‘Bindi Irwin is right, it’s OK to have one child’: Kylie Lang

The single child stigma is as alive and well today as it was 24 years ago when my son was born, so I sympathise with Bindi Irwin, writes Kylie Lang.

Chandler Powell and Bindi Irwin with daughter Grace. Photo: Instagram

It goes one of two ways: people feel sorry for you or they think you’re selfish.

What other response could there be to the earth-shattering news that you have “only” one child?

The single child stigma is as alive and well today as it was 24 years ago when my son was born, so I sympathise with Bindi Irwin, who on Thursday asked people to refrain from questioning if she would be ​a​dding to her family.

“Don’t ask someone if you’re having children or more children because you don’t know what’s happening behind those closed doors,” Bindi said in a YouTube video.

Her husband Chandler Powell continued: “Basically, we get asked this question a lot. And Bindi, she went through a big journey with endometriosis and, basically, it was an absolute miracle that we had Grace (now aged 2).”

Frankly, the question that should be asked a lot is why can’t people mind their own business?

There are myriad reasons people have one child.

Finances certainly might be part of it, and maybe parents want to take nice holidays more than once in a blue moon. Selfish? I don’t think so.

Bindi Irwin (right) and husband Chandler Powell have asked fans to stop inquiring about whether they plan to have more children. Photo: YouTube/Australia Zoo.

Others might have longed for more kids but for health or relationship reasons were unable to fulfil that wish.

Still others might only have ever wanted one child, including because they were only kids themselves and turned out OK.

Is it cruel to not “give” a child a sibling? Of course not.

I know families of five kids – those of my two best friends (the sisters I get to choose) – and the bond is tight.

But equally, I know other clans w​here conflict rules. Bust-ups over inheritance money or perceived favouritism are repetitive themes.

I will admit, as an only child myself, there are downsides.

Seeing your parents age and knowing you’ll effectively be alone when they pass is not fun, but do I feel hardly done by? Not in the slightest.

​Plenty of people are in my position.

There is even a rapidly growing group in Brisbane called Mothers of One (or MOO, for short).

Around 100 of us meet once a year for lunch and laughter – and a few tears – but what’s interesting is that despite the obvious common thread there are enormous differences.

No two circumstances around how we came to “only” have one are the same but we have all felt the imposed pity or judgement of others, even from people who mean well.

So I completely get Bindi Irwin politely asking people to back off.

The daughter of late croc hunter Steve Irwin ​also says: “I do not like the word ‘only’ – Grace is our child. She is our one beautiful, perfect, amazing little girl. And oh my goodness, every single day I think about how lucky we are to have her.”

I feel exactly the same about my son – and always will.

​Hopefully one day soon, parents of one won’t be treated as sympathy cases or objects of derision.

Parents Chandler Powell and Bindi Irwin pictured with their daughter Grace. Picture Instagram

Australian census data shows one-child households are increasingly common. Among all homes with kids under 15, the proportion with one child has risen over from 29.1 per cent in 2011 to 30.1 per cent in 2021.

In the UK in 2017, 40 per cent of married couples had one child. Shocking? No. Keep calm and carry on.

In the US, psychologist Dr Susan Newman says one-child families have outnumbered two-children families for more than two decades. In big cities like New York, 30 per cent of families have a singleton.

Dr Newman, author of The Case for the Only Child, says “the benefits of being only children give them an achievement edge as it does for firstborns”.

Only children have told her they are highly independent and can live alone without feeling lonely.​ I agree.

“​Studies show that the only child’s relationship with parents remains close, closer than those who have siblings,” she says.

“Hundreds of studies indicate that the stereotypes of the spoiled, lonely only child have little, if any, validity today.”

Dr Newman also points out that parenting style is more influential in a child’s development than whether or not they have siblings.

So on behalf of all the MOOs out there, please don’t treat us – and our treasured offspring – as curiosities.

Take your pity party elsewhere.

Kylie Lang is Associate Editor of The Courier-Mail

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Originally published as ‘Bindi Irwin is right, it’s OK to have one child’: Kylie Lang