Susie O’Brien: What really mattered in ugly mess of a year

It’s been a year like no other, but we’ve still managed to find humour and camaraderie amid the heartache and chaos.

How’s 2020 been for you?

Have you managed to be agile and pivot to optimise the new virtual interface opportunities of this unprecedented year while circling in to maintain intimate virtual connection with loved ones?

Or are you wondering when you will find the energy to turn off the TV, put on your “good” tracksuit and start the day?

I’m in the latter camp. I can’t wait for 2020 to be over. I don’t see this year as a unique opportunity for personal growth and mindful wellness. It’s been more like a brutal Groundhog Day with characters in dressing gowns passing each other awkwardly in the hallway.

Thanks to 2020, my garage is full of weights, my cupboards are full of toilet paper and I just bought some new athletic pants to wear to the shops.

I don’t know much, but here are some things I’ve learnt this year.

Evenin the midst of doom, there is always something to make us laugh. Analysis from Circles. Life telco shows we’ve been entertained this year by live streamed events, Dan Andrews’ North Face jacket, Karen from Brighton and Zoom meeting fails. There’s nothing like an errant naked spouse sprinting past in the background of a serious zoom call to make your day.

Insteadof working, we’ve been watching clips from Inspired Unemployed, Ozzy Man reviews and Nat’s What I Reckon. Nat’s insane rant about the evils of putting zucchini in spaghetti bolognese was one of the most-watched videos of the year. Doesn’t that sum up 2020 like nothing else?

Instagramstars may inspire us but they don’t necessarily change our behaviour. The biggest influencer of the year is Joe Wicks the Body Coach, but that hasn’t stopped us from putting on three to 15kg during the year.

Pivot, flex and agile are the most annoying, overused words of the year. I haven’t been agile since I split my pants doing a forward roll at Walkerville YMCA back in 1983.

It’s okay to hate people on principle for talking about “preponing” things (as opposed to postponing) and who use portmanteau COVID words like plandemic and quaranteam.

Havinga gazillion dollars doesn’t mean you know how to name your child. Everyone’s had a ball with the fact that Elon Musk and Grimes’s baby is called X Æ A-Xii.

Podcastsare God’s way of telling people they’ve got too much time on their hands.

Youknow you’re old when you haven’t heard of any of the Spotify top songs of the year, like the top-streamed artist Bad Bunny, a Puerto Rican rapper.

Truefriends tell you when it’s time to attempt an at-home hair dye job because you’ve aged 10 years in eight weeks.

Doingthings virtually is not the same as doing them in real life but at least no one sees you cheating in online exercise classes.

It’shard to celebrate from a distance, but you can grieve from a distance because people who matter know how you feel.

Don’tbelieve people who say we’re all heroes. Some of us sat on couches watching Netflix while pretending to work this year. Others worked on the front line in aged care or hospitals, putting their lives on the line every damn day. They’re the only heroes.

Teachersare also heroes for dealing with our kids week in/week out without the benefits of booze and Netflix, like homeschooling parents.

Youcan’t get drunk from alcohol wipes. Don’t ask me how I know this.

Thisyear I’ve spent a lot of time watching political press conferences and become an expert at political doublespeak.

“I make no apologies for that.” (I stuffed up but can’t admit it.)

“Let me be very clear.” (I’ve changed my mind but can’t admit it.)

“I am not going to give a running commentary on that” (Our polls are woeful.)

Online shopping is your friend. Buying things you want but don’t need makes you happy. This includes chopsticks that look like light sabres, a Furby body pillow and a mini love-heart waffle maker. (You can always return things when you sober up.)

2020was horrible, but there was something lovely about the way our suburbs turned into Disney cartoons with rainbows on the footpath and teddies at the windows.

Welearnt the value of friends and family this year — especially the ones we couldn’t hold or hug.

Wealso learnt to value more those who were around us. When the world goes weird, neighbours handing mud cake over the fence is just what you need.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. See you in 2021.

Susie O’Brien is a Herald Sun columnist

@susieob