Di McMurtrie helping heal broken souls of road horror
Di McMurtrie was waiting in the wings for another broken soul and as always, another one came. This time it was the grandfather of little Ivy Hodgess, who was killed on the mid north coast.
NSW
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When Di McMurtrie heard the news a father and his 11-year-old daughter were killed in a car crash last Friday, her own pain came flooding back.
It’s been 11 years since she lost her beloved Hannah “in the blink of an eye”.
And here was another innocent family on the first steps of their road to hell.
“You re-live it every single time another person dies on the road. It doesn’t get easier,” Ms McMurtrie said.
“The grief is there and it can ruin the lives of the people left behind.”
She has already been in touch with the grandfather of little Ivy Hodgess who was killed with her father Wade, 45, in the crash on The Bucketts Way, at Tugrabakh, on the NSW mid-coast last Friday.
Just over an hour away in Taree, Ms McMurtrie was waiting in the wings for another broken soul in the aftermath of yet another tragedy on the road. She knew it was coming – they always do.
Speaking this week, the still-grieving mum said her marriage was pushed to the brink and her health was compromised as she struggled to find a new purpose after the loss of one of her three children.
“You have to first of all forgive yourself,” she says, revealing she suffered a stroke two years after the loss of 19-year-old Hannah – who ducked home for lunch the day she died, excitedly chatting about being accepted into uni for primary school teaching and about the land she wanted to buy with her partner.
“When she had to go back to work, she came over to me and gave me a big kiss and cuddle. Then, as she was walking out the door with her handbag and her car keys, her dad said to her ‘Where is my kiss?’, she flashed him that cheeky grin and wave and said ‘See you later old fart’.
“At 5.45pm that afternoon everything our family knew and held sacred was destroyed,” Ms McMurtrie said.
Her heart now aches all over again for the Hodges family, and the hundreds of other families who every year face this preventable grief.
“Forgiving yourself is the first thing because you carry guilt even though the loss of your child isn’t your fault,” she said.
“The ‘What if?’. If you can practise self care and work through — and get support through friends and family and professionally — then you stand a chance.
“To stay together as a couple you have to both be completely honest and accept the fact you are going to grieve, there are no shortcuts, you have to go through it and you have to constantly work on that together because everyone grieves differently.”
“You have to forgive each other and find new ways to connect.”
Ms McMurtrie and her husband have defied the odds. They are still married after 37 years.
“Six out of 10 separate or divorce following the loss of a child because it is so difficult to get through that single, let alone as a couple,” she said
“We support so many families whose relationships have ended and not because they don’t love each other.
“It’s the pain that demolishes them personally and to put that energy into a partnership is too difficult.”
Through their organisation Hannah’s Blue Butterflies Road Safety Awareness Inc, the McMurtries make a difference and use their grief for good.
Running on the smell of an oily rag from donations, the organisation offers support to people, especially in regional areas where support is not so easy to come by.
The 24-hour grief counselling service is run by Ms McMurtrie with the help of five passionate volunteers to change road users’ attitudes and behaviours.
To donate or help go to hannahsbluebutterflies.org
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Originally published as Di McMurtrie helping heal broken souls of road horror
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