was shocked by some of the comments made about her husband.

“Some of the things people write are so horrible. If you’re told you’re crap and people hate you on a daily basis that is naturally going to build up.,” she says.

But Cloke says he’s also been amazed and heartened by the messages he has received since publicly admitting he needed help.

“It’s kind of reassuring that you’re not useless or failing, that this is part of life and that when you are struggling it’s actually all right to put your hand up and say, ‘I need a bit of a hand here, I need to rejig a few things’.

“The messages I received from closer friends saying, ‘I’ve been dealing with the same thing and you coming forward and being public with it has given me the opportunity or strength to actually voice it with my own partner, friends and family,’ were quite satisfying as well. It gives you a bit of reassurance but also a bit of love for yourself, knowing what you’re doing for yourself is helping others.”

Travis Cloke celebrates a goal with the Western Bulldogs. Picture: Michael Klein

Mrs Cloke says she’s proud of her husband for having the courage to reach out for help and publicly reveal his battle with mental illness. “It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s actually strong to come out and say something,” she says.

Cloke acknowledges there is no easy fix for depression. “It’s not a situation that is going to go away overnight or in six or 12 months, it’s something I will manage. I’ll progress day by day and week by week,” he says.

Cloke will return to training in late November and has his eyes fixed on achieving more personal and team success on the field next season.

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