Susie O’Brien: Asking your baby for permission to change their nappy is offensive

I’VE had three kids and never asked permission from any of them before changing their nappies. Nor should any other mum or dad. Here’s why comments from sexuality safety educator Deanne Carson are plain wrong.

I’VE had three kids and I’ve never asked permission from any of them before changing their nappies.

Nor should any other mum or dad.

This week, sexuality safety educator and author Deanne Carson said parents should wait for cues signalling consent before changing their baby’s nappie s.

BUDGET SNACK PACK LEAVES BAD TASTE

CHANGE NOT AS GOOD AS HOLIDAY

NOT EVEN PELL ABOVE LAW

On an ABC News segment, she said families could establish a “culture of consent” by asking newborns: “I’m going to change your nappy now, is that OK?”

Carson, CEO of Body Safety Australia, acknowledged the baby was not going to respond verbally.

She said parents should wait for them to make eye contact and consent through body language.

“You’re letting that child know that their response matters,” she said.

This is totally ridiculous and risks turning every parent into a paedophile-in-waiting.

It is essential parents feel comfortable handling their babies, and there shouldn’t be any suggestion a parent’s normal touch is somehow suspect.

Sky News reporting on the Deanne Carson interview.

Carson’s approach stems from the idea that the sooner kids learn that adults need their permission to touch their bodies, the better.

The idea is that kids will grow up knowing what makes them feel safe and unsafe and will be able to better defend themselves from sexual abuse.

It’s a sound approach for older kids, but doesn’t apply to babies and their nappies.

Not surprisingly, Carson has been widely criticised for her views.

Although I don’t agree with how personal some attacks have been, I don’t blame people for feeling outraged.

Susie O'Brien. Picture: Nicole Garmston

Carson’s response has also been extreme and hasn’t endeared her to many parents.

“Troll me all you want, add to your blog inches, but remember that when you do, you are negating the voices of these brave survivors of sexual abuse,” she wrote on Facebook after the furore about her comments exploded.

Objecting to the idea that parents should seek their baby’s permission before touching them doesn’t mean anyone is silencing sexual abuse survivors.

To put a baby who’s had their nappy changed without consent on the same par as sexual abuse survivors is also pretty damn offensive.

Body safety experts are a very passionate group, but when they go too far they lose their audience completely.

Carson argues parents need to be invited into the discussion, as she puts it.

All she’s done is put people off.

I’d love to ask Carson one thing: if the baby doesn’t give consent, what then? Does the dirty nappy stay on?

MORE OPINION FROM SUSIE O’BRIEN