Motherhood a precious gift many can’t afford

CAROLYN Frohmader’s path to parenthood was unconventional – and even unexpected.

Single mum Carolyn Frohmader, holding Roxy the dog, with daughter Lottie, 12, holding dog Sunday, wishes more single women could know the joy of parenthood. Pictures: NIKKI DAVIS-JONES

HER path to parenthood was unconventional — even unexpected.

But sometimes in life, reflects Carolyn Frohmader, “you don’t get to write the script”.

As a single mother who conceived by undergoing fertility treatment, Ms Frohmader now looks back satisfied, knowing her decision was the right path for her family.

“My daughter is the love of my life,” she said. “I would do it again 100 times over.”

Ms Frohmader’s spoke to the Mercury following revelations in the Sunday Tasmanian that an increasing number of Tasmanian women are choosing to start families alone — about 50 a year at TasIVF’s Hobart clinic.

Her only disappointment is that her path to parenthood cannot be shared by single women who cannot afford the cost of fertility treatment.

Neither Medicare nor private health insurance covers the treatment if there is no medical problem.

When Ms Frohmader became pregnant through artificial insemination 13 years ago, no costs were covered, even though she had full private health cover.

“I was deemed by the insurance company to be ‘socially infertile’ rather than ‘medically infertile’,” said Ms Frohmader, who is executive director of Women with Disabilities Australia.

“I felt the term ‘socially infertile’ was an absurdity … it was offensive in the extreme.”

She said the policies that denied financial assistance to women like herself appeared to be in breach of the Sex Discrimination Act.

“It excludes a large number of women from being able to make the choice on the grounds of affordability.”

Ms Frohmader, who won the Individual Community Award at the 2013 Australian Human Rights Awards, said women should not be forced to source unregulated donor sperm over the internet because they could not afford to go through a clinic.

Ms Frohmader is one of a growing number of Tasmanian women who are choosing to start a family alone using fertility treatment. Twenty years ago TasIVF treated no single women. Now it averages about 50 a year.

TasIVF director Dr Bill Watkins said about half of those women were not, in a practical sense, single because they were in same-sex relationships. The other half came forward for many reasons. Some were fed up waiting for “Mr Right”, while others had no desire for a man. Dr Watkins said the only way single or lesbian women could have medical costs covered was if they had a fertility problem.

Ms Frohmader had been in a steady 13-year relationship with a man before she found herself single and seeking the assistance of Dr Watkins. She was 37 and the thought of joining the singles’ scene was not an attractive option.

Ms Frohmader said she chose an anonymous sperm donor, without wanting to know any of their characteristics, because she was not after a “designer baby”.

“I wanted to be legally and financially responsible for my child, without having to consider issues of access or maintenance,” she said.

Her daughter Lottie was born in 2002 and has grown up knowing exactly how she came to be. And it has never been an issue for anyone. In fact, her daughter helps broaden people’s understanding.

“She educates people — showing them that families come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes,” Ms Frohmader said.

Originally published as Motherhood a precious gift many can’t afford