Susie O’Brien: Mr Men/Little Miss reboot sign of the PC times

With the original Mr Men and Little Miss characters labelled serial harassers and fat shamers, the publisher is calling for new character suggestions. It’s a sad sign of our PC times.

The Mr Men and Little Miss series turns 50 this year.

The much-loved Mr Men and Little Miss books are turning 50 this year. To celebrate, the publisher is calling for new character suggestions.

I’ve got some ideas.

What about Mr Corona? He doesn’t social distance, wears his mask below his nose and has been stockpiling toilet paper since last January “just in case”.

His best friend, Mr Sneeze, used a nebuliser in hotel lockup and started a third wave in Happytown.

Mr Millennial Hipster. He’s the one with his corduroy pants tucked into his hand-knitted socks as he rides around Happytown on his fixie bike. He’s turning his beard yeast into a home brew with an earthy undertone of citrus and a top note of bull***t.

Miss Oversharer. She keeps busy taking photos of her children on the potty and filming their first signs of puberty for their 21st show reel. She’s got 75 identical photos of her children that she’s keen for you to admire one by one.

Mr Isolation. He loves baking sourdough in his underwear and spends so much time doing nothing he’s got no time to do anything. His wife, Little Miss Athletic Wear, is on the way to the gym. One day she might just go in.

Miss Instagram Influencer. She’s the first PG-rated Little Miss character due to her love of bending over in a G-string bikini and having her photo taken.

She had a personal crisis when her trust fund ran out and she had to move back in with her parents, Mr and Mrs Snobby Show Offs.

Mr Flexitarian. He might be vegetarian, or he might not. It depends on the day. He preaches to his Happytown friends about the majesty and purity of a meat-free existence, neglecting to tell them that his best mate is Mr Big Mac and Miss 3am Yiros.

Of course, discussion has been raging for years about the need for Mr Men books to get a modern makeover.

Mr Tickle, for instance, has been branded a “serial harasser” who “has no respect for personal space and tickles whoever he likes without their consent”.

Mr Strong is apparently a masculine stereotype and Miss Greedy promotes fat shaming.

Mr Uppity is a deplorable racist caricature and Little Miss Scatterbrain is a put-down for all females.

Sheesh. They’re just kids’ books. They’re not primers for life.

They may need a tweak here and there, but the books’ 70s styling and old-style values is part of the charm for me.

I read my kids Mr Men and Little Miss books because you knew what you were going to get. Simple fun stories with no agenda and no preaching.

The kids didn’t question the stereotypical portrayals of masculinity or the absence of progressive narratives.

Instead, we all enjoyed the simple silly stories about Mr Upside Down trying to drive a car, Mr Funny being serious for a change and Mr Sneezy going for a walk in a field of flowers.

Now Mr Sneezy would be arrested for crimes to public health, Mr Funny castigated for poor joke choices and Mr Upside Down attacked as a bad example to learner drivers.

Mr Men books are a throwback to a time when kids ran free, played with neighbours and grabbed smokes for their parents on the way home from the park.

It’s a welcome reminder of a world with no mobile phones, no hashtags, no email inboxes with 43,000 unread messages (maybe that’s just me) and no lunch boxes with sandwiches cut in the shapes of unicorns.

They contain basic lessons for life. Don’t hurt others, don’t lie, don’t be messy, no one likes a busybody.

Nothing more, nothing less.

So, it’s a bit sad to see the books rebadged by the publishers as “positive, inclusive and inspiring book will help young children believe in their own strengths and abilities and that they have the power to make a difference to the world”.

Ugh. Give me simple good fun any day.

Who needs Miss Political Correctness when you can have Little Miss Sunshine, Mr Happy and Mr Strong?

Susie O’Brien’s new book, The Secret of Half-arsed Parenting, is out now.

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