The week that was with Mikey Cahill: Aussie racing domination, Carlton ratings slump and Keyte defection

WELCOME back, sports fans, parents withprams and you there in your jimmy-jams. I’m here to give you the willpower to face the day, in the In Case You Missed It wrap of the week with Mikey Cahill.

Daniel Ricciardo put the Aussie shoey on the international map when he won the Monaco Grand Prix. Picture: Mega

WELCOME back, sports fans, parents with prams and you there in your jimmy-jams.

I’m here to give you the will power to face the day.

Aussie speedster Will Power made history by being the first Australian to win the Indy 500. He drove at 400kmh for 200 laps in the scorching heat to win $3.3 million. After he won Will celebrated by drenching himself in milk.

“I just screamed like I’ve never screamed before,” Power said, annoyed nobody had kept the bottle in the fridge.

LAST WEEK’S ICYMI: DEADPOOL 2 RULES, TRUMP SLUMPS, THE ROYAL REVEREND WHO ROCKED IT

Will Power used sheer willpower to become the first Aussie to win the Indy 500 in the US. Picture: Getty Images

Daniel Ricciardo used his footwear to celebrate victory in the Monaco Grand Prix Formula One. He did his famous Shoey (trigger warning), drinking champagne from his sweaty, squishy sneaker. Ricciardo’s dominant performance had experts comparing him to the original Shuey, Michael Schumacher. Now F1 have trademarked The Shoey, instantly putting a bad taste in our mouths.

David Neitz, Matthew Scarlett, Terry Wallace, Wayne Johsnton, Kevin Sheedy and Mel Whinnen were inducted into the AFL Hall of Fame. Picture: Getty

Matthew Scarlett made the toe of his boot famous (infamous in St Kilda fans eyes) when he deftly poked the footy in the centre of the MCG in the 2009 AFL Grand Final that led to the winning Cats’ goal.

Scarlett, Wayne Johnson, Terry Wallace, David Neitz, Bernie Naylor and Mel Whinnen were inducted into the AFL Hall of Fame this week with Kevin Sheedy achieving legend status.

AFL fans and broadcasters took one look at the Carlton Blues (an apt nickname) and uttered “J’accuse” after a severe ratings slump for Friday night footy.

Perhaps they need to bring Juddy back. That’s Rebecca, not Chris. Three reasons why this is a good idea: Bec would be very difficult to tackle because there’s not that much of her; she has the inside word on the unpredictable weather conditions and therefore an advantage over her opponents; and she can alert her 678,000 Instagram fans she’s going to be pulling the boots on, instantly quadrupling ratings. No worries, Channel 7, I’ll send over my BSB and account number shortly.

Jennifer Keyte was changed teams switching from Seven News to Ten News. Picture: Jason Edwards

Seven needs a win after Jennifer Keyte switched teams (get your mind out of the gutter) and joined the pithily titled “Channel 10 Eyewitness News First At Five”, ousting Stephen Quartermain. Fun fact: Quarters is desperate to dress up as the Hawthorn mascot. He may have more time on his hands now, Hawka will be in touch.

From the brown and gold to a strange combination of the two and in fake news the Screaming Carrot Demon aka Donald Trump invited Kim Kardashian into the White House to discuss shampoo and conditioning regimes.

US President Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian at the White House.

Real news: South Sudanese famine is at its worst yet as millions face malnutrition. People are eating leaves of trees, that’s how desperate they are. So maybe don’t complain about the consistency of your hollandaise sauce this morning.

Corey White’s Road map to Paradise on the ABC focuses on pertinent homegrown issues. White is a savvy comedian who has somehow kept going after an incredibly difficult upbringing and now he offers helpful suggestions about how we can fix the country’s problems with foster care, terrorism, Australia Day etc. It’s this year’s TV sleeper hit and you can watch all six episodes on iView.

Channel 7’s ‘Sunday Night’ interview with Barnaby Joyce and Vikki Campion will run this weekend. Picture: Channel 7

Speaking of television, you should probably sleep through Sunday Night tonight.

We started this column with two winners, let’s end with two losers. Barnaby Joyce (cue: collective shaking of heads) and Vikki Campion accepted $150,000 to milk the Barnababy saga in a tell-all interview. Truly, we can once again call our flat-screens “The Idiot Box”. They’ll reveal a whole bunch of private stuff we don’t wanna know after complaining a whole bunch about their lack of privacy. It’s like Ouroboros, the snake that eats its own tail. The man with the ruddiest red face since Robert Doyle isn’t exactly promo-sexual either. I can’t leave you with that image in your head, instead focus on these memes of the week, the pregnancy one is my pick.

Will Power meme

Bad decisions meme

Respect pic.twitter.com/TEhNLrLz2n

— Meme Bot (@theMemesBot) May 30, 2018

Wow 😆💯🔥 pic.twitter.com/BraMKHvRFX

— Meme Bot (@theMemesBot) May 30, 2018

A moment of silence for the boys pic.twitter.com/bVtzqwn8WA

— Meme Bot (@theMemesBot) May 31, 2018

some people I tell ya pic.twitter.com/jyzYMyPF5A

— Meme Bot (@theMemesBot) May 31, 2018

True 😂👌💯🔥 pic.twitter.com/pAx9zYf1EV

— Meme Bot (@theMemesBot) May 30, 2018

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