Susie O’Brien: Not inspired by a moving experience
EXPERTS say moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do but I wonder what could actually be worse, writes Susie O’Brien.
Susie O'Brien
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IS it possible to move out of your house without going out of your mind?
I am moving this week and I have to admit that I’m not really coping.
You know what they say: a house is made of bricks and beams, a home is made of love and dreams.
But at this point, my house appears to be made of nothing but boxes which seem to contain all the essentials such as remote controls, phone chargers and my daughter’s football “away” shorts which she needs for this weekend’s game.
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I’ll be happier when I finally reach the point at the other end where I can unpack and find the PIN for my credit card, toilet paper and all the kitchen knives.
Friends try to offer helpful hints such as “have you hired a removalist?” and “make sure you don’t leave anything behind”.
Well, der.
Then there are those who have taken a look around my somewhat cluttered (I like to think of it as homely) abode and airily suggest that it’s time for a “really good cull”.
“I don’t know how you do it all,” they’ll say. What they mean is they’re bloody glad it’s not them doing it and somehow they’ll be suddenly busy when I ask them to pop over with a few spare boxes and a roll of masking tape. And in case you’re wondering, yes, I have hired a team of removalists. I am not quite up to moving 15 tables, 47 chairs, six beds, 765 boxes and a drum kit in the back of my Ford Territory, even though it is a seven-seater.
I also know better than trying to save money by relying on my cousin, Dave, and his mate’s truck.
He’s certain to take a badly judged shortcut, get stuck under a rail overpass in South Melbourne and not turn up until three days later.
I’ve learned that leaving a beloved house is never easy, particularly because your house never looks better than when you sell it.
You finally get around to doing all those little jobs you’ve meant to do for years, like painting the toilet walls, retiling the fireplace and fixing the big hole in the kids’ bedroom floor.
You’ll be surprised to see your house listed for sale as a four-bedroom, two-bathroom stunner with a cosmopolitan vibe and city views even though it’s on a main road and located above a row of shops. But here’s the harsh reality: once you’ve signed the contract, it’s all downhill.
First you have to work out what you want to take and what you want to chuck out — starting with all the boxes you somehow haven’t managed to unpack from your last move.
Whatever you do, don’t ask the kids to go through a pile of old school books and artworks to pick out what they want to keep.
They’ll refuse to turf out anything and form a passionate attachment to their prep art portfolio they hadn’t looked at for six years.
And then they’ll fight over their old toys, which they think are vintage and will earn them big bucks on eBay some day.
I certainly didn’t use the Marie Kondo “does it spark joy?” because I’d have nothing left.
Leading up to moving day, I launched into a frenzy of packing, taking a great deal of pride in the ever-growing pile of lovingly labelled boxes. Then with only 24 hours to go, it happened: I started chucking things around, especially because I discovered the kids had popped all the bubble wrap.
Take my advice and make sure you ignore all the lifehack articles offering you advice on how to “streamline” your move. They’re all entirely useless. Who comes up with ideas such as “make your last grocery trip two weeks before moving” and “arrange friends who want to help into shifts”.
Yeah right. I invited some friends over to help and they kept using things I was trying to pack, like red-wine glasses and champagne flutes.
Psychologists say moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do — it’s right up there with the death of a loved one and losing the Netflix password.
I’ve got one word for those who are contemplating a move.
Renovate.
Susie O’Brien is a Herald Sun columnist
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