Former NRL star John Hopoate defends smacking as tool for disciplining kids

Former NRL bad boy John Hopoate’s admission he smacks each of his 11 kids seems to have resonated with readers, the vast majority agreeing it was okay in disciplining a child. Have your say plus vote in our poll.

Former NRL bad boy John Hopoate’s admission he smacks each of his 11 kids seems to have resonated with readers, the vast majority agreeing it was okay in disciplining a child.

The ex-Sea Eagles star says parents today feel guilty for disciplining their children. Currently 87 per cent of readers in our poll agree.

One reader wrote of an “impending crisis” in the decrease in the respect for authority. “A smack at home and the cane at school used to solve the problem. The poll is so right, discipline works,” they said.

While another said: “I got smacked and turned out to be a law abiding citizen. Lawful chastisement is lawful for a reason. It’s works.” But another wrote: “A light smack on the bottom and a definite ‘no’ always worked with me. A punch is an assault. How on earth can anyone punch a child. It’s brutal and very dangerous.”

Hopoate admitted he has smacked each of his 11 children – including his three-year-old daughter when she throws tantrums – in a confession that would horrify experts.

Former NRL bad boy John Hopoate has defended his parenting style. Picture: David Swift

Child and adolescent physiologist Michael Carr-Gregg said smacking did not work, but being a role model and praising children’s good behaviour resulted in good behaviour change.

“Smacking is ineffective, children are like sponges and are good impersonators and you have to give them something to impersonate,” Mr Carr-Gregg said.

But Hopoate, who describes himself as “a good father’’ said all his children respected him for how they had been raised

“Listen, I’ve done some dumb things in the past, but I’ve raised 11 children and they all have respect for me,’’ Hopoate, a Mormon, said.

“Not one of them would dare take out an AVO against me. Too many parents baby their children and lose their respect. Kids just want, want, want and when you can’t give it to them anymore, they can’t handle it and become violent and aggressive.’’

Hopoate said his children would not consider taking out an AVO against him, unlike other families in his circle of friends.

“Some of my friends’ children are now taking out AVOs against their parents,’’ he said.

John and Brenda Hopoate have 11 children and say that smacking them is part of discipline, and is why they have earned the respect of all their kids.

“I operate by old-school disciplining. A smack works, a punch on the shoulder or leg.

“I’m the crash-test dummy, I do the dumb stuff in life, but my kids don’t follow in my footsteps. I’m not the perfect role model, but I’m a good father. I’ve smacked my kids since day dot, when they’re naughty.

“The older ones I bash on the shoulder or on the arm or leg, they’ve got to feel it.’’

RISE IN TEENS TAKING OUT AVOS AGAINST PARENTS

Traditional family units are in danger of collapse amid an explosion in teenagers and young adults taking out ­apprehended violence orders against their parents in NSW, experts have warned.

Figures from police obtained by The Daily Telegraph reveal 48,780 youngsters aged 10 to 25 were protected from a parent, relative, or someone living under the same roof in police-initiated AVOs over the past three years.

A complaint made to police against parents triggers an automatic AVO process that cannot be reversed until it is heard in court.

Figures from the bureau of crime statistics show 11,086 under-18-year-olds were the subjects of AVOs in 2021.

Concerned psychologists say they have seen a 30 per cent increase in youngsters taking parents to court in the past two years, the vast ­majority of them for domestic violence incidents.

“It’s getting worse,” Sydney educational and developmental psychologist Dr Rose Cantali said. “I’ve seen a 30 per cent rise in the last two years of teenagers and young adults taking out AVOs against their parents. I deal with five cases a week of teenagers and young adults who have taken out court orders through police against their parents.

Educational and developmental child psychologist Dr Rose Cantali is concerned so many teenagers are resorting to AVOs.

“The conflict and tension it causes can ruin families and livelihoods. A parent who is a taxi driver who has an altercation with their teenage son or daughter where police are called cannot work until the AVO is resolved in court.

“The parent can lose their job, depending on what they do for work and has to pay legal fees on top to defend themselves.

“I’ve seen a sharp rise in AVOs taken out particularly by young adults living at home with their parents longer since the pandemic.

“It’s disturbing because it’s the teenagers and young ­people who are asserting their authority and independence and using AVOs to discipline while living under parents’ roofs, while the parents themselves are struggling to negotiate parenting young adults who are living at home longer for financial reasons.”

Sydney Barrister Dean-Lloyd Del Monte has dealt with six children who have taken out AVOs against ­parents in the past two years, including a 14-year-old, and says it’s easy to make a complaint these days.

“Once the police are called, it starts an automatic AVO process in which police film the incident from their body cameras, this process cannot be reversed like in the old days, where a teenager can ­retract their statement at the police station the next day when they’ve realised they have overstepped the mark,” he said. “It’s definitely on the rise, as is drug use and mental illness among young people, which can trigger aggression, all of which was exacerbated during Covid.”

The rise mirrors an ­increase in police-initiated AVOs to protect children against aggressive parents during the pandemic.

The escalation in violent incidents instigated by teenagers and young adults in the last decade, is in part a reflection of diminishing levels of respect for parents and authority, fuelled by social media, which normalises violence, experts maintain.

The number of AVOs issued in general has risen 25 per cent in three years from 30,810 in 2018 to 38,770 last year. As many as 10,229 have been issued this year alone, according to NSW police.

Leading child psychiatrist Dr Philip Tam warned of an ­“impending crisis” in the decrease in respect for authority figures, where social media is causing children to feel disconnected from their parents.

“Violence and aggression can be magnified by social media” he said. “Take the young man filmed being kicked to death in Doonside by his peers. That video that went viral, children learn from that behaviour.

“Young people’s sense of self-worth and identity is often shaped by the image they put out of themselves on social media.

“We’ve had a breakdown of traditional institutions like schools, churches and sports clubs during Covid, where the loss of structure has impacted young people’s sense of connection to parents.

“I see parents who are enormously caring and self-sacrificing but cannot connect to their children, who rely on social media for parenting and to form their identity. That is a factor in the rise of aggression in young people.”

Originally published as Former NRL star John Hopoate defends smacking as tool for disciplining kids