Hamish McLachlan: AFLW star Daisy Pearce kicking new goals in her role as mum

Footy star Daisy Pearce has put her career on hold after giving birth to twins in February. She talks to Hamish McLachlan about love, tears, tiredness, and returning to the field.

Melbourne Demons captain Daisy Pearce. Picture: AAP

Daisy Pearce spent her early years admiring and learning from her own mother as she looked after her much younger siblings, and her more recent years delivering children as a midwife, or footballs to teammates. But both footy, and her role as a midwife are on hold after delivering twins in February. Sylvie and Roy arrived, in that order, and life would never be the same. We spoke about the challenges of two, feeding for half the day, finding a love she didn’t know existed, tears, tiredness, and returning to the field.

HM: Where have I caught you Mumma?

DP: (laughs) Hame ... you won’t be surprised to hear that I’m on the couch feeding ... it’s Sylvie at the moment! I’m seemingly always feeding. Roy’s gone to the post office.

HM: By himself?

DP: I hope he is with his dad. I haven’t quite mastered feeding them both at the same time yet, so we’ve got to try and keep one at bay while the other feeds.

HM: Sounds like there’s plenty of strategy required with two?

DP: Plenty ... there’s plenty of lots of things required with twins — it makes any strategy sessions from footy I’ve battled with look pretty pedestrian!

Daisy Pearce and her partner, Ben. Picture: Alex Coppel

HM: How many times a day are you feeding?

DP: I’ve stopped counting. In the early days I recorded the stats, feeds, times and all that kind of thing, but I’ve loosened up a bit now. I don’t keep too close an eye on when they’re feeding, but at a guess I’d say about six to eight times each.

HM: 12 to 16 feeds a day.

DP: Yep.

HM: And how many minutes per feed are we down to?

DP: I’m getting a bit more efficient — maybe 20 minutes per baby now.

HM: Down from?

DP: It was taking me up to an hour early days.

HM: Per kid?

DP: Yep, an hour per twin, six times a day, per twin.

HM: That’s easy maths, even for me — 12 hours of the day feeding ... I imagine physically and mentally exhausting?

DP: Half the day being the milk truck! It was hard work to begin with, but it’s all pretty manageable now.

HM: Have you had many moments where you were in floods of tears without answers?

DP: (laughs) Yes, too many! The unknown around the feeding was what got to me the most. It was all so new, and not having the answers as to why they were unhappy, or not taking to me or why they were crying was pretty worrying, and constant, and that becomes tiring. I just so want them to come to me and ask me for a peanut butter sandwich and just let me know what they need and when they need it. It would be so much easier. It’s been challenging and made me realise what every — well, most — mothers go through — they are all such brilliant people.

HM: What else have you realised that you didn’t know before kids?

DP: As a midwife I’d always been pretty motivated to breastfeed, but I certainly understand why people find it really hard and can’t do it. It’s a serious commitment. We think all think breastfeeding is natural, which it is, but there used to be no alternatives — but now there is. I think that it can be a challenging thing to persist with, but I’m glad we have.

Daisy with her newborn twins, Sylvie and Roy.

Daisy with Sylvie and Roy.

HM: Your feeding patterns are like the guys who paint the Sydney Harbour Bridge. You start, you get to the end, and you just go back to the start again.

DP: With twins it is. They feed about every three hours, and when it was taking me an hour with each kid, in the early days you’d start the feed with one, and by the time the other one was fed, your two hours in and you look at the clock feeling satisfied. The feed is done and dusted with, but you’re deflated knowing that there’s another one in an hour.

HM: I marvel at single mums.

DP: Standing ovation to them all, I agree. It’s been challenging, and I have great support around me — solo would be another level I’m not sure I could deal with.

HM: I know you would be a super mum. How has Ben taken to fatherhood?

DP: He has loved it. You hope you’ll take to it as a mother, and I think you secretly hope your partner will take to it as a father, and Ben has. He is a natural — he is a loving, caring dad who really looks after the twins, and equally so, me. He knows I struggle at times, and when I am looking a little despondent he always finds the right thing to say, or not say! One of Ben’s favourite quotes is: “It won’t be as bad in the morning. Let’s just reassess things then”.

HM: How many times do you reckon he said that?

DP: Ben’s just returned from the post office and you’re on speaker phone. How many do you think?

Ben: Well they are three-months old ... that’s 90-odd days. I reckon every third day, let’s go with 30-odd!

HM: Well done — solid “partner advice”. I still find the ability of humans to create babies so magical — and find it equally amazing how reliant they are on you once they arrive.

DP: Totally. It’s still all a bit surreal for me, too. I will often look at them both and think “Geez, Ben and I created these two. They were in my belly — that is extraordinary!”. And as you say, they are — at least for now — totally reliant on Ben and I. It is such a privilege, and such a responsibility.

HM: In my experience, as exciting and as superb as it is early on, it just gets better and better and better.

DP: I can imagine that’s the case. Even now as they reach all their little milestones, and learn new tricks, it’s pretty rewarding and makes you really proud. Looking down at these little faces that stare back at you that we made. They’re these two little people relying on us, and together Ben and I get to introduce them to the world and help shape their lives.

HM: Daisy - with the midwife, given you are one, were you critiquing her as she was doing her work?

DP: (laughs) Yes, absolutely, hard not to, but she was terrific ... oh, hang on, standby ... Sylvie has ... uh-oh clean-up required, hang on, Hame.

HM: Standing by.

DP: (A few minutes later) Sorry about all that, you’ll have to edit that out.

HM: Unlikely. Are you still doing some work on top of the chaos of being a young mum?

DP: Sorry … I’m still doing little bits and pieces. I’ve been mindful of only doing what I have to do to keep my eye in and stay a bit relevant. I’m doing little bits and pieces, but while I can, I want to enjoy this beautiful time in our lives and dedicate most of my energy to that. I started back on radio on the weekend doing a kids show that I do on a Sunday morning, which is good fun. It was pretty daunting getting out the door. I didn’t want to leave them when I woke up early Sunday morning, but once I got in the car and had the music playing, I was away, had fun, enjoyed some time away but really looked forward to getting back to them.

HM: Some TV, a radio show or a Podcast must all seem pretty easy compared to mothering twins.

DP: Absolutely. I think it will make me better at my work, too — be that as a midwife, or the media work that I do, or even as a footballer. I’ve had a bit of a tendency to overthink things, and get a bit anxious, particularly when I’ve been doing the media stuff. You don’t get a chance to get anxious or overthink things when you’re a mother, because you hardly get a chance to think about it at all, until you’re out the door, I have a bit more fun with it because I have a totally different perspective on life, and the world in a way. Nothing really matters too much, except getting home and keeping these two little people healthy and happy.

HM: What did you learn from your mum that you find yourself bringing into your world as a mother?

DP: I was a bit lucky with my mum. Mum also had kids when I was a bit older, so I got to see her be the mum of newborns, which I maybe wouldn’t have remembered if I’d not had siblings that were a lot younger. I was 11 and 13 when my little brother and sister came along, and I learnt a lot about the way she raised them as newborns. A lot of people used to say to me, “You’ll be all right, you’re a midwife!” A lot of what reassured me and gave me comfort I was going to be OK were the memories I have watching Mum look after my siblings. I learnt “just love them through it” — that’s one of her little mottos. And that’s really helped us to date. As they get older, I’ll draw on some of the ways that she looked after us, as well. One of Mum’s favourite quotes that she says about having daughters is, “It’s not all bra shopping and lattes”. Sometimes you have to have tough conversations and tell your kids what they may not want to hear. It’s her tough love mantra. At the time you feel pretty cheated and think to yourself “Mum, just be on my side!” In the long run though, it’s really helped us stay grounded, and navigate the world.

HM: Have you been surprised how much love you can have for something or someone. I didn’t until I had kids.

DP: I have and it’s instantaneous, too. People say once you have kids you just find love that you didn’t understand prior, and it’s immediate. It was absolutely like that. The minute they came out.

HM: You’d just walk in front of a bus for them.

DP: Without a hesitation. Sylvie was born first, and she was looked after by the paediatricians for a while and I had Roy on me the minute he was born. It was such a strange feeling not knowing what was happening with Sylvie. Ben was in there filling me in on everything that was going on, and she was fine but it was just a terrible feeling being separated from her. It takes you to a place you couldn’t imagine you’d get to, and I assume in terms of loving them and also worrying about them, it’ll never end. Ben used to pay out his mum about how worried she would get about him, but know he totally understands it. Here are these little people that you’re responsible for, and only want the best for, so you worry about all sorts of things. You worry like you never have before.

HM: I’m only seven years ahead of you, but it never, ever, ever stops.

DP: I can imagine.

HM: Did you miss playing this year, or did you have plenty to worry about?

DP: I definitely missed it. It’s been a big part of my life for a long time. It was hard early on before I had the twins, as I wanted to train, but couldn’t, but then the longer the season went on, the closer I got to having them, and then eventually having them, it quickly became something I just watched on the TV in the background really. I was paying attention to it, but I was so focused in on looking after these two that it went by very quickly. I’m feeling grateful that I’ve bounced back pretty quickly, and I’m feeling healthy and hoping to get back for the next season. It doesn’t feel too far away that I’ll be back out there.

HM: When are you coming back to work at Seven — I’m missing you.

DP: (laughs) I miss you too, Hame! August I should be back, on Channel 7 and back on the boundary line. I’m looking forward to it, but not just yet! I’m enjoying my time here, but when it comes time, it’ll be good. You’ll have to fill me in on what’s been happening in the footy season.

HM: Carlton are on top and unbeaten and Lockett has returned for the Saints. Other than that there’s not much else you need to know.

DP: (laughs) OK, sounds good.

HM: Sylvie and Roy are very lucky to have you as a mum, and it sounds like they need you, so I’m going to let you go.

DP: (laughs) OK. Good to chat! Thanks, Hame.